Is it also hard for you? Is it just me?

amother

Mon, Jul 20 2020, 1:56 pm

I grew up in a normal (define normal), regular chassidish environment went to a chassidish school married chassidish yet it's very hard for me to daven. I've been talking about it with my husband and he has been helping me but it's hard for me to put down my book or my phone and say some tehillim etc.. anyone in the same boat? What gets you going? What gets you to say tehillim?

amother

Tan

Mon, Jul 20 2020, 2:02 pm

Personally, I don't get tehillim. I sign up and say it when asked to say it for a choleh or for someone who was niftar, but it is more out of a sense of obligation than meaningfulness. I break my teeth reading it and it is meaningless to me, even the English makes no sense (I do hate poetry). Not sure how it became the "thing".

I'm not a great davener either. Give me a task to do instead any day.

amother

Green

Mon, Jul 20 2020, 2:13 pm

I have a BY education and I don't daven. The rote words in the siddur do nothing for me. If I happen to be in shul and I do daven for a bit I find myself saying the words without paying any attention to what I'm saying because my mind wanders. Instead, I daven directly to Hash-m in my own words. I speak what's in my heart, silently if I'm around people and sometimes out loud if I'm alone. I have no set times for this, other than when I'm lighting candles for Shabbos. Otherwise I pray when I feel like it.

amother

Turquoise

Mon, Jul 20 2020, 3:23 pm

Halachic , a woman should daven שמונה עשרה at least once a day its better in "Shachris" but any Zeman is good as long as you daven .
Of course ברכות השחר is a must otherwise
we can't daven , not even bircas hamazon without ברכות התורה .
Now it depends , if you have small children and you overwhelmed you can daven only the most important parts
ברכות השחר
שמע ישראל
עמידה
But you say you read a book
Or you are with the cellphone
So I assume you can make time for it .
I totally was in your situation and I tried to get over it slowly but surely and I really see
סיעתא דשמיא with this .
Today it's much like a routine for me ,
I decided to put down my cell and no matter what I don't use it until finish davening
The whole מנחה doesn't take more than
15-20 minutes and it's also Sha'at Ratzon maybe you can try then .
אמר רבי חנינא : הכל משמים חוץ מיראת שמים
What ever you ask from Hashem that considers yiraas shomaim , you get it immediately , you just need to ask to have the desire of davening.
May we all חזק חזק ונתחזק in yiraas shomaim

amother

Brunette

Mon, Jul 20 2020, 3:29 pm

wow that feels good that I'm not the only one
I always thought it was such a babyish thing that I pushed off davening like I was in 3rd grade
Nowdays I daven birchas hashachar in a mumble jumble in the morning and usually daven full davening only on shabbos and sunday but I still feel like someone is hounding me to do it and I don't enjoy it
I would appreciate more tips on this please...

amother

Coffee

Mon, Jul 20 2020, 3:54 pm

You're not alone. On a normal basis I don't say tehillim. Yt, instead of davening so long I say tehillim. It's just easier when you have little kids, can stop and talk to them. Though I do try every day to say birchas hatora, 1st thing in morning. (Usually ends up being while kids eat brkfst). Lately I'm into thanking Hashem, so that's during the day.. I feel pretty good about myself.

PinkFridge

Mon, Jul 20 2020, 4:14 pm

Of course it is. There's a reason davening is called avodah, avodah shebalev. It is work.
I went for years not davening some days/doing Readers Digest version the other days. Now I daven just about everything. I didn't think I'd get here but I did. I find davening meaningful. You can find shiurim, you can read books like Rav Schwab on Prayer. Rabbi Krohn's son has short, like 1-2 minute clips, on TorahAnytime on parts of tefilla.
Try to say something formal. And try to talk to Hashem in the classic 3 part way of praise, request, thanks.

amother

Blonde

Mon, Jul 20 2020, 4:36 pm

I also cant relate and cant connect to tehilim.

My mom always says tehilim. I cant. It would be like me saying gibberish and not connecting. I do understand the words, but they dont always match the situation.

Regarding ravening, I find it hard to really concentrate on the hebrew words and their meaning. I dont daven but do daven. I mean I speak in english to hashem telling Him to help me manage and.. because I have a lot of hardships. ..so it's all about connecting to hashem.

amother

Amethyst

Mon, Jul 20 2020, 5:16 pm

Of course it's hard for everyone! I don't think it's easy for anyone.

Rabbi Glatstein said something that I'm paraphrasing, but it makes sense. All of us are really in tune with our bodies. The body needs nourishing, and care. I mean, I hate exercising, but I do it every day because it's good for me and I need it, and my blood sugar needs it, and I like the way I feel afterwards. And your soul - it needs exercise by connecting with the source. It needs to daven or focus on God. And afterwards, it feels better. It strengthens.

Lately, I've been really bad at it. Ever since my routine is out the window, so is my davening. I wake up late, and I have to do five things WHILE I'm davening because everyone is up and needs breakfast and needs to get camp supplies, etc. But when I finish, it feels good. It feels like I started my day okay. And I think that's really important. Because then when my davening is ON, and I'm really paying attention, it doesn't feel like I just showed up because I needed something from God, it feels like I'm there every day, and today happens to be a better day than most.

I don't really think that davening should be something you can take or leave. Women are supposed to daven at least once a day, a proper shemoneh esray, etc. And maybe even the korban tamid, as Rabbi Glatstein just had a shiur about that too.

It's not easy, OP. Don't worry about the extras, like tehillim. Just focus on making your routine, on doing what you should do.

thunderstorm

Mon, Jul 20 2020, 5:20 pm

I’m much more connected to Davening than to saying Tehillim. I always had trouble connecting with Tehillim and I even had a subject in high school where we learned Tehillim in depth and I can’t remember any of it. But for some reason I could remeber the translation of Shemone Esrei and other tefillos that I learned in 3rd grade.

FranticFrummie

Mon, Jul 20 2020, 5:42 pm

I talk to Hashem in my own language, straight from the heart. I can do it anywhere, any time. He's always listening. (It's great to be a woman!)

I try to read tehillim when I'm on a long bus ride, but I have to stop when I begin to feel motion sick. Hypnotized

amother

Cerulean

Mon, Jul 20 2020, 5:45 pm

I don't daven ever. Not proud of it. Not even birchas hashachar.... Sometimes shabbos I will. But I trained myself to say the jom hachodesh of tehilim. Bh by now I say it with more heart and feelings. In the beginning it was soooo hard... now I even say more bh. For 4years going strong. The day I gave birth I unfortunately forgot. .. Chassidish background.

amother

Denim

Mon, Jul 20 2020, 5:46 pm

I used to not be able to daven. I read fluently, BH normal ffb chassidishe background but I couldn't pay attention to the words. Before I turned 30 (almost a decade ago) I decided that I want my kids to have a mother who davens every day. And it struck me that as a mother, this is my opportunity to ask Hashem on behalf of my children. I don't want to miss out on that daily opportunity. My children deserve to have a mother who takes a few minutes to daven on their behalf.
I started feeling very grateful that the anshei knesses hagdola gave us the proper words to use to talk to Hashem. And the astounding thing that Master of the World tunes in to me and gives me the opportunity to speak while He listens, even if I don't say the words with perfect concentration or I mumble here and there, He is still right there patiently listening.
I'm not perfect but I try, try, and try again.
The secret is a) make davening a priority- carve out a ten-fifteen minute slot in your day- if you don't make it happen, it won't
And b) make the words relatable, relevant. Start small, with one paragraph. Learn about it, see how it relates to your daily practical life. Then add another small paragraph when you're ready.
It is avoda sheblev- as long as you're working at it, you are doing great.
Good luck!

amother

Forestgreen

Mon, Jul 20 2020, 8:32 pm

I was raised in a home where davening was very very important- too important. And what should I say- I'm turned off. It's yrs later but I can't get those punishments out of my mind and my parents satisfied face when they got me to daven TMI

When I do daven, I really do feel good. I do. But it's so hard. And I try to remember that hashem misses me and misses my tefillos- I try to say some tehillim on shabbos. ( ironically, I do connect more to saying tehillim.)

Let's keep giving each other chizzuk!

PinkFridge

Mon, Jul 20 2020, 9:09 pm

Something just occurred to me.
I think a lot of us said Tehillim for an acute need. Say for this choleh or that for that yeshua. And we might have seen, over time, it not "working." There is a shiur by Rabbi Nissel called Understanding Unanswered Prayers, about where our tefillos do go. Nothing goes to waste.
For some reason, I think that some people have a harder time with Tehillim than with regular tefilla.

Rena K

Tue, Jul 21 2020, 6:48 am

I connected to tehillim by:
(1) setting goals per week/ per two weeks and sticking to it.
(2) for each pasuk, reading the English translation first and then the Lashon Kodesh pasuk
(3) when I had time, I would read the intro to the perek from Artscroll, and then try to say or think something that is happening in my life that can relate to the perek (even if a little far fetched).
(4) when possible, I would spend some time meditating after saying tehillim, and asking Hashem for help in my own words. My own tefilla usually followed the pattern of starting with praising Hashem, then asking for help, then closing with thanks.

I am very connected to tehillim by now, as it's been years since I started this.

amother

Purple

Tue, Jul 21 2020, 7:02 am

I'm also pretty bad at davening, but a lot of that comes from parental pressure, and me still rebelling all these years later.

Tehillim is a little easier to connect to but not always.

I try to say brochos every day. I have also started saying krias shema inside the last couple of years. It only takes 5 minutes and doesn't stress me.

For my children - I try not to put pressure, but do stress that they are extremely lucky and priviliged to have this connection with Hashem when they choose.

amother

Forestgreen

Tue, Jul 21 2020, 12:59 pm

amother [ Purple ] wrote:

I love this. (see my post above)
I'm terrified of having to teach my children the importance and beauty of davening, and I love what you wrote.

amother

Coral

Mon, Aug 03 2020, 1:00 am

I see there are those here who are able to "connect" and others who cannot. And I think the two groups are speaking two different languages. You gotta be there, to understand.

For example, if an instructor tells a group of students "try to visualize you're in midst of a meadow with clear blue sky above". Some students will instantly be able to visualize it, in trance-mode. But not everyone can! Some of us are just "dry"! Perhaps we have calcified pineal glands.

To the OP, thanks - tzorot rabbim chatzi nechama. Since my teens (long ago), I said the brochot up thru the yehi rotzons (after hamavir sheina). But I'd say them without Hashem's name, since after all, a teacher had drilled into us about "machshevet pigul" so far be it from me to commit brochot l'vatolot! Furthermore - Sheasa lee kol tzarchi? Sorry, but I can't relate. Same with gevurah, tifara, koach, and maavir sheina. The opposite of all those apply to me. And the same with so much more of the davening.
...You know how during the Holocaust, the Klausenberger Rav called out during the yamim noraim davening that so much of the davening didn't apply to their gathering, since they'd already more than atoned, after what they'd endured?
...So, likewise, even the few verses I do say, I can't do with conviction, because it would be a lie. They're generalizations, which may apply to most of the klal, but not to me.