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S/o locking child in room
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amother
OP


 

Post Wed, Jul 22 2020, 7:51 am
The locking child in room thread reminded me of this scenario where I struggled with the right thing to do and I wonder what all those saying to never lock a child into a room would recommend.

It's two minutes to time of licht bentching and kid is in full meltdown mode. Spouse is still getting ready and unavailable. Kid will be destructive and unsafe around candles if mother starts lighting candles.

What would you do?
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Success10




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 22 2020, 7:53 am
I would for sure dig into the 18 minutes if buying time might help avoid something extreme, even if it just gave your husband time to finish getting ready.

If it was a few minutes to shekiyah and no calm in sight, I would light quickly and try to restrain the child, distract, keep away from the candles. I wouldn't draw his attention to the candles or scream "STAY AWAY FROM THE CANLDES!!".
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amother
OP


 

Post Wed, Jul 22 2020, 7:57 am
Success10 wrote:
I would for sure dig into the 18 minutes if buying time might help avoid something extreme, even if it just gave your husband time to finish getting ready.

If it was a few minutes to shekiyah and no calm in sight, I would light quickly and try to restrain the child, distract, keep away from the candles. I wouldn't draw his attention to the candles or scream "STAY AWAY FROM THE CANLDES!!".


Child would drag on tablecloth or put hand dangerously close to prevent you lighting.
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Success10




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 22 2020, 8:01 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Child would drag on tablecloth or put hand dangerously close to prevent you lighting.


If locking yourself in a room with 2 small candles is an option, I'd consider it. I'd lock the child in his room if there was no other choice. I really can't envision not lighting one week. But it's a good example of "what does Hashem want from me right now?"
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ora_43




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 22 2020, 8:07 am
Kid sounds small. I would pick kid up with one arm, light with the other.

Or move the candles. All of my kids were habitual tablecloth-pullers at one point or another. The candles were never on the table; they sit on a high shelf with no cloth underneath.

If neither of those are options, I would yell to my husband, "I NEED TO LIGHT CANDLES, PLEASE COME NOW." Even if he's in the shower, he can finish early, throw on a tshirt and pants, and hold the kid for a few seconds.

One more option: try to light, if kid interferes, put kid behind a barrier of some sort. Not a locked door, but say, time-out in the corner with a chair blocking them - the chair will only slow them down for a few seconds, but all I need is a few seconds.

(I don't think being locked in a room for 10 seconds would traumatize the kid too badly or anything, but I'd try the above options first)
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amother
Violet


 

Post Wed, Jul 22 2020, 8:16 am
If the kid is small enough to still use a stroller, I would strap them into a stroller for a minute. I also didn't use a tablecloth on the table I lit on when this was an issue..

If I had the 18 minutes, I would call dh and tell him I need him in 5 minutes or less to light. If it was shkiah, I would bring the kid to him ASAP. Even a dh without a shirt on can hoId the kid or keep him in a room for a minute. I have also been known to hold kids very creatively as needed.
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Teomima




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 22 2020, 8:19 am
Move the candles. That seems obvious to me.
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Frumme




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 22 2020, 8:22 am
Tough situation... I think it would depend on the child but maybe buckling them into a stroller, then lighting quickly while pushing them might be a solution. Or a baby playpen enclosure... Place them in, light quickly, and hope they haven't climbed over the gate in the minute it takes to light and say the bracha.

If they're going to be at the level of tantrum where they're dragging the tablecloth off the table, I wouldn't want to leave them unattended in a room, either (child may knock over lamps or other destructive behavior instead).
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amother
Emerald


 

Post Wed, Jul 22 2020, 8:35 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Child would drag on tablecloth or put hand dangerously close to prevent you lighting.

I light on the kitchen counter. Always have. At the beginning it was visible from the table. Now it is not.

Our kids are on the hyper side and we never thought it was worth it to take chances. I light the candles and then push them to the back of the counter. Game over.

I cannot IMAGINE lighting candles on the table until my kids are all old enough to be careful around candles. No way.

Pikuach nefesh docheh hakol.

And by the way, this doesn't solve everything, my toddler still tries to climb the drawer handles to reach the candles and I've had to push chairs away from the counter so that younger children can't reach the counter while I light the candles.

Luckily our eldest is big enough to yank younger siblings away from the counter if DH is busy.
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Stars




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 22 2020, 8:39 am
If I knew this might happen I would find myself a different setup for lighting. Light in a room where you can lock the door, light by a neighbor idk. Locking your kid In a room is rarely, if ever, the answer.
How would you like being locked in a room involuntarily?
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amother
Green


 

Post Wed, Jul 22 2020, 8:41 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Child would drag on tablecloth or put hand dangerously close to prevent you lighting.


IMO candles should be kept at a height out of reach of young children. IE not on a table.
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FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 22 2020, 8:48 am
Do people not use play pens anymore?

Put the child in there, where they can still see you and feel like they are part of the family. It will keep them safe, without the door locking situation. Make sure that the play pen is not within arm's reach of anything that could be breakable or dangerous.
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Blessing1




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 22 2020, 8:50 am
I never keep candles on a table with a tablecloth for safety reasons. My candles are on a tall buffet out of kids reach.
OP, try to ask your husband if he can be ready afew moments earlier so he can watch your kid while you light.


Last edited by Blessing1 on Wed, Jul 22 2020, 8:52 am; edited 1 time in total
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behappy2




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 22 2020, 8:51 am
If this a child too big to hold or put in a crib then the problem is larger and needs to be addressed preemptively.
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Chayalle




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 22 2020, 8:53 am
Blessing1 wrote:
I never keep candles on a table with a tablecloth for safety reasons. My candles are on a tall buffet out of kids reach.
OP, try to ask your husband if he can be ready a few moments earlier so he can watch your kid while you light.


Same.
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Stars




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 22 2020, 9:05 am
behappy2 wrote:
If this a child too big to hold or put in a crib then the problem is larger and needs to be addressed preemptively.


If it’s a special needs child a lot of times there will be nothing to do about a problem, at least no quick fixes.
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behappy2




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 22 2020, 9:06 am
Stars wrote:
If it’s a special needs child a lot of times there will be nothing to do about a problem, at least no quick fixes.


That's my point
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Blessing1




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 22 2020, 9:07 am
Stars wrote:
If it’s a special needs child a lot of times there will be nothing to do about a problem, at least no quick fixes.


Husband being ready earlier to watch the child is a quick and easy fix.
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FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jul 22 2020, 9:09 am
Stars wrote:
If it’s a special needs child a lot of times there will be nothing to do about a problem, at least no quick fixes.


Playpen!

And put the candles on a very high shelf.

It's very important to childproof your home, whether the child is just really young, or is special needs.
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amother
Lawngreen


 

Post Wed, Jul 22 2020, 9:09 am
my toddler has been able to climb out of her crib before she was even 21 months. pack n play even earlier. some kids climb out earlier then others. she's still very much my baby its a problem that I can't confine her easily. she climbs out of carriage... thankfully I have older kids who can hold her for the duration of candle lighting but if I didn't....
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