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Forum
-> Fashion and Beauty
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amother
OP
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 Thu, Jul 23 2020, 3:00 pm
So I have lots of sensory issues, and it affects my life in many different ways.
One thing that bothers me a lot is that I feel very plain and unfashionable because of all the things I can't wear. I like a classic/ feminine style but the clothes I wear are chosen only for comfort, not for beauty.
Structured or tailored clothes are very difficult for me to wear. Jewelry is too uncomfortable when it touches my skin, and I wear my wig the absolute minimum possible. Snoods and headwear bother me too, but I manage.
What's a girl to do?
I want to feel better about myself and look more "together". Any ideas how I can do that?
Thank you.
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amother
Chartreuse
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Thu, Jul 23 2020, 3:07 pm
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Following. Same issue here!
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amother
Natural
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Thu, Jul 23 2020, 4:15 pm
What about makeup and skincare?
When I went thru a time where I didn’t feel comfortable in my own body and clothing that really helped a lot. I invested lots of time into researching all that and I got pretty makeup and my skin never looked better. I got loads of complements too so that made me feel really good about myself.
Clothing wise did you ever try comfy dresses? They are very stylish now and come in lots of pretty colors.
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FranticFrummie
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Thu, Jul 23 2020, 5:29 pm
SAME.
I may be a Frummie, and occasionally Frantic, but never Frumpy!
When I wore a sheitel, I always made sure it was styled perfectly. I learned how to do it myself, so it wouldn't cost a fortune.
I try to wear some makeup, but I cannot stand mascara or eyeliner (the staple makeup of every Israeli woman, LOL). My eyes itch too much from allergies, and I end up looking like a raccoon no matter how "smudge proof" they say it is. Just feeling something stuck to my eyelashes feels really weird.
I wear skirts with wide, soft waistbands, or dresses that flow and don't squeeze me around the waist. It's one of my main fibromyalgia trigger points. No belts, ever. No tight elastic.
I also am small chested, so I wear button down shirts that are not clingy, and I can get away with not wearing a bra. Dark colors with patterns are the best at hiding your chest. Solid colors and light patterns can show too much detail, if you know what I mean.
I wear Naot shoes exclusively. They have some super cute designs, and I can walk in them without being in constant pain.
I don't wear necklaces often, but a brooch can make an outfit look more dressy. I can't wear heavy earrings, so I always look for styles that are as light as a feather.
Now that I've given up wearing sheitels, I have soft cotton tichels in every color of the rainbow. With practice, I've learned how to wrap them comfortably. They will stay in place all day, but won't squeeze my head.
Wearing a mask is NOT fun for me, but I just deal with it when I have to. I just bought some in really cute and fun colors, like sparkly purple and pink! If I have to wear them, I'm going to make sure they match my outfits. 
In the summer I wear cotton and linen, and in the winter I wear silk or cashmere. I can only wear wool as long as it is not next to my skin. Otherwise I'll itch to death. Wool skirts with a built in liner are fine. Wool sweaters are out of the question.
My skirts are long enough that I can always wear knee highs without anyone ever knowing that they are not full stockings. In the winter I wear cotton socks, and in the summer thin stockings. If the skirt is floor length, I'll go bare legged.
In summary, the best way to avoid feeling frumpy is to wear what is flattering, and use color coordination to pull everything together. I hope some of my tips help you.
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amother
Gray
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Thu, Jul 23 2020, 5:32 pm
| amother [ Natural ] wrote: | What about makeup and skincare?
When I went thru a time where I didn’t feel comfortable in my own body and clothing that really helped a lot. I invested lots of time into researching all that and I got pretty makeup and my skin never looked better. I got loads of complements too so that made me feel really good about myself.
Clothing wise did you ever try comfy dresses? They are very stylish now and come in lots of pretty colors. |
Many sensory people don’t like the feel of make-up on their skin.
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giselle
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Thu, Jul 23 2020, 5:35 pm
There are very comfortable dresses out there. Also oversized loose tops are in style, and you can wear them with a comfortable T-shirt material flary skirt. Would you feel more comfortable in a band fall, or do you find bands uncomfortable?
Do earrings bother you? I find that a nice pair of earrings can really go a long way towards making a person look dressed.
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amother
Blush
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Thu, Jul 23 2020, 5:35 pm
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I despise being uncomfortable but I am always dressed and put together. This season is your best friend! Light weight, loose fitting flowy dresses! Comfort lovers dream! Now with so many frum companies making good sleeves and necklines you dont need shells. Makeup I dont feel so I always wear that. In terms of a wig, I just went thru a 2 year phase where I wore a fall! I finally just moved on front it cuz it was literally making me nauseas to look at but you may love a lace top (ask ur rabbi) they are much more comfy that the skin top wigs...
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amother
Tangerine
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Thu, Jul 23 2020, 5:50 pm
Fyi, a lot of flowy dresses are made from fabrics that a lot of sensory people don't like. Dd, for example, will only wear cotton.
For jewelry, I suggest small hanging earrings or small hoops. You barely feel them because they are light, and there's no backing shoved up against your ear. Definitely no bracelets.
If you can, think about Israeli tichels you tie yourself. You control how tight they are and of you tie them regularly and not too fancy, they're not too heavy and stay on. And there are some nice ones.
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amother
Gray
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Thu, Jul 23 2020, 5:52 pm
| giselle wrote: | There are very comfortable dresses out there. Also oversized loose tops are in style, and you can wear them with a comfortable T-shirt material flary skirt. Would you feel more comfortable in a band fall, or do you find bands uncomfortable?
Do earrings bother you? I find that a nice pair of earrings can really go a long way towards making a person look dressed. |
Many sensory people can’t stand the feel of earrings and some don’t have their ears pierced.
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amother
Crimson
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Thu, Jul 23 2020, 6:05 pm
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The feel of a fabric and placement of seams makes a big difference. I have some tailored clothing that is more comfortable than one might expect, and some loose things that are itchy and annoying. Look for knits, flat seams and soft elastic. I find it easier to get dressed in cool weather because a knit sweater, long gored skirt and boots are soft and comfy and don't require pantyhose, and look "pulled together." I don't wear jewelry or makeup, but I think wearing outfits that go together and are in good condition is more important to the overall look.
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ra_mom
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Thu, Jul 23 2020, 6:48 pm
| amother [ OP ] wrote: | So I have lots of sensory issues, and it affects my life in many different ways.
One thing that bothers me a lot is that I feel very plain and unfashionable because of all the things I can't wear. I like a classic/ feminine style but the clothes I wear are chosen only for comfort, not for beauty.
Structured or tailored clothes are very difficult for me to wear. Jewelry is too uncomfortable when it touches my skin, and I wear my wig the absolute minimum possible. Snoods and headwear bother me too, but I manage.
What's a girl to do?
I want to feel better about myself and look more "together". Any ideas how I can do that?
Thank you. |
You can. It just takes a whole lot of trial and error to figure out what works for you in terms of comfort and style.
Wigs can be tried in short sleek, thin so not overwhelming, pinned away from the face, pony, fall with hair band, hat fall with fun hats and fedoras, etc. Whatever feels comfortable enough for you and still feels like "you". Make an appointment at a salon that has lots of precut options and take your time.
Clothes are possible too. Once you figure out what styles and fabrics work for your comfort, you will have an easier time searching for such products online, and noticing them at the stores. You can have a signature look and stick to what you like. When you find something you like, buy it in at least 2 colors.
If you can't figure it out, go to a stylist or someone who does your color palette. It will be well worth it. You give them the perimeters and let them figure it out.
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amother
Violet
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Thu, Jul 23 2020, 7:16 pm
Not sure.
I can only wear cotton.
No jewelry.
No makeup. I tried multiple brands, they all feel uncomfortable on my face.
My wig drives me crazy. Not the hair, the cap.
Tights drives me up a wall.
Shoes- Nike sneakers only. For weddings, ballet flats. I tried wearing heels for my siblings weddings but was out of them after five minutes.
It’s a hard knock life, what should I say. I’m not about to make it harder for myself. I can’t control sounds or smells that make me go insane but I cAn mostly control my clothes.
I do have some dresses that I tolerate, look for comfortable fabrics and loose cuts.
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amother
Taupe
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Thu, Jul 23 2020, 7:54 pm
Cut my shaitel shorter and it helped a lot. I feel so validated that there other people out there who want to look good but find it hard to "live in their skin".
Can't stand shells or anything form fitting in the summer so I look pretty nerdy but presentable in blouses. Knee highs or socks. No underwire or control top.
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amother
Burgundy
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Thu, Jul 23 2020, 8:03 pm
It’s not that you’re not “able “ to dress in an uncomfortable way , it’s just that you don’t “want” to and that’s ok . I dress put together and comfortably. Not as comfortable as in , pjs and no bra but comfortable enough that I’m still put together .
I don’t like wearing bras but obviously I do because I have no choice . I don’t like turtlenecks so I don’t wear them . Get my drift ?
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oneofakind
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Thu, Jul 23 2020, 8:23 pm
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There's a difference between "not liking" and being unable to function.
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amother
OP
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Thu, Jul 23 2020, 9:27 pm
Thank you all for your comments and suggestions.
FF thanks for your detailed post. Can you tell me more about Naot shoes? Can I find them in USA? Also, the cotton tichels, I've started looking into them. The pre-tied are super uncomfortable on my neck, and the other ones it seems you need to wear some kind of stuffing underneath? How do you wear it?
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amother
OP
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Thu, Jul 23 2020, 9:35 pm
Ra-mom you gave some good ideas, thanks.
I like the idea of hiring a stylist to help me because I'm feeling so stuck. Can anyone recommend someone good in boro park?
What about a wig salon where I can try some pre-cuts, a place with kind and patient staff?
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amother
Blue
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Thu, Jul 23 2020, 9:51 pm
| amother [ Burgundy ] wrote: | | It’s not that you’re not “able “ to dress in an uncomfortable way , it’s just that you don’t “want” to and that’s ok |
She clearly does want to, or she wouldn't have posted this.
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amother
Blue
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Thu, Jul 23 2020, 9:55 pm
| amother [ Taupe ] wrote: | Cut my shaitel shorter and it helped a lot. I feel so validated that there other people out there who want to look good but find it hard to "live in their skin".
Can't stand shells or anything form fitting in the summer so I look pretty nerdy but presentable in blouses. Knee highs or socks. No underwire or control top. |
This in particular is something that many people don't realize can actually make them look and feel better. A shorter haircut/sheitel can draw the attention upward to your eyes.
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amother
Tangerine
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Thu, Jul 23 2020, 10:18 pm
| amother [ Blue ] wrote: | | This in particular is something that many people don't realize can actually make them look and feel better. A shorter haircut/sheitel can draw the attention upward to your eyes. |
Be careful, though. Hair that is shorter than just below the shoulders often hits your neck and face more, which can be an uncomfortable feeling. That's where trying on pre-cuts can help.
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