Not fasting Tisha b'Av

amother

Mon, Jul 27 2020, 3:32 pm

giselle wrote:

This thread has taken such a strange turn. Why does OP have to explain why her daughter can’t fast? She asked for ideas of how to make it meaningful...

OP, does she like reading? There are books that can help make the day more meaningful. I don’t know any for her age offhand, but maybe others with girls that age might have suggestions.

She loves to read but I haven't come across a book for her age. A holocaust book like someone else recommended might be a good idea. I'm sure I can find one easily.

amother

Mon, Jul 27 2020, 3:34 pm

amother [ Sapphire ] wrote:

Op, do you mind sharing why she won’t fast? I’m curious because I have a 12 year old daughter who has a very hard time fasting and we weren’t sure what to do. She literally gets sick, vomits, faints... we’ve been giving her lots of vitamins to try to make her stronger for the fast and we will encourage her as much as we can.
I would be interested in hearing of other 12 year olds who have a hard time with fast days.

The only times she ever fasted was before surgeries. She did fine. Sorry, I can't help you.

number

Mon, Jul 27 2020, 3:34 pm

Op maybe you can teach her about mindful eating. She should eat when her body tells her it’s necessary, and not do mindless noshing.

Beyond that what do girls that age do on tisha b’av? Read sad books, listen to sad shiurim. Assuming that she can keep the other restrictions like sitting on a low stool and not washing, it will still feel like tisha b’av.

number

Mon, Jul 27 2020, 3:39 pm

What reading level is she at? This book is a little younger but she might enjoy it https://www.shopeichlers.com/p...../6066

There’s also a touched by a story one for adults https://www.shopeichlers.com/p...../4744

Mama Bear

Mon, Jul 27 2020, 3:50 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

She can't fast because of a medical condition. She can't even fast in the evening. She had a good idea that she wouldn't be able to fast but when we asked the official shayla and told her the response, she was disappointed. It was not a shock.

Well that's a different story. If she can't fast for medical reasons then she indeed shouldn't.
There will be a lot of really great tisha b'av content to watch online.

Good Friend

Mon, Jul 27 2020, 3:52 pm

For reading remember that all suffering on golus is a result of the churban, so yes Holocaust, Inquisition, or later is all good.

More Precious than Gold is good for her age- about Spanish expulsion which took place on Tisha B'Av
A daughter of two mothers
Behind the walls
Forever my Jerusalem
Saadia Weissman

Or any- I just remember reading these books on Tisha B'Av.

DrMom

Mon, Jul 27 2020, 3:53 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Why didn't you say that in your first post? Banging head

amother

Seafoam

Mon, Jul 27 2020, 3:56 pm

DrMom wrote:

Why didn't you say that in your first post? Banging head

I thought it was pretty obvious, TBH.

giselle

Mon, Jul 27 2020, 4:18 pm

amother [ Seafoam ] wrote:

I thought it was pretty obvious, TBH.

Yes quite obvious...

amother

Copper

Mon, Jul 27 2020, 4:41 pm

Forever my Jerusalem is a great read, about a young girl exiled from the Old City during the War of Independence. To Vanquish the Dragon is a Holocaust book about a bais Yaakov girl going through the war. My dd also likes a lot of the Tisha Bav videos. Particularly, she likes the Aleph Beta ones.

You said dd is helping with a younger sibling. If she is the type, she might do well to do a Tisha Bav themed project or the like. So she is teaching about the day, and maybe making one of her own as well that might be meaningful to her.

amother

Mon, Jul 27 2020, 4:48 pm

Thanks everyone. Some great ideas. I'll go to the Judaica store tomorrow. Truth is I could spend all day there. I always want to get all the books.
I'll mention the project idea to her too, see if she's interested. She's not very artistically inclined, but maybe she would enjoy being a "teacher."

baby12x

Mon, Jul 27 2020, 4:51 pm

Maybe get her a kinnos with translation and encourage her to say some of the kinnos. Maybe there are also explanations or classes online that she can listen to about the kinnos to help her understand a bit.

southernbubby

Mon, Jul 27 2020, 5:21 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

What about ordering from the public library? You can come to the window and pick it up.

southernbubby

Mon, Jul 27 2020, 5:25 pm

I am 65 and I hope to fast but I really hope that Moshiach comes. When I fast, I stay in bed and I don't do anything else. I used to be able to run around and go places but I don't anymore. If I drink a lot the day before, I should be able to do it safely.

HonesttoGod

Mon, Jul 27 2020, 9:54 pm

FranticFrummie wrote:

My general rule is one hour of fasting for one year of age. Take it one hour at a time, and make sure your child knows that they can say when they have had enough and can't take it anymore.

(Within reason, of course. Babies and toddlers don't get treated that way, but once kids are in school, understand the day, and want to participate, then I think it's OK.)

This made me laugh because at 12-18 (my teenage years) I could fast for the longest fasts absolutely fine and that included running day camps and babysitting and baking etc all day.
As I get older and have kids of my own, I can barely fast for 4 hours without getting sick.