When you say "I'll daven for you" what do you actually do?

amother

Mon, Jul 27 2020, 4:49 pm

so many times when someone shares something they're going through I say "I'm gonna daven for you" and I do mean to, but then I forget to have them in mind.

Is there something you do to remember?

I'm not talking about official names and lists - but stam when someone shares a hardship, like even here on Imamother - and you say "I'll keep you in mind in my tefillos" do you remember to?

I feel like it's dishonest for me to say this if I end up forgetting.

What I'm trying to do now is send up a little tefillah every time I say this in my own words "Hashem please send ____ to ______ (even if it's just an Imamother name) and like that I feel like if I forget to have them in mind then at least I kept my word.

Or maybe it's something ppl just say and it just means "I'll be thinking of you?"

What are your thoughts?

thunderstorm

Mon, Jul 27 2020, 4:52 pm

I usually say a Perek of Tehillim on the spot. If I said I will keep you in mind, then I do write it down and keep a paper in my siddur and I have them in mind when Davening Shemone Esrei. Sometimes , I say Tehillim special for that as well.

hodeez

Mon, Jul 27 2020, 4:52 pm

I do the same, and I try to have them in mind by candlelighting.

amother

Aubergine

Mon, Jul 27 2020, 4:59 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

What I'm trying to do now is send up a little tefillah every time I say this in my own words "Hashem please send ____ to ______ (even if it's just an Imamother name) and like that I feel like if I forget to have them in mind then at least I kept my word.

Thats what I do too.

amother

Natural

Mon, Jul 27 2020, 5:23 pm

So I personally I am very confused by this and don't want to make a commitment I may not keep. I recently did, it was a person who was hoping to be pregnant and I was at the Mikvah. I keep repeating to myself not to forget. I davened for her but was so hyper focused that I didn't daven for my family. I am assuming Hashem knows what is in my heart anyway.

I need to say that I don't really get the anonymous davening/tehillim?
If Hashem decides you fate on RH/YK how is it impacting? I herd from my DD who said in someone else's name, that what was sealed on YK doesn't change, but rather that when we daven/give tzedaka/learn Torah...we change who we are and that the "new person" doesn't have that fate. But, how does my davening for amother red/pink/green change anyone other than myself? How does my davening effect the fate of that person? It doesn't make any sense to me.

PLEASE explain as I would love to understand.

I have people in my life who are in need of a refuah, but I have never asked people other that those who are personally connected as it seems so removed and artificial.

Please advise as I I love these people and the need a complete and speedy Refuah.

amother

Aquamarine

Mon, Jul 27 2020, 5:24 pm

I say a chapter of Tehillim and say the persons name.
Ask Hashem to send a Refuah for that person.

Last edited by amother on Tue, Aug 04 2020, 2:33 am; edited 1 time in total

PinkFridge

Mon, Jul 27 2020, 8:21 pm

I'll say a perek of Tehillim. Depending on the situation, I might do more, e.g. put the name on my Refa'einu list, or say regular Tehillim if someone's dividing the sefer, etc. But there's only so much I can do/remember so it might be a one time thing. And the occasional perek, or having them in mind when I remember.
It really varies.

HeartyAppetite

Mon, Jul 27 2020, 8:45 pm

Then and there I send up a little prayer to hashem n in my own words, in my head.
Once I’m home, if I remember and have time I will say tehiliim for them.

Odelyah

Mon, Jul 27 2020, 8:45 pm

if it's a health issue, physical or emotional, then I add them to my list of names I say in my personal tefillah at the end of shemone esrei, followed by tehillim after davening. If it's a friend who has a child who is struggling, I add their child's name to the list of names of my children and students I daven for in a tefillah I started adding in shema koleinu years ago for children and students' hatzlacha in Torah.

amother

Wheat

Mon, Jul 27 2020, 8:51 pm

amother [ Natural ] wrote:

I have wondered about this for many years. I have never heard an answer that made logical sense to me. Taking it a step further, we know hashem is perfect. If hashem decides that a person should suffer, why are we trying to talk hashem out of it? Is out plan better than his?

PinkFridge

Mon, Jul 27 2020, 9:01 pm

amother [ Wheat ] wrote:

Why do we do anything? Why do we make any hishtadlus? What's the point of the central part of the weekday amidah?
When I participate in a challah segula group, which I try to do whenever I make challah, I think about the fact that I'm giving chizuk by showing someone I care, and daven for the person or people who are that week's name(s). They are a powerful catalyst for people to show that we, klal Yisrael, are one organism. May my tefillos and that zechus do something positive.

amother

Salmon

Mon, Jul 27 2020, 9:42 pm

I try not to say things like “I’ll daven for you”, I don’t take such a commitment lightly. If I ever do say it, I’ll immediately say a perek of tehillim right then and there.

amother

Green

Mon, Jul 27 2020, 9:48 pm

let me just add that I felt very uncomfortable when people would tell me they are davening for me when I wasnt well. While appreciated, I didnt need it verbalized to me.
When I daven for people , its between God and myself.

amother

Jetblack

Mon, Jul 27 2020, 9:50 pm

It depends. If it's something immediate then I will say a perek of Tehillim right away. If it's an ongoing thing then usually I will mention the person's name in my personal prayers after the Amidah before I step back. I say those personal prayers in my own words and generally in English.

amother

Coral

Tue, Jul 28 2020, 9:09 am

I say tehillim on the spot with yehi ratzon for cholim with the name and mother's name.

ces

Tue, Jul 28 2020, 10:31 am

amother [ Natural ] wrote:

I believe there are two points here:
Hashem sends us challenges to make us closer to Him and He wants us to daven! When other people daven for someone that still accomplishes the goal of bringing us, klal yisrael, closer to Hashem.

When Hashem calculates the pain or difficulty someone may have, He also calculates how it will affect those around them. If more people are pained by someone's difficulties, Hashem will remove the difficulty because it is no longer "just" (and may give a softer or easier challenge instead). It also helps YOU, the person who feels pain for someone else and by doing so lowers the amount of pain you deserve to feel with your own challenges.

Of course Hashem is perfect and every challenge is perfectly calculated - but it may be calculated specifically in order to get both the person suffering the challenge, those who are close to them, and even those who don't actually know them but have just heard of them, to daven and become closer to Hashem as a result. Your davening also creates zechusim for the person you're davening for, not only because you're asking Hashem for that person's benefit, but also because it was that person who triggered your davening and the resulting closeness to Hashem is therefore to their credit.