Living without Jewish Neighbors-ASAP response pls!!!!

amother

Babyblue

Thu, Jul 30 2020, 12:13 am

Is there an eruv? Is it an easy walk to shul, even if the weather is not great?

Have you met the neighbors that are one block away? Are they in the same age group as you, and could you see yourself becoming friends with them? What about the other families? Talk to them and see what they think about the community and the pattern of how the kids play.

What about schools?

A lot can change over the years, but you are smart to be thinking ahead right now.

In my old neighborhood, there were frum families all around, but the kids DD's age were very wealthy, entitled, and bossy. They had very poor middos, and DD couldn't stand them.

DD met a girl on our block who was close to her age, who was not Jewish, and they hit it off immediately. She came from a good, solid family. Not particularly religious, very respectful of our ways, and always made sure that snacks from their house were packaged and had an OU heksher. They stayed friends for the next 10 years.

We did have some great families in the area as well, but none of them had girls DD's age, just lots of boys. I was friends with the good families, but most of them made Aliyah over the years, so they are now gone.

I guess what I'm saying, is that there are way too many things to consider, and there's not just one deal breaker (except eruv and shul).

Daven for wisdom and clarity!

amother

Slateblue

Thu, Jul 30 2020, 12:56 am

I won't do it with kids ages 4+ . We moved from a place with some Jewish neighbors 3 blocks away to a house with Jewish neighbors on the block. It changed everything for me. I can sit outside in a snood and read a book or talk on the phone while keeping an eye my kids who are busy with their built in playmates outside. Instead of me being the one busy entertaining them all the time.

There's no more calling before shabbos and making up a time to play with a friend a few blocks away, and then having to get dressed (if it was shabbos and I was wearing a robe) and bundling up if it was cold to bring my kids.... they could just run next door or the kids could come to us. Shabbos afternoon my kids play with a neighbor for a while and then they play by her house so I get to rest. Whenever I see a playdate start to get out of hand, I can easily just send the other kids home unlike a scheduled playdate where I may feel obligated to keep to the time we made up, or it may not be do able bec the baby is napping and I don't want to wake him so we can go bring the other child home. If Im running late (very rarely) my kids have a bunch of neighbor friends they could go play with.
Also I'm an introvert. So if I'd be a few blocks away I'd never have a social life at all bec it's hard for me to initiate. But when you have a next door neighbor, it's much easier. And while I'm an introvert I do like socializing sometimes.

Yes sometimes you can get good non Jewish neighbors with kids your ok with your kids playing - but they tend to have less kids so you'd need more families for your children to play with, plus likely they'll be some families you don't want your kids playing with and then what - tell them they could only play with certain children? What if their all outside? And before we moved sometimes on shabbos afternoon the other kids on the block would be doing some fun activities like coloring with chalk and etc... And it was hard for my kids to not be able to join in. It's so nice that now they have friends who they are really closed to and get their lifestyle - they could talk about what they did on YT, what they are learning in school (chumuwh, parsha...), who they can walk with to bonos/perchei on shabbos....

About privacy it all depends on the block.... Im a private person and am happy with were I live. I stick to certain boundaries - like certain times that neighbors can't come over to play bec I need quiet - and since they see that I'm firm with that, I don't have any problems.

Good luck

amother

Dodgerblue

Thu, Jul 30 2020, 7:43 am

My grandfather was a community rabbi in many different small towns where the level of observance was low. When I was growing up he lived in a more established frum
Community (moved there for my mom’s schooling), on an non-Jewish block and was friendly with everyone. He schmoozed with the priests down the street, greeted people in the bank by name etc. so when the non Jewish girl across the street asked me to play one Sunday, I didn’t think for a second that it would be a problem. And then my zeidy taught me a lesson for life- he said we don’t play with non-jews. This from a man who was a walking kiddush Hashem when it came to friendliness- he understood the importance of Jewish friends for Jewish kids. When we visited my grandmother would walk us all over town finding the frum girls our age to play with. So I would say if you are going to keep your kids separate and Kadosh and be on top of play dates, go for it. But if you will let your kids play with the neighbors because it’s easier, find a smaller house in a neighborhood where they will be spiritually safe.

clgrl

Thu, Jul 30 2020, 8:08 am

A similar thing happened to us. We have lots of jews on blocks surrounding our house but only 2-3 on our block and either they’re more modern or older. We davened the houses that were for sale would go to frum neighbors. We were sorely disappointed when a reform family moved into one (I thought they were just modern and was shocked when speaking to them that reform has young people). It was ok for a while as the children are still young, but our values do not line up at all, there’s the awkward part of us not trusting their kashrus, them doing things on shabbos which we wouldn’t allow our children to do and our children asking questions and crying (young ones) etc. we don’t plan to live here forever but for the time being it’s all we could get after being outbid and needing to leave our apt. We also could afford this house at the time. We hope to move in a few years. But we also know we cannot control the neighborhood. We had no way to know which neighbors would sell and to whom. Make the best of it.

Moonlight

Thu, Jul 30 2020, 9:25 am

I wouldn't do it. I grew up on a block that eventually turned frum but as a kid had no friends and used to walk 15 min to friends every shabbos. No one ever came to me though, I was on the outskirts. Compare now, my kids hang out w neighbors all day and every shabbos. I don't have to walk them and there are so many choices. I'm in a big OOT community. Btw, I have very quiet shabbos afternoons as I sit and read but my kids have very social shabbos afternoons

amother

Fri, Jul 31 2020, 12:02 pm

amother [ Babyblue ] wrote:

Is there an eruv? Is it an easy walk to shul, even if the weather is not great?
Yes to both
Have you met the neighbors that are one block away? Are they in the same age group as you, and could you see yourself becoming friends with them? What about the other families? Talk to them and see what they think about the community and the pattern of how the kids play.
Yes I know her already and she's pretty nice but she's not the most go getter type more of a homebody so I'll need to find another person that will drag me to all the social happenings in town...

What about schools?
There is one school in the neighbor hood at this point so that's not a concern
A lot can change over the years, but you are smart to be thinking ahead right now.

In my old neighborhood, there were frum families all around, but the kids DD's age were very wealthy, entitled, and bossy. They had very poor middos, and DD couldn't stand them.

DD met a girl on our block who was close to her age, who was not Jewish, and they hit it off immediately. She came from a good, solid family. Not particularly religious, very respectful of our ways, and always made sure that snacks from their house were packaged and had an OU heksher. They stayed friends for the next 10 years.

We did have some great families in the area as well, but none of them had girls DD's age, just lots of boys. I was friends with the good families, but most of them made Aliyah over the years, so they are now gone.

I guess what I'm saying, is that there are way too many things to consider, and there's not just one deal breaker (except eruv and shul).

Daven for wisdom and clarity!

[b]

Thanks for all the advice it really helped me with more clarity!