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S/o anti vax cheder and shidduchim
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amother




OP
 

Post  Thu, Jul 30 2020, 5:20 pm
Just wanted to note that the problem with shidduchim and antivax is not stigma. It's simply that people who vax don't want to have the issue of their grandchildren not being vaxxed and vice versa.

People have very strong feelings on the subject and it would not be conducive to a good marriage when spouses have such differing views on such an important health issue to their children. If this has suddenly become an issue, well, they need to deal with it. But, in new shidduchim, its understandable that just like everyone has certain criteria when looking for a spouse, that this should be important for some.

Unfortunately, since the anti vaxxers are a very tiny minority in chassidish circles, it does put those individuals in a tight spot when trying to find their bashert
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amother




Babyblue
 

Post  Thu, Jul 30 2020, 5:22 pm
I would not want to do a shidduch with ant-vaxxers. I had tenants who were anti wax and they couldn't leave fast enough.
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Stars




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Jul 30 2020, 5:23 pm
Good. Let them come to their senses.
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amother




OP
 

Post  Thu, Jul 30 2020, 5:26 pm
I actually have a friend whose son married a girl from a very well known antivax family. One of the conditions before they got married was that the children would get vaccinated. Shidduch happened. First few kids got vaccinated. Then they stopped. Husband and wife have ongoing arguments on this subject....
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amother




Violet
 

Post  Thu, Jul 30 2020, 5:29 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Just wanted to note that the problem with shidduchim and antivax is not stigma. It's simply that people who vax don't want to have the issue of their grandchildren not being vaxxed and vice versa.

People have very strong feelings on the subject and it would not be conducive to a good marriage when spouses have such differing views on such an important health issue to their children. If this has suddenly become an issue, well, they need to deal with it. But, in new shidduchim, its understandable that just like everyone has certain criteria when looking for a spouse, that this should be important for some.

Unfortunately, since the anti vaxxers are a very tiny minority in chassidish circles, it does put those individuals in a tight spot when trying to find their bashert

It is a stigma similar to short or tall or red head or learning disability or diabetes or fat. People can possibly put up with it in their spouse but they don't want it for their kids to have to deal with the same thing.
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amother




Tangerine
 

Post  Thu, Jul 30 2020, 5:33 pm
I really dont get why people think that a higher percentage of the anti vax are from not chassidish people if I get what u voice. Yet I do know a very large number of chassidus that are also against vaccines. Why do people think in the yashivish world or other cultures it's on a higher scale ??
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amother




Babyblue
 

Post  Thu, Jul 30 2020, 5:35 pm
amother [ Tangerine ] wrote:
I really dont get why people think that a higher percentage of the anti vax are from not chassidish people if I get what u voice. Yet I do know a very large number of chassidus that are also against vaccines. Why do people think in the yashivish world or other cultures it's on a higher scale ??


There's a very high number of yeshisivish anti vaxxers. But truly, who cares where the numbers are higher?
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amother




White
 

Post  Thu, Jul 30 2020, 5:43 pm
amother [ Violet ] wrote:
It is a stigma similar to short or tall or red head or learning disability or diabetes or fat. People can possibly put up with it in their spouse but they don't want it for their kids to have to deal with the same thing.


All of your examples are issues that are from Hashem. Being anti-vax is a deliberate decision.
I am the poster from the cheder thread who mentioned my relative struggling with shidduchim.
It is excruciating to watch.
Families are saying no primarily due to two reasons:
- They are worried about the health implications.
- They do not want to consider a shidduch with people they view as "oiber chachamim".
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amother




Violet
 

Post  Thu, Jul 30 2020, 5:46 pm
amother [ White ] wrote:
All of your examples are issues that are from Hashem. Being anti-vax is a deliberate decision.
I am the poster from the cheder thread who mentioned my relative struggling with shidduchim.
It is excruciating to watch.
Families are saying no primarily due to two reasons:
- They are worried about the health implications.
- They do not want to consider a shidduch with people they view as "oiber chachamim".

You're right, my examples weren't comparative. Try: chassidish mother driving, family taking weird-location vacations, living rich lifestlye.
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amother




Oak
 

Post  Thu, Jul 30 2020, 5:47 pm
amother [ Violet ] wrote:
It is a stigma similar to short or tall or red head or learning disability or diabetes or fat. People can possibly put up with it in their spouse but they don't want it for their kids to have to deal with the same thing.


Nope, it's not a stigma like the one's you mentioned above. Diabetes isn't a stigma either, Diabetes is an illness and chronic condition. A learning disability isn't a stigma either, it can run in the family.
I don't think there's a stigma attached to being short or tall.
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amother




Ruby
 

Post  Thu, Jul 30 2020, 5:49 pm
The topic of vaccines allows very little compromise and the discussion about them can get super heated. Just check on this site it's ridiculous how emotional it gets. Imagine that discussion in a marriage! It would be very difficult. We make sure that values align when it comes to shidduchim and it's in a persons best interest that this will not be an issue to contend with while married.
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amother




Oak
 

Post  Thu, Jul 30 2020, 5:49 pm
amother [ Violet ] wrote:
You're right, my examples weren't comparative. Try: chassidish mother driving, family taking weird-location vacations, living rich lifestlye.


Not to compare either. These things don't affect the health or run in with legal issues.
And many anti vaxxers have a certain attitude that I wouldn't want in my family. Many are also very vocal about their opinions in a not nice way.
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nchr




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Jul 30 2020, 6:25 pm
Anti vax also often comes with some personality traits that people may want to avoid (like going against the grain, very opinionated, outspoken) even though other people value these traits. However, just because the parents are anti vax doesn't mean the children are but who knows in that circumstance.
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amother




Coral
 

Post  Thu, Jul 30 2020, 8:36 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Just wanted to note that the problem with shidduchim and antivax is not stigma. It's simply that people who vax don't want to have the issue of their grandchildren not being vaxxed and vice versa.

People have very strong feelings on the subject and it would not be conducive to a good marriage when spouses have such differing views on such an important health issue to their children. If this has suddenly become an issue, well, they need to deal with it. But, in new shidduchim, its understandable that just like everyone has certain criteria when looking for a spouse, that this should be important for some.

Unfortunately, since the anti vaxxers are a very tiny minority in chassidish circles, it does put those individuals in a tight spot when trying to find their bashert


the percentage of anti vaxxers may be low but:
1. it's growing quickly
2. the percentage of people tolerating and agreeing with anti vax is a lot bigger than it seems on here although they themselves vax
3. I would definitely want a shidduch where my child doesn't have to fight for her/his beliefs so it's a two way street
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Brownies




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Jul 30 2020, 8:37 pm
amother [ Violet ] wrote:
It is a stigma similar to short or tall or red head or learning disability or diabetes or fat. People can possibly put up with it in their spouse but they don't want it for their kids to have to deal with the same thing.


What?
This is a thing?
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amother




Coral
 

Post  Thu, Jul 30 2020, 8:38 pm
nchr wrote:
Anti vax also often comes with some personality traits that people may want to avoid (like going against the grain, very opinionated, outspoken) even though other people value these traits. However, just because the parents are anti vax doesn't mean the children are but who knows in that circumstance.


I definitely know some anti vaxxers who are very strong minded and outspoken. I wouldn't want to do a shidduch with them. ever
I also know pro vaxxers who are very strong minded and outspoken. I wouldn't want to do a shidduch with them. ever.
then I know people who were simply hurt by the process of vaccinating and are preferring not to vax and unfortunately it blew up and their decision became public property....
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amother




Gray
 

Post  Thu, Jul 30 2020, 8:49 pm
My friend's DH got frustrated with the whole anti vaxing meshugas so he took his kids to the doctor without his wife's permission and got them all vaxxed up.

Definitely something to consider if you want shalom bayis for your kids.
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amother




Violet
 

Post  Thu, Jul 30 2020, 8:55 pm
amother [ Gray ] wrote:
My friend's DH got frustrated with the whole anti vaxing meshugas so he took his kids to the doctor without his wife's permission and got them all vaxxed up.

Definitely something to consider if you want shalom bayis for your kids.

Something wrong with their SB if a DH would do this without knowledge of his wife. I can say this as someone who has been in this position and observed many others going through this. Most couples figure it out between themselves one way or another.
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amother




Vermilion
 

Post  Thu, Jul 30 2020, 8:56 pm
nchr wrote:
Anti vax also often comes with some personality traits that people may want to avoid (like going against the grain, very opinionated, outspoken) even though other people value these traits. However, just because the parents are anti vax doesn't mean the children are but who knows in that circumstance.


also krum frum
almost every anti vaxxer I know
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amother




Gray
 

Post  Thu, Jul 30 2020, 8:57 pm
amother [ Violet ] wrote:
Something wrong with their SB if a DH would do this without knowledge of his wife. I can say this as someone who has been in this position and observed many others going through this. Most couples figure it out between themselves one way or another.

The wife is a rock. A non negotiable brick. Kids were home for an extended time because she refused any compromise. DH had it. And did what he did was right. She can leave him if she so wishes, but obviously she decided to stay...
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