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Social anxiety in son- how to resolve it?

 
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amother




OP
 

Post  Fri, Jul 31 2020, 10:03 am
My son needs help socially. He seems to be scared of other children. Like at a park a child will try to wave and say hi and he'll hide behind my back and get this blank look on his face,, like he'll completely freeze up. Its more than just shyness, I can't explain it well, but I know children and his reaction is more extreme. Did any of you deal with this and resolve this issue? Tysm
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#BestBubby




 
 
 
 

Post  Fri, Jul 31 2020, 10:14 am
Hi, SEIT here.

You don't say how old your son is. Does he attend school? Have siblings?

Try inviting a neighbor mom over with one quiet kid. Don't try to make them play together.
It is ok if they "parallel" play - each doing their own thing but watching each other.

Playing together doesn't happen until 3 - 4 years old and only after kids have
"parallel" played together for awhile.

Very important: Don't talk about how your son is "shy" or has "anxiety" around your son. Not to your DH, Mother, neighbor, teacher, etc. - only in PRIVATE.

Kids DO understand more than you think and once you pin a label on your child it will be very discouraging and make the child think he "cannot".

Don't apologize for your son saying he is "shy". Just say "DS does not feel like talking right now"
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#BestBubby




 
 
 
 

Post  Fri, Jul 31 2020, 10:25 am
Another thing to do is to play "mentchies" (dolls) with him - acting out two friends.

Mom-doll: Hi.

DS: Hi.

Mom-doll: Watch me go on the slide.

DS: I can go on the slide too

Mom: I'm Moishie. What's your name?

DS: Dovid.

Mom-doll: Wanna race to the gate?

Mom: Wanna play tag?
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amother




Apricot
 

Post  Fri, Jul 31 2020, 10:26 am
Does he get strep a lot?
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amother




OP
 

Post  Fri, Jul 31 2020, 10:31 am
Thank u so much best bubby so helpful! He has enlarged tonsils but never diagnosed w strep
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amother




Beige
 

Post  Fri, Jul 31 2020, 10:36 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
My son needs help socially. He seems to be scared of other children. Like at a park a child will try to wave and say hi and he'll hide behind my back and get this blank look on his face,, like he'll completely freeze up. Its more than just shyness, I can't explain it well, but I know children and his reaction is more extreme. Did any of you deal with this and resolve this issue? Tysm


My son had exactly this at age 3 or 4. He was diagnosed with selective mutism - it's a type of social anxiety where they freeze up and can't talk. A few months of therapy and he eventually outgrew it - he's 9 now and one of the most popular kids in his class bH.
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amother




Apricot
 

Post  Fri, Jul 31 2020, 10:38 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Thank u so much best bubby so helpful! He has enlarged tonsils but never diagnosed w strep
there might be strep hiding out inside even if it’s not showing up on a culture. Chronic strep can cause all kinds of anxiety in kids, inlcuding social anxiety. You can run a blood test for strep titers to see if his body is fighting hidden strep.
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amother




OP
 

Post  Fri, Jul 31 2020, 10:59 am
amother [ Beige ] wrote:
My son had exactly this at age 3 or 4. He was diagnosed with selective mutism - it's a type of social anxiety where they freeze up and can't talk. A few months of therapy and he eventually outgrew it - he's 9 now and one of the most popular kids in his class bH.
thanks so much can u refer me to anyone , I'm in New York area..also how did ur son go from that to most popular thats amazing!!
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amother




OP
 

Post  Fri, Jul 31 2020, 11:23 am
amother [ Apricot ] wrote:
there might be strep hiding out inside even if it’s not showing up on a culture. Chronic strep can cause all kinds of anxiety in kids, inlcuding social anxiety. You can run a blood test for strep titers to see if his body is fighting hidden strep.
thanks can u direct me somewhere in ny area...I assume you're referring to pandas my Dr is not a believer
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amother




Coffee
 

Post  Fri, Jul 31 2020, 11:56 am
I have a son just like this. on the flip side he is a sweet sensitive boy with a heart of gold because he is so emotionally sensitive. he has gotten much better over the years (it usually gets better bit by bit until they outgrow) but he has bad flareups when transitioning to new things like a new school. there is a fantastic workbook on Amazon called "what to do when you worry too much" and she may have a book about social anxiety as well.
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amother




Seafoam
 

Post  Fri, Jul 31 2020, 11:57 am
My 6 year old is like this. I believe he has a form of social anxiety. What helps is giving him prompts before we leave the house. "DS, what do we do if we see a friend?" and he knows to say Hi. Or we'll see a friend from a distance and I'll prompt him to wave. The more prompting I give, the more likely he is to react appropriately. Also, gently push him to approach friends. For example, he saw a neighbor outside riding a bike and was too shy to ask him to ride with him, so we went over together to ask the friend. The more he does it the easier it gets and then you can work on bigger steps.
I have also signed him up for a social skills group, but that's on hold now due to COVID.
(BTW - I am working together with a therapist who is guiding me how to work with him. I do think he is slowly improving)
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amother




Apricot
 

Post  Fri, Jul 31 2020, 12:16 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
thanks can u direct me somewhere in ny area...I assume you're referring to pandas my Dr is not a believer
im not sure if she’s still seeing pandas patients but dr Susan Shulman in bklyn is a good place to start
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amother




Olive
 

Post  Fri, Jul 31 2020, 12:16 pm
Since you live in NY, can you apply for seit for your son? How old is he?

I work as a seit, with a focus on children with social difficulties. I've bh seen alot of success so I'm very pro seit and think that can be very helpful for your son. Just make sure that you get the right person (I've worked in classrooms with some amazing therapists and unfortunately with some that just sit a shmooze the whole time, or check their phone... I always feel so bad for those kids - the parents have no idea that their children are not getting the help they need) but I guess it's like anything - you need to do your research.
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