I just yelled at my 3 yo so loud, my throats is sorr

lfab

Sun, Aug 02 2020, 10:04 pm

Mincha shouldn't take all that long. Is there any way you can push off bedtime by 20 minutes so dh can be home to help? Or start putting the 3 year old to bed while dh is at shul and by the time your ready to settle baby down dh should be home to help with the 3year old if he comes out of bed.

amother

Khaki

Mon, Aug 03 2020, 9:38 pm

This situation is so hard. The times that this happens to me, I feel so ashamed. BH not often. But it’s so hard when you have so much patience and then something happens and that tips it over the edge.
Can you have the three-year-old sleep with the six-year-old?
Can you put them to sleep in the same room? You could always transfer the baby out

amother

Mon, Aug 03 2020, 9:43 pm

snowflake1 wrote:

We tried putting 3 & 6 yo together but it didn't work. 6 yo is very mesudar, does not like when 3 yo touches or messes his things.
Tonight I took them out and by the time I brought them home everyone was asleep- I just put them into bed. That gives me another night to prepare for the next bedtime battle,

amother

Papaya

Mon, Aug 03 2020, 11:23 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Shema and book: sometimes I do it together with the baby. I feed her to sleep though (only way to get her to sleep long stretches at night) so I need that quiet, private fifteen- twenty minutes until she falls asleep.
I wish I could have him occupied during that time, and then do bedtime for him afterward, but he constantly follows me, and always wakes her up.

You're right - the part I need to work on is getting him to know that I don't stay in the room until he falls asleep, but he can't leave his room. Any ideas on how I can help him learn that?

Although not staying in the room is usually good advice, I don’t think it’s the right thing in your case. Sounds like you 3 year old is jealous of your time wirh the baby and plunking him in bed and leaving him will just re-Enforce to him that you care more about his sister (obviously not true but to his 3 year old mind it may be distressing). I would suggest that you put the baby to sleep first, with promises to the 3 year old of a treat or prize as soon as you come out of baby’s room (if he didn’t bang on the door or come in- make it 2 simple steps that he needs to do in order to get it) and if that doesn’t work, do the big bad sirring him in front of Mr Rogers or something. He needs the whole you at bedtime, to cuddle and reassure him of his importance and place in your day. You mentioned a babysitter- maybe he feels like he’s not getting enough of you, and just needs that reassurance, uninterrupted by his little sister. Good luck! You sound like a great mom!

amother

Smokey

Tue, Aug 04 2020, 1:35 am

I just want to say “I feel you” I had a similar issue with my 5 year old- different issue but I don’t like the way I acted but it was because I felt so helpless and powerless. It really makes things hard when you feel like that.

There is a chapter in the precious little sleep book thet discusses getting older kids to stay in their room post crib.

It’s very challenging. I hope things get better soon

FranticFrummie

Tue, Aug 04 2020, 1:51 am

OP, I am genuinely hugging your posts. Hug

I work as a nanny for a 4yo and a 5 month old. Between 6:30 and 8pm is what I call "the screaming hours." It is what it is, and it seems to be the biological clock for both of them. I can't get the baby to go down until big sister goes down, because baby has a severe case of FOMO (fear of missing out).

Big sister wants to stay up 5 minutes longer.

This is SO NORMAL! You are NOT FAILING. If you took a poll, I'm willing to bet that the vast majority of moms will tell you that they have a "screaming hour." There is no magic solution.

If you need DH to stay home, or you need to change bedtimes so that DH can help, then that's what you do.

As for the 3 year old coming out of bed, oy, BTDT. I never figured it out. I told DD she had to stay in her room, but she didn't have to sleep. She could use her night light to look at books, she could play with stuffed animals, she could do anything quiet, but she needed to stay in. If she needed the bathroom "one more time", all she had to do was tell me and I would give her the OK.

You would not believe the cute positions I would find her in in the morning! She slept in the weirdest places. In a chair, UNDER her bed, curled up in a corner, all over the room. Sometimes I'd find her in her doorway, where she could "keep an eye on me". I got some great pictures this way.

You know what? You do what works. Sleeping in the bed is overrated. Wink

https://scontent.ftlv2-1.fna.f.....D414F

Last edited by FranticFrummie on Tue, Aug 04 2020, 3:58 am; edited 1 time in total

rowo

Tue, Aug 04 2020, 2:10 am

I think many of us feel your pain and frustration!
There are so many good ideas already,
One more thing that helps us a bit at bedtime is audio books.
My kids really like listening to stories in bed. There are lots of Jewish stories available online, or you could use old fashion CD’s. Smile

My kids love rabbi burston
Or there are apps that you can download audiobooks for kids, many libraries have free programs as well.

Maybe your 3yo could listen in bed while you feed the baby and then come back to him?

aliavi

Tue, Aug 04 2020, 7:33 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

No other minyan. Only other choice is to daven at home. Pushing up or back bedtime has not worked no matter how I've tried.
Prizes do not work with his age. (They work nicely with my older kids. He is too young to care about any future prizes.)

Gummy vitamins have worked wonders in my home Hiding

amother

Mauve

Tue, Aug 04 2020, 7:52 am

Op I have been in ur position many times over with my kids. When I had less kids I was able to get the baby on a schedule of not needing to be fed until after the bigger ones went to sleep. Eventually it lll came along a kid who who didn’t like that plan and I needed a new idea. Another poster mentioned it and it has worked great for two kids worth already. I feed baby while sitting on the bed of the one I’m trying to get to sleep. Baby usually takes twenty mins and by that time I usual have both fast asleep. I sing softly or sing-song a story all in a dark room. This way the big one won’t distract baby and if the bigger one starts to move around then I will rub their back with the free hand. I also make sure to keep a distance between baby and the bigger one. No hands or feet touching each other so that they won’t feel each other’s movement.

Hope this is helpful op.

amother

Thu, Aug 06 2020, 10:05 pm

Update:
Tuesday- I yelled but not as loud or as long. He ended up coming downstairs and hanging out near me on the couch and falling asleep.

Yesterday: we did errands and he fell asleep in the car on the way home. I transferred him to bed.

Today: chasdei Hashem, we had a great routine tonight. Dh watched baby (ds was ready for bed earlier than usual so this was before mincha), I read a long story, said shema, hugged and kissed... and he stayed in bed.
I'm so excited to give him husband hard earned treat tomorrow

amother

Tue, Aug 18 2020, 8:45 pm

Hashem should continue giving me strength and siyata dishmaya.

The past two weeks, I've been planning outings (errands) at around bedtime so that he falls asleep in the car and I transfer him. Or, I ask Dh to watch him while I put my baby to sleep. Somehow, thankfully, my baby is getting tired earlier so it's just before mincha- so Dh can watch my 3 yo while baby goes to sleep and then I take over.
I make sure to wait until he is tired. If he fell asleep in the car on the way home from daycamp that day , I start bedtime later than usual. Boruch Hashem I have not yelled since I posted. It's actually been rather pleasant.
And he's not waking up at insanely early hours anymore either! Thank You Hashem!!