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Wedding expense articles in family first magazine
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amother




OP
 

Post  Mon, Aug 03 2020, 11:32 am
I only get the magazines from a friend a few weeks after shes done with them so forgive me if this was already discussed. I read the first article which outlines the expenses different parents had in detail total cost they spent whether they were mother of chosson or kallah and what number child it was etc.
then I read the follow up article in a diff magazine where more people weighed in.
Am I the only one reading the articles in shock? One person writes that their 100 thousand dollar wedding was considered simple and average for their area?
50 thousand was cheap?
38 thousand for a mother of a chosson?
and this is only one side of the equation! which means there was a whole lot more money being spent from the other side too.
The numbers are astounding!
I know Im young and only have a few little kids and not marrying off my kids any time soon. But I cannot imagine ever being able to do so. My husband learns in kollel we live on my teachers salary, we dont even earn the cost of one super cheap and thrifty wedding in a full years salary! we live in NY area and together we earn only about 40k in one year.
How are we supposed to ever marry off our kids? Even the "cheap Takanah" weddings are gulp 20 thousand. for one side! Im not sure where we will get that money from. I never considered myself poor. BH we have money for rent food and other expenses. suddenly now I feel very very poor. where does everyone get an extra 50 thousand dollars for one childs wedding? and Im assuming most people have 6-8 kids to marry off.

and does that mean the cheapest and most thrifty weddings are about average 40-50 thousand total?
can someone explain to me why that is even normal? To blow 50 thousand dollars on a one night party?
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amother




Tan
 

Post  Mon, Aug 03 2020, 12:06 pm
This article made my entire pesach. My husband and I stayed up late after the Seder going through it and we’re absolutely shocked by some of the numbers! I wish they’d make it an ongoing feature: I was riveted to see what people spend money on (and what they don’t)
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amother




Aubergine
 

Post  Mon, Aug 03 2020, 12:10 pm
This has been discussed.
Bottom line; everyone has different financial and other circumstances.
Everyone should do what works for them.
There are different circles in frum society, along with different norms, expectations and peer pressure that come along with it.

Here you go;
https://www.imamother.com/foru.....97061

https://www.imamother.com/foru.....97137
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amother




Rose
 

Post  Mon, Aug 03 2020, 12:12 pm
A takanah wedding in Lakewood is approx 15 thousand. Approx 10k Kalla 5k chosson. But when you add in gifts, gowns, makeup, chosson/Kalla classes, the numbers do add up quickly.
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Just One




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Aug 03 2020, 12:19 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I only get the magazines from a friend a few weeks after shes done with them so forgive me if this was already discussed. I read the first article which outlines the expenses different parents had in detail total cost they spent whether they were mother of chosson or kallah and what number child it was etc.
then I read the follow up article in a diff magazine where more people weighed in.
Am I the only one reading the articles in shock? One person writes that their 100 thousand dollar wedding was considered simple and average for their area?
50 thousand was cheap?
38 thousand for a mother of a chosson?
and this is only one side of the equation! which means there was a whole lot more money being spent from the other side too.
The numbers are astounding!
I know Im young and only have a few little kids and not marrying off my kids any time soon. But I cannot imagine ever being able to do so. My husband learns in kollel we live on my teachers salary, we dont even earn the cost of one super cheap and thrifty wedding in a full years salary! we live in NY area and together we earn only about 40k in one year.
How are we supposed to ever marry off our kids? Even the "cheap Takanah" weddings are gulp 20 thousand. for one side! Im not sure where we will get that money from. I never considered myself poor. BH we have money for rent food and other expenses. suddenly now I feel very very poor. where does everyone get an extra 50 thousand dollars for one childs wedding? and Im assuming most people have 6-8 kids to marry off.

and does that mean the cheapest and most thrifty weddings are about average 40-50 thousand total?
can someone explain to me why that is even normal? To blow 50 thousand dollars on a one night party?

I agree with you that the numbers are crazy and I hope to raise my kids with enough Independence and self worth so they understand that we need to do what works for us.
One little correction, nobody featured in that article spent 50k on a one night party. That money includes some expensive, long term purchases/investments like furniture, appliances chosson/kallah classes, houseware, wigs etc.
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amother




OP
 

Post  Mon, Aug 03 2020, 12:29 pm
Thanks. I read through that whole thread. Didnt realize it was already discussed.
Rich people can do what they want , spend as much as youd like. I dont really care. People who are not rich can also spend 100k and go into debt for that if thats what they choose- again I dont really care.
The problem is that I am realizing that I am very very poor. and all of the people in the magazine paid minimum 20k for what they call a bare bones wedding and I am feeling despair because there is no way I can see myself ever being able to pay even that.
Forget about the rich people. where do all the poor people get their money from?
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giselle




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Aug 03 2020, 12:32 pm
The truth is OP, that even without weddings, it will be very hard to live on that salary anywhere. I’m assuming when the need arises, your husband will go to work and hopefully bring in more money.
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amother




Apricot
 

Post  Mon, Aug 03 2020, 12:33 pm
I got married in e"y and I had a gorgeous wedding. Beautiful hall, flowers, band etc. Cost both sides 10k. Which is still a lot of money, but less than what they would spend here!!!

ETA** it was deff. an adjustment not getting married in NY or a typical hall like edens palace or shaarei tzion but I LOVED it. Going to the mikvah in e"Y was amazing! I had an American style wedding in Israel that didnt break the bank. People should be more open to that. I loved it! I got to spend the most kadosh night in yerushalayim ir hakadosh!! What a better way to start my new life
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amother




Forestgreen
 

Post  Mon, Aug 03 2020, 12:37 pm
People take out home equity loans for weddings or refinance and take out $ from their house.
Iyh - you’ll see with hashems help you will be able to do it.
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Rappel




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Aug 03 2020, 12:43 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Thanks. I read through that whole thread. Didnt realize it was already discussed.
Rich people can do what they want , spend as much as youd like. I dont really care. People who are not rich can also spend 100k and go into debt for that if thats what they choose- again I dont really care.
The problem is that I am realizing that I am very very poor. and all of the people in the magazine paid minimum 20k for what they call a bare bones wedding and I am feeling despair because there is no way I can see myself ever being able to pay even that.
Forget about the rich people. where do all the poor people get their money from?


#gemachs
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amother




cornflower
 

Post  Mon, Aug 03 2020, 12:48 pm
You need to start saving NOW for your kids weddings. That was my takeaway and we bH started doing that, with our unexpected Corona money we weren’t counting on. Sure I’d have liked to spend it on other stuff...
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amother




OP
 

Post  Mon, Aug 03 2020, 12:57 pm
heres another thing I read about in shock. am I the only one? on that other thread people were saying how 7k to spend on a watch is ridiculous and there is nothing wrong with a 1k watch.
and I am thinking a thousand dollars?! On a watch?
Am I the only one that thinks that spending a thousand dollars on a watch is absurd ? My own watch cost me 40 dollars on Amazon and Im really happy with it. It looks beautiful and it tells time.
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amother




OP
 

Post  Mon, Aug 03 2020, 1:00 pm
amother [ cornflower ] wrote:
You need to start saving NOW for your kids weddings. That was my takeaway and we bH started doing that, with our unexpected Corona money we weren’t counting on. Sure I’d have liked to spend it on other stuff...

Yeah I see. Except the most I can put away is 200$ a month. my daughter is 5 Im guessing she will get married when shes 20. so in 15 years I will have saved 30k approx for one kid. but what about the other kids?
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amother




Orange
 

Post  Mon, Aug 03 2020, 1:00 pm
amother [ Apricot ] wrote:
I got married in e"y and I had a gorgeous wedding. Beautiful hall, flowers, band etc. Cost both sides 10k. Which is still a lot of money, but less than what they would spend here!!!

ETA** it was deff. an adjustment not getting married in NY or a typical hall like edens palace or shaarei tzion but I LOVED it. Going to the mikvah in e"Y was amazing! I had an American style wedding in Israel that didnt break the bank. People should be more open to that. I loved it! I got to spend the most kadosh night in yerushalayim ir hakadosh!! What a better way to start my new life


It sure sounds beautiful. Are you saying that you were American families that decided to make the wedding in Israel? In that case wouldn’t you need to add the airfare for all family members? Perhaps hotel too?
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amother




Orange
 

Post  Mon, Aug 03 2020, 1:03 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
heres another thing I read about in shock. am I the only one? on that other thread people were saying how 7k to spend on a watch is ridiculous and there is nothing wrong with a 1k watch.
and I am thinking a thousand dollars?! On a watch?
Am I the only one that thinks that spending a thousand dollars on a watch is absurd ? My own watch cost me 40 dollars on amazon and Im really happy with it. It looks beautiful and it tells time.

There are still girls out there who would be happy to get a 40$ Amazon watch. Few and far between, but they exist. Just make sure you do a shidduch with people who share your mentality regarding spending and you’re good!
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Rappel




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Aug 03 2020, 1:05 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Yeah I see. Except the most I can put away is 200$ a month. my daughter is 5 Im guessing she will get married when shes 20. so in 15 years I will have saved 30k approx for one kid. but what about the other kids?


OP, I found those threads fascinating and disturbing.

Yes, I think you should do only what you can afford.

When your children get married, I guess you can either offer them money toward a wedding, or money toward their lives/businesses, whatever amount makes sense at the time.

But saving toward your children's future is a good idea, whatever happens nuptially. So put away that $200 - they'll thank you later, when you can give them that little boost into life.
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Rappel




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Aug 03 2020, 1:06 pm
amother [ Orange ] wrote:
There are still girls out there who would be happy to get a 40$ Amazon watch. Few and far between, but they exist. Just make sure you do a shidduch with people who share your mentality regarding spending and you’re good!


You wouldn't be?
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amother




Mustard
 

Post  Mon, Aug 03 2020, 1:18 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Yeah I see. Except the most I can put away is 200$ a month. my daughter is 5 Im guessing she will get married when shes 20. so in 15 years I will have saved 30k approx for one kid. but what about the other kids?

Side point -speak to a professional about a wise investment strategy for whatever you are saving.
$200 monthly for 15 years at 6% interest grows to $58,409.
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Elfrida




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Aug 03 2020, 1:18 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
heres another thing I read about in shock. am I the only one? on that other thread people were saying how 7k to spend on a watch is ridiculous and there is nothing wrong with a 1k watch.
and I am thinking a thousand dollars?! On a watch?
Am I the only one that thinks that spending a thousand dollars on a watch is absurd ? My own watch cost me 40 dollars on amazon and Im really happy with it. It looks beautiful and it tells time.


Almost fifty years ago, before he got married, my father bought himself a Rolex watch. On the basis that after he was married he would never be able to spend that sort of money on himself again. (He was right.) Since then its needed occasional repairs, but still works perfectly and he wears it every day.

Whether he should have put the money towards the wedding expenses is arguable. But the point is that he saved up and bought it himself. He didn't ask or expect anyone else to lay out that sort of money for him.
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amother




Apricot
 

Post  Mon, Aug 03 2020, 1:20 pm
Rappel wrote:
You wouldn't be?


my friend got a 10k rolex as a kallah. I was in SHOCK. and my other friend just got the same watch as her push present. pathetic!!
I love the non brand name watch my husband got me
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