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Wedding expense articles in family first magazine
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mig100




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Aug 04 2020, 6:24 pm
Elfrida wrote:
That brings us back to the question 9f how much is necessary to make a girl/kallah happy. Whether she can be happy with the basics, or won't be happy unless she has the same as all her friends and a bit extra, because she is special.


yes. good point the question of "HOW MUCH" is a good one.

as an aside, I am ALL for lower cost and definitely the lower the standards , the easier it is to bring happiness with small things. which is itself a reason itself don't want to spoil my kids.

for example, if they shop at the lower end stores their whole lives, its easy to make a kallah feel special by going to an average store. I felt really super special in my kallah / vort dress and it costed about the same that many spend on a teen every yom tov.

the question of "WHY we buy things for a kallh if shes old enough to get married and have a job ?" is really bothersome to me on a Jewish hashkafic form.
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Mommyg8




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Aug 04 2020, 6:31 pm
mig100 wrote:
yes. good point the question of "HOW MUCH" is a good one.

as an aside, I am ALL for lower cost and definitely the lower the standards , the easier it is to bring happiness with small things. which is itself a reason itself don't want to spoil my kids.

for example, if they shop at the lower end stores their whole lives, its easy to make a kallah feel special by going to an average store. I felt really super special in my kallah / vort dress and it costed about the same that many spend on a teen every yom tov.

the question of "WHY we buy things for a kallh if shes old enough to get married and have a job ?" is really bothersome to me on a Jewish hashkafic form.


Applause Applause Applause Applause
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allthingsblue




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Aug 04 2020, 6:40 pm
mig100 wrote:
yes. good point the question of "HOW MUCH" is a good one.

as an aside, I am ALL for lower cost and definitely the lower the standards , the easier it is to bring happiness with small things. which is itself a reason itself don't want to spoil my kids.

for example, if they shop at the lower end stores their whole lives, its easy to make a kallah feel special by going to an average store. I felt really super special in my kallah / vort dress and it costed about the same that many spend on a teen every yom tov.

the question of "WHY we buy things for a kallh if shes old enough to get married and have a job ?" is really bothersome to me on a Jewish hashkafic form.


Very well said.
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tigerwife




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Aug 04 2020, 8:41 pm
These threads come up again and again with the same posts.

There is nothing wrong with buying beautiful gifts for your chosson/kallah if you can afford it.

It’s important to raise your children as individuals who can understand that different people get different things and that’s ok. We are happiest if we focus on our own plates.
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asmileaday




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Aug 04 2020, 8:47 pm
tigerwife wrote:
These threads come up again and again with the same posts.

There is nothing wrong with buying beautiful gifts for your chosson/kallah if you can afford it.

It’s important to raise your children as individuals who can understand that different people get different things and that’s ok. We are happiest if we focus on our own plates.


Yeah just about sums it up. I feel like we've been though this a gazillion times but I always get sucked in again LOL .
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amother




OP
 

Post  Wed, Aug 05 2020, 12:28 am
amother [ Lemon ] wrote:
Op,
What kind of wedding did you have?
Were you happy with the amount of spending?
You don't really live in a bubble.
I assume you got married in a hall, got some sort of jewelry, wore a gown and bought clothing for sheva brachos.
Did you keep track of your parents expenses? Do you think they should have spent less/more?


Super simple hall. It was more like a school assembly room but I was fine with it. The outside grounds were gorgeous so I had a nice place to take pictures .
Gown borrowed from a friend . I paid for dry cleaning. I loved her gown when she wore it to her wedding a few months before me and she told me I could borrow it when I got engaged. Sheva brochos outfits I had 3 beautiful dresses I wore to friends weddings the year before that I bought with my own money. They worked just fine as sheva brochos outfits.
Diamond ring was the only thing I really wanted. Husband paid out of his own savings. The rest was sterling silver or swarovski crystal jewelry which I actually think is super pretty. My parents offered to spend more I said no. I was fine with minimum. I felt guilty taking their money. They need it for themselves.
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amother




Brunette
 

Post  Wed, Aug 05 2020, 1:25 am
We all come from different circles where expectations differ.
A number of years ago, they introduced tekunes for the satmar chassidish crowd. A community that has their standards that most people follow to some extent. (I grew up there so this imho based on experience)
in addition to cheaper all inclusive halls, they introduced the unthinkable... which is, less ‘useless’ gifts (think silver esrog case) and jewelry with fake diamonds etc. lots of people were on board with it and still follow those tekunes till today.
On the other hand, stuff like furniture and houseware was never a part of the tekunes because it’s considered a necessity (although they do offer various more affordable packages to help out with those expenses)
On the other hand, other communities put emphasis on different parts of the Simcha and therefore wouldnt spend on stuff like furniture or houseware and think spending on furniture to be absurd.
It’s cool to discuss this, but ultimately this forum spans so many different communities that it’s really unfair to criticize someone for wanting that real diamond or houseware.
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amother




Lemon
 

Post  Wed, Aug 05 2020, 1:50 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Super simple hall. It was more like a school assembly room but I was fine with it. The outside grounds were gorgeous so I had a nice place to take pictures .
Gown borrowed from a friend . I paid for dry cleaning. I loved her gown when she wore it to her wedding a few months before me and she told me I could borrow it when I got engaged. Sheva brochos outfits I had 3 beautiful dresses I wore to friends weddings the year before that I bought with my own money. They worked just fine as sheva brochos outfits.
Diamond ring was the only thing I really wanted. Husband paid out of his own savings. The rest was sterling silver or swarovski crystal jewelry which I actually think is super pretty. My parents offered to spend more I said no. I was fine with minimum. I felt guilty taking their money. They need it for themselves.


So would you want that standard for your kids?
If you would than what is the problem?
Yes people will spend more than you can spend on many things in lilfe. But if that is not your plan, what is the issue?
Unless you don't like this plan, in which case you will need to set things up differently- but you don't need the FF to tell you that... right?
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amother




Periwinkle
 

Post  Wed, Aug 05 2020, 6:29 am
Mama Bear wrote:
I'm a little confused. You didnt get a watch when you got engaged? you didnt give your choson a watch either?
I got married in 1995 and my husband's gold watch cost $950 back then.
This is reality. Marrying off kids costs money. Why do you think there are constant fundraisers for people's weddings?


I do not understand the mentality that allows anyone to accept tzedakah in order to pay for a fancy watch. (And by fancy, I mean anything more than $50. The watch that I wear cost me $25, reduced from $50, and I am delighted with it. There are many lovely $50 watches.)

There is a finite amount of money available at any time. If someone receives money from tzedakah to buy a watch, there is less money available to feed people who are going hungry.

I'm not saying that you used tzedakah to get a watch. But this mentality needs to be fixed.
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LovesHashem




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Aug 05 2020, 4:20 pm
mig100 wrote:


the question of "WHY we buy things for a kallh if shes old enough to get married and have a job ?" is really bothersome to me on a Jewish hashkafic form.


Why? What's anti-torah about that?
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