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My son is so so impulsive, im so stuck!!

 
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amother




OP
 

Post  Mon, Aug 03 2020, 5:56 pm
hi
my son is 6 and is showing all the symptoms of autism spectrum disorder and possibly ADHD.
he is soo so impulsive! I dont know what to do anymore...
he has become really physical towards the baby. not out of anger but just cos he 'cannot' stop himself, and touching and trying out new things. However much we say to him to stop, or he will get punished its like he just 'has' to do something. Even as hes complaining about the punishment, he is already going back to touch the baby.

I know forsure I shouldnt leave the room with him alone with the baby but even just turning my head away for a minute is crazy! yesterday I turned my head for a minute and he really hurt the baby.

today aswel. I cried in bed last night about what he does.

I dont even want to go into what he actually did, I guess im looking for any advice of how I can manage at home with him.
at the moment im not getting much outside help.

I even thought about sending my baby out to make it less stressful. bh my babys v easy but thats not normal!!
im traumatised every time he hurts the baby, my biggest fear is hes gonna do something bad and wel end up being questioned about him.

I need some advice, if there is anyone with a child with similar tendencies or anyone who has any experience dealing with these children.

thank you so much!!
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lilies




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Aug 03 2020, 6:00 pm
Is he upset about the baby?
Do you have the time and energy to be giving him some quality time every day?
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mha3484




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Aug 03 2020, 6:00 pm
I do have a child like this. He is a few years older now he will be 10 in the winter and hes become very enjoyable to be around. But its been a long long journey to get there.

For us it took 1) medication he takes both intuniv for the impulsivity and straterra to focus. 2) parenting. I use the method called collaborative problem solving which is laid out in the book the explosive child. This has been life changing for our whole family. 3) Therapy where he learned strategies to manage his impulses. He still struggles but hes really a good boy who I like to spend time with and his brothers and sister do too.
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amother




OP
 

Post  Mon, Aug 03 2020, 6:04 pm
lilies wrote:
Is he upset about the baby?
Do you have the time and energy to be giving him some quality time every day?


he definitely loves the baby, I assume he is feeling that either the baby gets too much attention or he knows himself hes doing something wrong and he doesnt feel good about it.
we do give him loads of attention, he is super demanding and full time needs taking care of, but spending quality time with him would need to be something physical.
because of his extra needs he does not enjoy to have a cosy chat, or read together etc.

and right now I cant manage to take him out alone. just too difficult at the moment.
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amother




OP
 

Post  Mon, Aug 03 2020, 6:06 pm
mha3484 wrote:
I do have a child like this. He is a few years older now he will be 10 in the winter and hes become very enjoyable to be around. But its been a long long journey to get there.

For us it took 1) medication he takes both intuniv for the impulsivity and straterra to focus. 2) parenting. I use the method called collaborative problem solving which is laid out in the book the explosive child. This has been life changing for our whole family. 3) Therapy where he learned strategies to manage his impulses. He still struggles but hes really a good boy who I like to spend time with and his brothers and sister do too.


thank you. would def def start mediacation. just waiting and waiting to see the specialist....
I feel like now its a struggle just to get through each day. FORSURE id give him anything just to MANAGE!! im not even thinking of the long term right now when my days are so challenging.


its soo hard to see him doing these things.
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mha3484




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Aug 03 2020, 6:12 pm
The book the Explosive Child has you internalize the idea that kids do well when they can. No kid wants to not behave. It feels horrible for them to constantly fail to meet our expectations of them which tends to create a negative self esteem spiral. They are using behavior to communicate with us. When I really started to internalize this concept, I found myself tolerating my son much more and empathizing with him which really improved our relationship.
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amother




OP
 

Post  Mon, Aug 03 2020, 6:16 pm
thanks.
is this book specifically meant for kids with special needs?
as we are not talking about a regular child with behavioural issues here.
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mha3484




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Aug 03 2020, 6:17 pm
Its for kids with all kinds of behavioral difficulties. The author has a website too with tons of information. www.livesinthebalance.org
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amother




OP
 

Post  Mon, Aug 03 2020, 6:21 pm
ok. thanks so much. will def have a look but at the mo really really need some way of managing this on a day to day (hourly!) basis.
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lilies




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Aug 03 2020, 6:26 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
he definitely loves the baby, I assume he is feeling that either the baby gets too much attention or he knows himself hes doing something wrong and he doesnt feel good about it.
we do give him loads of attention, he is super demanding and full time needs taking care of, but spending quality time with him would need to be something physical.
because of his extra needs he does not enjoy to have a cosy chat, or read together etc.

and right now I cant manage to take him out alone. just too difficult at the moment.


How about sand? Sometimes these kids enjoy the sensory feeling, sometimes they hate it.
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behappy2




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Aug 03 2020, 7:51 pm
My son was like this at that age, minus the impulsivity. He did it to get a reaction. Do you know why he is doing this? The book playful parenting helped me have a good time with him, it calmed him down. If you don't have a lot of time then playing short games of tag, hide and seek, and locking them between your legs and them trying to get away are easy ways for the child to get the message that they are wanted and loved.
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amother




Wheat
 

Post  Mon, Aug 03 2020, 8:13 pm
I know I sound like a broken record, but please please have your child evaluated for pans/pandas/hidden allergies/gut issues/mineral imbalances by a pandas literate professional. My child was completely out of control, aggressive, violent, meltdowns, tantrums, couldn’t sit still until we treated for chronic strep, yeast, gut dysbiosis etc. if you want to make changes until you find a specialist, take your child off dairy, gluten, sugar and food dyes, add magnesium and methylated b vitamins supplements. I can almost guarantee you will see improvement.
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amother




Chartreuse
 

Post  Mon, Aug 03 2020, 8:50 pm
Op I have a son like that And I’ve cried myself to sleep on MANY occasions.
It’s extremely hard.

Reading up on the subject helped me understand him a lot.

He’s now a teenager, and while still has his behaviors, it’s much more manageable for both of us. I don’t lose sleep over it anymore bh.

There’s light at the end of the tunnel, but try to do your research and give it lots of patience.
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imasinger




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Aug 03 2020, 8:58 pm
I want to second The Explosive Child as very helpful. Two other books I also really recommend are Transforming the Difficult Child: the Nurtured Heart Approach, and The Behavior Code. Both are meant to apply to children with your DS's diagnosis, as well as some others.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/1612.....A7R2C

https://www.amazon.com/dp/0967.....XRPAC


If you get confirmation of ASD, get a great BCBA on your case. (Insurance is often better than DOE for this.). There's help for you that way as well.

For this moment, understand that your DS isn't hurting the baby out of malice, and doesn't have the ability yet to recognize when he's sliding out of control to the point where someone might get hurt.

You'll have to keep watching. The Behavior Code discusses how you can learn to be the detective, and figure out what's causing this behavior, then plan a change.

Feel free to pm to discuss further!
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amother




Chartreuse
 

Post  Mon, Aug 03 2020, 9:01 pm
Smart but scattered is also a great book
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ANS




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Sep 22 2020, 11:27 am
Any recommendations for therapists to work with my 8-year-old son who tends to be very impulsive, especially at home?
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amother




Cobalt
 

Post  Tue, Sep 22 2020, 12:36 pm
Call your pediatrician, tell her what’s happening, don’t try to play it down, if she knows that your baby is in danger maybe she can speed up the wait at the specialist.
Besides, it’s good to have this on your child’s record.
Can you pay someone to take one of them out every day?
Does he go to school? Can someone keep him there a bit longer?
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TwinsMommy




 
 
 
 

Post  Yesterday at 5:01 pm
both of my autistic twins were like this--- thankfully one is doing SO MUCH better now (they're 13 now) but one is still a total mess.

when they were babies/2/3/4 I had a plan every time I needed to leave the room. if I was moving laundry I could bring one with me. If they were just 2 and I was going to the bathroom I could put them in separate playpens with toys they hadn't seen in a while for a few minutes. When they were babies I could lock them in high chairs... etc etc. In your case it might mean bringing baby with you when you use the bathroom or wearing baby when you move laundry or putting baby in a playpen behind a locked door for 5 minutes when your eyes can't be on your son.

Hopefully he's in school most weekdays and you can get things done then that require your eyes and brain so that when he's home you're ON him?

A sensory diet is key-- making sure he gets enough sensory input each day.

As far as touching the baby--- can you have practice sessions where you sit with him and show him different types of touch? Hugging, gentle caressing, what IS and is NOT allowed?
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