Maternity leave + vacation a few weeks later- is it ethical?

amother

Orange

Wed, Aug 05 2020, 11:20 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

So vacation days are separate from maternity leave?
Yes we'd like to go to Israel for pesach so would need to leave a few days before the school goes on break.

How soon do I have to ask/tell my employer I'll be taking maternity leave? This is a new job btw

Btw just reread your post.. you went away for sukkos and then took off in February for maternity leave. Feel like that gave you enough time at the job to be liked and make a good impression etc. Id be taking maternity leave february and then leaving end of march for a week or two. Its not as if theres a few months of working in between :/

Vacation days are separate, you need to get maternity leave and it's a minimum of 6 weeks. Don't even plan for less. Even 6 is nothing. I actually ended up with 8 bc it went into pesach.

Also, it wasn't my first year at that school. If it was a new job I would wait to ask employer.

amother

Wed, Aug 05 2020, 11:21 am

amother [ Orange ] wrote:

Wow, I cant imagine being home for 6 weeks. Im going crazy now over summer break being bored. Again, shows you how little I know/am prepared to be a mommy lol

amother

Puce

Wed, Aug 05 2020, 11:22 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Thank you for answering.
Does it change your answer is I would only be missing 2 days of work to go on vacation? The school is closed during chol hamoed and I would leave late at night after work so I don't miss too much work.

Also, just because I'm curious, maternity leave is considered like vacation? Its not really by choice that a women needs to take off a week or two to take care of the baby, whereas a vacation is a choice. Again just curious!! Dont have anyone else to ask and this website is great Smile

I feel like I must answer the bolded. Maternity leave is to take care of the baby and yourself as well! A postpartum women is a choleh and needs to recuperate. Rushing back to work may just backfire and make it take longer to recover. No postpartum women takes off "a week or two" after having a baby, that's absurd and probably physically impossible. You need to recuperate before going back to work. Don't rush it. Even 4 weeks is too little.

amother

Puce

Wed, Aug 05 2020, 11:25 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Wow, I cant imagine being home for 6 weeks. Im going crazy now over summer break being bored. Again, shows you how little I know/am prepared to be a mommy lol

Once the baby comes, you definitely won't be bored!! Don't worry about knowing too little, you'll learn on the job ih. Just focus on taking care of the baby and yourself and not on going back to work.

amother

Lilac

Wed, Aug 05 2020, 11:25 am

amother [ Seafoam ] wrote:

I live in Toronto and I will be iyH taking a year maternity leave. (We can take 12-18 months maternity leave. Employers do not expect you back before 1 year.) Reading this thread is making me feel so bad. Op, I think it's ok to take 4 weeks maternity leave and then take of for Pesach. But what do I know really, feels like Im coming from a completely different culture.
I am planning on taking off for sukkos, then my office closes for 2 weeks for "holiday season" in December and then I'm starting my maternity leave in January IyH.

Do you get a year paid maternity leave?
In Israel we have 14 weeks paid, and then I think you can take up to a year on your own dime.

Off topic, sorry op Smile

amother

Wed, Aug 05 2020, 11:26 am

amother [ Puce ] wrote:

When I was in school two of my friends returned a week and a half after their babies. It deff. wasnt easy, but they did it. Is the recovery after a baby really difficult?

amother

Wed, Aug 05 2020, 11:27 am

amother [ Puce ] wrote:

Don't have a choice though because I need to finish my hours Sad

amother

Lilac

Wed, Aug 05 2020, 11:28 am

OP, if this is your first baby, you may not realize that for many women, it takes minimum a month for them to feel like they are getting back to themselves.

Very few superwomen (or women with no choice) can be back at work/studies after a week, and it sometimes backfires.

Of course, if you are only working a few hours a week, that's a different story.

amother

Wed, Aug 05 2020, 11:32 am

amother [ Puce ] wrote:

You and baby come before finishing your hours. 6-8 weeks is standard maternity leave. No one can force you to go back before.

OK you're right.
I guess I started this thread because I wanted to see if its ethical to miss 2 days after my maternity leave to go away. I wonder if I will even be able to fly pesach time.

Again..... assuming life returns to normal but who knows!!

amother

Puce

Wed, Aug 05 2020, 11:41 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

When I was in school two of my friends returned a week and a half after their babies. It deff. wasnt easy, but they did it. Is the recovery after a baby really difficult?

This is not normal or ok. You need to recuperate after a birth, not run to school or work. Your body has to heal and if you go back to work too soon, it will take longer for you to get back to yourself.

amother

Seafoam

Wed, Aug 05 2020, 12:25 pm

amother [ Lilac ] wrote:

Do you get a year paid maternity leave?
In Israel we have 14 weeks paid, and then I think you can take up to a year on your own dime.

Off topic, sorry op Smile

Yes I getting paid. Paid maternity leave is 65% of my salary. Then optional additional unpaid 6 months. But employer must hold your job. We can also split the time with our spouse. There is paternity leave as well.

amother

Orange

Wed, Aug 05 2020, 1:13 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Wow, I cant imagine being home for 6 weeks. Im going crazy now over summer break being bored. Again, shows you how little I know/am prepared to be a mommy lol

You have no idea what kind of birth you will have. You might end up with emergency c section gd forbid. Or episiotomy which is fairly common for first birth. You might have pain or trouble nursing or pumping. The first 2 weeks you will be in bed the entire day. Trust me.

First baby I had an episiotomy and I had a sibling wedding at 15 days old. I remember at 13 days old thinking there is no way I can attend, and at 15 days I felt better already. Every day makes a difference in recovery.

Second baby I had no choice and was up and about, I mean cooking supper at 7 days old and going to the playground with toddler and 2wk old baby. I got PPD and I'm still deeply resentful about that entire period.

Dont underestimate the time needed to heal your own body and the amount of hours it takes just to feed a newborn all day.

You're not vacationing for 6 weeks, you're literally feeding, diapering, and when you have time for yourself, eating and sleeping 24/7. The first weeks just going to the bathroom can take you 20 minutes.

Not to scare you, but to give you a realistic idea. also, you said you like to plan. I had grand plans of being in teach with my sub after birth and was even writing lesson plans during labor. The minute I came home from the hospital, I forgot about it all. It just becomes unimportant.

amother

Seagreen

Wed, Aug 05 2020, 1:35 pm

amother [ Puce ] wrote:

It may not be ok, but it's pretty normal, at least for being in school. Hours of internships and the like can be made up later, but class goes on, and missing a month of it can set you back a whole semester and sometimes a year. Without our current remote options, most people go back to class pretty early. When I was in grad school, I delayed my internship but was back in class after a week. The commuting was hard but in class you sit. I pumped during breaks.

amother

Wed, Aug 05 2020, 1:56 pm

princessleah wrote:

OP, who is your employer, the school or your program? Are you getting paid or this a clinical placement/externship?
When are you due?

The agency is my employer. They place therapists in yeshivas/diff. schools. I am getting paid and iyh due January time

amother

Purple

Wed, Aug 05 2020, 2:10 pm

First, yup, the U.S. is waaayyy behind the rest of the world. You can take 12 weeks without losing your job, but it isn't paid. I got zero paid leave, while dh for paid paternity leave. Urgh.

Anyway, OP. I know it's hard at your stage. I was like your friends. I had my oldest while in therapy school (not the same therapy as you). I had a c section, but I was missing so much class! I went back at 3 weeks.

Ouw, ouw, ouch!!! Big mistake.

Sure, make a plan A (side note: take Hypnobirthing and don't take an epidural- your chances of a smooth birth and easier recovery are much higher - my subsequent deliveries were better!), but leave your options open so you can see how you feel.

Is your supervisor understanding? Can you talk it over with her as? Present it as you are asking for her wise advice.

Bruria

Wed, Aug 05 2020, 2:17 pm

Paid family leave in NY is 10 weeks. You can also take a few weeks of disability, 6 weeks for regular birth and 8 weeks if it's a c section. FMLA is 12 weeks.
Assuming you won't need a c section, that leaves you with 6 weeks of disability, plus 10 weeks of Paid Family Leave , plus 2 remaining weeks of FMLA (FMLA and Paid Family leave overlap, but disability doesn't). So that's 18 weeks(2021 they are adding 2 more weeks of Paid Family leave).
I think FMLA can be broken down, check. So you could use those 2 remaining weeks for your vacation.

dancingqueen

Wed, Aug 05 2020, 2:22 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

The agency is my employer. They place therapists in yeshivas/diff. schools. I am getting paid and iyh due January time

Your agency probably has a policy on vacation days, or your school that you are doing the hours for? I would say take the maternity leave you need within reason, but save the Israel trip for the summer, if you have summers off.

Last edited by dancingqueen on Wed, Aug 05 2020, 2:33 pm; edited 1 time in total