Candle ligthing unmarried girls everywhere?

happy chick

Sun, Aug 09 2020, 12:52 pm

Lubavitch minhag is that from age 3 (or younger, as soon as they can say a bracha) girls light a candle . If there is no one else in the household lighting candles, 2 must be lit for shamor v'zochor. The girls lighting is for chinuch purposes only and does not fulfill any obligation. That's why, single girls who light at home, should light before their mother. Because the mother is lighting one for the girl and already said the bracha for the girl, if the girl says the bracha after the mother, it's a question of bracha l'vatala.
The Rebbe instituted this many years ago, but possibly others do it as well.
Chickensoupprof, iyh you should be blessed with daughters and sons and you should be zoche to raise them l'torah l'chuppa umaasim tovim in good health and happiness.

Cmon be nice

Sun, Aug 09 2020, 1:00 pm

The only reason candles are lit is to have light at home so nobody trips in the dark. Therefore once the mother lights there's no reason for anybody to light. Which is why technically even two married women shouldn't light in the same room.
Im guessing the Chabad minhag of girls lighting is for chinuch?? Definitely not halacha

amother

Crimson

Sun, Aug 09 2020, 1:50 pm

the only reason I know not to do this is that once you start lighting you aren't supposed to stop.
so suppose your daughter starts at age 3, and when she hits 14 or 15 or whatever she's always rushing late with her hair and clothes etc or often goes away to friends for shabbos, she may find it difficult to have an additional obligation

Thisisnotmyreal

Sun, Aug 09 2020, 2:00 pm

amother [ Crimson ] wrote:

Oy! Life only gets more hectic...

amother

Mustard

Sun, Aug 09 2020, 2:04 pm

amother [ Crimson ] wrote:

I think it's good for a teen girl to have a reminder that there are more important aspects to shabbos than what she wears or how her hair looks. My 4 year old love lighting candles. So much so that my 3 year old son insists on getting in on the action too!

amother

Seafoam

Sun, Aug 09 2020, 2:19 pm

WhatFor wrote:

It's not so simple. Many girls go to sem where they're in a time zone hours ahead of their parents. It's been a while but I believe we were told that you can't be in Israel and count on your mother in the US lighting for you 7 hours after your Shabbat began. Many girls light for themselves then, even if they didn't grow up doing it, or they specifically arrange for someone else to do it that week. I think even if someone is litvish, if you're living on your own, at a certain point it would be very weird not to light.

Yes.
But I don't think the minhag of young girls lighting 2 candles at home from the age of 3 is that widespread.

If someone is on their own for Shabbos, yes, they need to. Married or not. Male or female. That is a matter of halacha.

Ema of 5

Sun, Aug 09 2020, 2:20 pm

Chickensoupprof wrote:

I got frum within chabad so I always lit one candle for shabbos and now I light 2 candles since last 26 av..
Anyhoo... I never knew until I met jews who weren't chabad that only married women light candles. I always lit candles by myself because no one lit for me (my mother never does) it felt always strange for me.
I always say even this is not the minhag in the litvish/yeshivsih family of my DH I want my daughters to light candles on shabbos. I mean boys have when they are 3 tzitzit and a kippah and when they are 13 teffelin all lots of things to be connected with Hashem but a Jewish daughter needs to wait for being married to fully participate in the rituals? I find that so unfair. I kinda want to do as chabad that also my daughter (who I don't have I also don;t have a son) can light a candle for shabbos. Don't know ppl will look weird in the yeshivish community but I also want to have my daughter a special ritual like a phsycally ritual. Am I the only one who feels this way?

We are not chabad, but my girls both light a candle when we are home for shabbat. They don’t light when we go away. I think it’s a beautiful thing.
As an aside, candle lighting is generally for married women, but girls/women who are single and not living at home tend to light as well. Some light one and some light two.

chanchy123

Sun, Aug 09 2020, 2:30 pm

Chickensoupprof wrote:

OP, to anyone who is not Chabbad it is normal to wait for marriage to light candles. It’s part of becoming a married woman and starting your own family. The mitzvah of lighting Shabbat candles is for Shalom Bayit - its essence is really appropriate for marriage.
Of course, According to Halacha every home most have Shabbat candies so singles (men and women) must light at their own homes if they live alone, singles/men travelling alone for Shabbat (not being hosted at a home with a wife who lights). Students in a dorm etc.
That being said, I many families who have adopted the Chabbad minhag of lighting candles at three or Bat mitzvah (my sister’s daughters light and we are far far from Chabbad).

chanchy123

Sun, Aug 09 2020, 2:36 pm

LovesHashem wrote:

Why doesn't every boy in the family make kiddush? Or Hamotzeih?
Everyone is Yotzeh with one.

When I was single and went away for shabbos with friends, one girl lit, one girl did kiddush, one girl did hamoitzei. Not all of us. We all needed to be yotzei by someone. And it just needed to be one person.

My brothers make kiddush with my father. My grandfather goes next. Many of my uncles are makpid to make their own kiddush when invited out. I was always taught to offer our make guests the option of making their own kiddush. They raise their cup and recite quietly along with him, since Bar mitzvah, I’ve seen other families do the same.
Similarly, in my family every man over Bar Mitzvah gets a Seder plate and 3 matzah.

Window

Sun, Aug 09 2020, 2:51 pm

I’m actually, pretty sure that Halacha is for girls to light from age 3. Didn’t the Imahos light from age 3? I could be wrong, I’ll look up the source soon, but when the Rebbe started the candle lighting campaign, the whole reasoning behind it is that it’s Halacha. Unfortunately, a lot of Halacha got lost in the holocaust and also with Jews coming to America and giving up most of their yiddishkeit.
Actually, someone quoted a source above. Isn’t that enough reason to light from age 3?

Thisisnotmyreal

Sun, Aug 09 2020, 3:03 pm

Thisisnotmyreal wrote:

Aruch Hashulchan 263:7

ובנות ישראל נוהגות לברך כל אחת בעצמה אף כשהן אצל אמן, אף שהבעל אינו מברך וסומך על ברכת אשתו, כמ"ש בסעיף ה', משום דהחיוב הוא רק על המשפחה כמ"ש שם, מכל מקום הבנות מפני שהן נצטוות יותר כמו שנתבאר - מברכת כל אחת ואחת, וטוב שכל אחת תברך בחדר בפני עצמה. מיהו על כל פנים - לא יברכו שתים במנורה אחת כמ"ש.

I'm going to translate this:

Bnos Yisroel (Jewish girls) are accustomed to bentch (licht) each one on their own even when right next to their mother's. Even when the husband doesn't light and is relying on his wife to bentch. Even though the actual obligation is only per household as explained earlier (seif hey), nonetheless girls light because the commandment applies to them as previously explained, they each make a Bracha. It's best that each bentch in a separate room but in any case they for sure not make a bracha on the same candle.

Now in English:
Girls should bentch licht, the mitzvah is extremely applicable to them. It's ok if they light if their mother's light also and each girl should have her own candle and make her own Bracha. ( Aruch Hashulchan, a sefer on Halacha, on girls bentchen licht.)

amother

Sienna

Sun, Aug 09 2020, 3:13 pm

qwertyqwerty wrote:

Absolutely not Halacha!!
Chabad tries to teach about Torah and mitzvos and this is how they train girls to light candles when they grow up.