Would u switch your big child ?

amother

Wed, Aug 12 2020, 10:46 pm

Me and dh recently weren't happy the way our children's school ran . We felt it doesnt serve us what we wanted for our dc . It just has not worked out . We decided to switch them into a different school that would provide for dc more and we would feel we pay for something worth it , while the other place my kids were in were expensive too but we didnt gain much . Now Dc has another 3 years left . Dc is extremely excited to change . We feel even in the 3 years left dc can gain tremendously . In the other hand I'm so so worried hoping I'm doing the right thing . My dc is prepared and is very much looking forward. My concern is that it's a bit more to the left. Dc is confident while I'm not since im just worried he should fit in, find his place ... I know it's only my issue not dc . But im just asking in general. Is it right to switch a big child? Dc is happy but was happy before too , until dc saw that we parents weren't so happy so dc picked it up and decided to agree with the change.
Am I being mean for doing the switch ? Dc has a young sibling that is gna be together. I'm not so worried for the other dc since child still very young , Whereas I'm way more worried for my older dc. So far I haven't reached our ruv yet but it will iyh be discussed with a rabbi and of course we will take a brucha that all goes well.

amother

Wed, Aug 12 2020, 10:56 pm

Ema of 4 wrote:

My daughter is going into 6th grade, and I’m changing her school this year. We are looking at it very positively.

Here is the thing . Depending also how extreme the change is . I'm switching mines where dc knows no one . And the crowd is as I said a little different then dc old school . The school environment is completely different then where dc is coming from .

U might switch your daughter to a different school yet and still same type where she was , while for mines everything will be different.

Ema of 5

Wed, Aug 12 2020, 10:59 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

For all intents and purposes, I’m pulling my child out and homeschooling her. That’s not exactly what I’m doing, but close. Everything will be different. What she is learning will be different. How she is learning will be different. The environment in which she is learning will be different. The girls with whom she is learning will be different.

amother

Mint

Thu, Aug 13 2020, 2:03 am

If your child was happy where he was, yes I think you are doing him a disservice- first by letting him know that YOU were unhappy, and second by taking him from his friends and what is familiar to him. Don’t underestimate being the “new kid”- had you said that it was your child who was unhappy, different story. A change could mean a world of a difference in that case. Really it comes down to the reason that you are switching- and how valid that reason is. “Not getting your money’s worth” is not a valid reason for messing with your child’s social and emotional health (as both are potentially affected with a school switch).

I recently got a job in one of my daughter’s schools that comes with a huge tuition break. I wouldn’t dream of switching my other daughter into this school as she is happy where she is- even though it would save me over 10k to do so. So again, without knowing more than that you and DH didn’t feel you were getting your money’s worth, it’s hard to say. But if that’s the only reason, I’m sorry for your child.

amother

Thu, Aug 13 2020, 5:15 am

amother [ Mint ] wrote:

Your taking a different picture into your head . It was quite a few reasonable reasons why we needed to pull dc out . That said dc is very happy to change and we did not pull him out suddenly or forcefully. Dc is very happy. We needed to do this change.

Their will be times when kids need to experience change too, and that is ok . Depending how the change is done... and I think it's very ok. I understand that it can be a challenge but that shall also pass . Its heared of.

If u ever had a bad experience with switching one of your kids and it had a bad ending I appreciate u share , just to come up with your assumptions then that is not appreciated!

amother

Mint

Thu, Aug 13 2020, 5:24 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I was going on the tiny amount of information that you shared. I didn’t say your child isnt happy about the switch- school hasn’t started yet, you have no idea how that will play out. You said that he decided to be happy about it because he knew that would make you happy. And that he turned unhappy with the school because he knew you were unhappy... that is a red flag to me. Taking a child away from where he is happy is not the safest thing to do emotionally- because you are taking a big risk in assuming that he will easily make friends in the new place. There were no assumptions here, just going on the small amount of info you provided and stating my opinion. You also didn’t say if it’s a boy or girl- that could make a huge difference.

I think you are looking for an answer that you have already decided on and you don’t really want opinions on how badly this could go for your child

amother

Mint

Thu, Aug 13 2020, 5:27 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

And this- what a huge upheaval for your child- there is no way he/she understands what he/she will be walking into in the fall. An environment so different from what they are coming from could also spell disaster. The few things you listed as reasons for switching don’t add up. If there were other more valid reasons I would understand bettwr

Ema of 5

Thu, Aug 13 2020, 5:35 am

amother [ Mint ] wrote:

You are absolutely right, I just want to point out that no one understands what they will be walking it on this year. It is nothing that anyone has ever experienced. So, at least for this year, we are all in that “environment so different” boat together.

amother

Thu, Aug 13 2020, 5:47 am

Well, for my privacy and I dont want people figuring out who I am ,I cant give out all information .

I can just say that we had very bad experiences, and we had to do it. It's not that we involved dc that were not happy.dc saw what went on and got fed up too and asked for the change . We figured if dc is already asking then we can go further with the change . I'm not saying that it's easy on me . I'm more of a worrier type. Sometimes we just need to do certain things even it's hard. If it was dc complaining or disagreeing, I would never think twice and we would have to push trhough the struggle. But if things can be worked out better, even the beginning is hard why not go forward.
I definitely came to ask from people that has experienced with their kids changes and what was the results for curiosity. So if u never switched any of your kids and have no experience in how things can turn out I dont mean u.

amother

Mint

Thu, Aug 13 2020, 5:51 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

This is a very different picture than the one you painted in your original post. You asked for opinions and the info that you provided did not say that you had to make the switch for reasons other than that you wanted what you were paying for, and did NOT say that your child had requested it for reasons other than thry they saw that you weren’t happy with the school (children should never be able to see that part of our satisfaction with a school)

I have actually switched a boy and a girl in the late elem years with varying success. My comments are from experience, and you are now the one making Assumptions .

Ema of 5

Thu, Aug 13 2020, 6:28 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Oh I forgot, we also switched my son when he was going into 4th grade. The school he was in was not working for him, and we did what needed to be done.

keym

Thu, Aug 13 2020, 6:52 am

OP, I switched in middle elementary. My family moved in the middle of 5th grade.
I had a much harder shift than my younger sister.
These were the rough areas so you can be prepared.

1) logistics. The teacher gave my sister a tour of the building because she was only in 1st grade. No one did that for me and I was too shy to ask. It was really uncomfortable not knowing where the bathrooms are, and such.
Together with that was schedule. It would have been helpful to know what to expect from the new school- how lineup and dismissal works, how lunch works, etc. Little things are different school by school.

2) trends. It would have been nice knowing what people in the new school and new city cared about. I drove my mother crazy to buy me a Lisa Frank pencil case (I'm dating myself) and no one in the new class even cared.

3) continuity. I had gaps in subjects that were taught over several years. Tefilla, dikduk, yedios klallios. That kind of stuff. Be prepared to need to ask for help. The school won't volunteer to.

In general I felt like the "new girl" for many years. Even when others forgot. Talking about old teachers, trips, other kids who used to be in the class.

amother

Thu, Aug 13 2020, 7:46 am

keym wrote:

Wow I hear , and I'm sorry u had to go trhough this .

In terms of new place . We prepared Dc. Very very well. Dc has met already many kids, has met principal, everything was showed and told very briefly. Dc is looking forward and we all really got a positive reaction.
(Dc is sure.not even q question ) going to be in good hands, warm accepting environment.

It's just that I'm still dc mom and still hope like all humans and yiddish mamas for the best.

SixOfWands

Thu, Aug 13 2020, 7:59 am

Its always nerve racking to make a change. But in this case, there were issues with the old school that DS was aware of and had problems with, and DS is looking forward to the new school.

It will be more difficult this year. Social distancing, pods, mixed learning or whatever will make integrating more challenging. OTOH, it will also force him into a group who is stuck together, so is likely to bond.

You mention that the school is to the left of you. Just remind your kids not to make a big deal out of it. If they don't, its unlikely anyone else will.

Hatzlacha.