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Forum
-> Parenting our children
-> School age children
amother
OP
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Thu, Aug 13 2020, 12:27 pm
How can I resolve or fix a ruined relationship with a young child?
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amother
Sapphire
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Thu, Aug 13 2020, 12:43 pm
Find a therapist for yourself who is certified in and can guide you in using The Nurtured Heart approach. Withhold all negativity and notice only the good.
Can you elaborate more on the ruined relationship?
Signed,
Another mother who's been there and Bh things are getting much much better.
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FranticFrummie
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Thu, Aug 13 2020, 2:40 pm
You can't undo the past, but you can always learn the skills to move forward in a healthy and positive way.
First of all, ask your child for forgiveness, and tell him exactly in what way you were wrong. Modeling teshuvah is an extremely valuable life lesson. I think more parents should be willing to admit when they make a mistake, and be humble enough to show that everyone messes up now and then. Teach your child how to repair the breach by showing him with your own example.
Some people say that being vulnerable like that will make your kids respect you less. I disagree whole heartedly. I think that not only will they respect you more, but they will trust you more as well. If your child makes a serious mistake, you want him to feel like he can come to you and be honest, without major fear.
I would thank Hashem for giving your this opportunity for chinuch. Everything is for the good, so take advantage of it!
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amother
Peach
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Thu, Aug 13 2020, 9:14 pm
Although we probably have different situations, I've also felt this way. I dont have any expert advise but in my situation I found it good to remember that kids want to do good, and please us so if they are not, then there is something in their way making it difficult for them (disability, not being able to communicate, fear, misunderstaning, their sick, dont know how to, etc. this helped me and one of my relative reframe how we looked at my dd behavior and how to help her and have good thought, speach and actions instead of punish, and have negative thoughts, speach , and actions. may not apply to you, but I see many people overlook this and get frustrated with a child instead of compation.
besides that I think it would be helpful to listen (very carefully to what shes really saying), be present and attentative( not just active attention, even just take more notice and observing) and and use always gentle voices ( I used to yell so I started wispering to change that middah.). strive to make her happy ( not spoiled but just like a man would court a girl, do cute things for her or make her favorite dinner more.
of course every effort should be done willingly,with happiness, and a smile.
Daven for the help you need. I think there is hope. kids are like sales managers, their memories are primarily or their most recent deals. So I think there is def hope as long as you give effort and have the right resources. Hatzlacha
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behappy2
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Thu, Aug 13 2020, 9:23 pm
Start changing the dance. It's never too late.
Do you want to elaborate so we can help more?
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amother
OP
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Fri, Aug 14 2020, 12:28 am
I appreciate so much your positive responses, I will definitely take it in.
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boysrock
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Fri, Aug 14 2020, 12:46 am
You sound amazing! You want to improve and that is unbelievable
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