How do you choose the right place to move

amother

Thu, Aug 13 2020, 12:40 pm

I apologize as this post is very similar to my last post, but we still can't seem to figure things out. We have been trying to move for the past 3 years now. We bought a house in another state 2 years ago, moved into it, I had such a hard time adjusting, we moved back. We have been back here for 2 years. Through some therapy and trying to do work on myself, I have come to the really difficult realization that we really do need to move. We are possibly thinking that instead of moving out of state if that is too drastic for me, we are now considering some place a little more local (a suburb 25 minutes away, West Hempstead in particular). My daughter would be able to continue in her current school, which we love, which means she would be able to keep her current friends. However, I know how much my husband wants to move out of state. We have been holding on to the house we bought this entire time. Part of me wants to just move on and sell the house. Another part of me wants to just rip off the band-aid, move into the house we already have and not look back. But then I feel like if we were going to move there, we would have done it already. It basically boils down to emotions vs. fact. On an emotional level, I want to really try and make that house work. But on an intellectual level, like I said, if it were to work out, it would have. I am really torn.
It's been a really rough 2 years for my family and I just want us to finally feel settled somewhere.
How have you chosen where to live? Was your choice based on practicality and facts or were you emotionally drawn to the place you moved to?

amother

Thu, Aug 13 2020, 1:26 pm

amother [ Silver ] wrote:

how long did you try out the house that you bought before moving back?

what was hard for you about it? would it be any easier now after therapy?

do you know why your husband wants to move out of town? Would he be happy in West Hempstead?

So we moved into the house for about 5 weeks ( I know, I didn't give it time). I was miserable and didn't want to continue being there at the time. We have gone back and forth for weekends and yomim tovim, with hopes to get used to the house and the neighborhood. The people there are mostly really nice. We have made very good friends there over the past 2 years. I would hope that if we moved elsewhere, we would have just as easy a time making friends.
I think what made it hard was that it's a very different lifestyle than what I'm used to. There's nothing in walking distance besides for friends and parks. You basically have to drive everywhere to get anything. Everything is within a 10 minute drive so not too bad, but there is nothing walkable. I guess that wouldn't bother me too much now, but at the time I was a new driver and the idea of driving, even for 5 minutes to get milk, was foreign to me. But I doubt that would bother me now, considering I drive everywhere now. I think the biggest issue was switching my daughter's school. We love her current school and she has thrived there. The idea of switching her to a new school is terrifying for me, tbh.
My husband has wanted to move for years. We have been married for 14 years living in a community that we should have left a long time ago. We live in a more right wing community which doesn't fit us at all anymore. My husband saw this years ago. I'm only seeing it now. We have also lived next to his family for the past 14 years, which I must say, has not been great for our marriage. We need our independence from his family in a more open and accepting community, which this is not. My in-laws meddle in everything, from giving unwanted advice to telling us how to dress our daughter (who's almost 11). We need out of here ASAP. I just want to make sure we are choosing the right place, whether it's going with the place we chose 2 years ago or starting completely over in a new place.

amother

Silver

Thu, Aug 13 2020, 1:50 pm

I grew up in the city. walking everywhere. had no car. I completely get you about the driving. If you have overcome that hurdle and everything is within 10 minutes I really think you should go for it.

I know you like your daughter's school but how is the school where your house is? Is there anything unusual about the school where she is now? She might be happy there as well.

I've switched my kids school and completely agonized over it but I'm happy I did it. kids switch schools. I suggest you have her get to know the kids that will be in her class. Realize there might be a acclimation period. It was awful when we first moved where we live now but now my dd is soooo happy here. Personally I'm also not keen on kids commuting but I realize that others disagree.