S/O children abused in childcare.Tips to lessen that chance?

#BestBubby

Sun, Aug 16 2020, 12:55 pm

amother [ Purple ] wrote:

Some people have to work to put bread on their table. And not all have that sort of network available. Can we be kinder to mothers who obviously are already very nervous and be supportive while giving tips. Let's not guilt people for doing the best they can.

Good point.

If you have no option, get lots of references, drop in, listen in before and after you
bring your baby, does your baby seem happy and healthy, any signs of neglect (failure to gain weight, frequent diaper rash), low teacher:parent ratio.

amother

Purple

Sun, Aug 16 2020, 2:45 pm

amother [ Gray ] wrote:

I think very few families must have both parents working to literally put bread on the table.
If you are willing to drop your standards and make sacrifices then you can afford to have one spouse working from home or not working at all.
Even if you no support network at all.
Obviously everyone has a right to live the lifestyle they want, but let's admit that this is more an issue of priorities and lifestyle than it is of putting food on the table.
Obv. I'm not referring to families where the medical bills are so high that they have no choice...

Not true. Both my husband and I are working in chinuch and we have very very low standards of living. But we have a number of children and to cover basic costs we both need to work. And I know many people like us.
So unless you argue that we should go into a diff profession or that we shouldn't have any more kids, there really is no other way.
Bh bh with much research, intuition etc I always have managed to find childcare I was happy with that didn't break the bank.
But it's hard work and a challenge every time.
It upsets me when people get on their high horses and say nasty things about leaving babies with a babysitter or about persuing a higher standard of living at the cost of properly looking after your babies.
Because many people's realities ain't so.

amother

Black

Sun, Aug 16 2020, 4:08 pm

same here as previous poster.
both dh and I are in chinuch too.
and even though we are paying the minimum tuition for each kid to their schools and post high school institutions and live very basically, we are still struggling. If I wasnt earning (I earn about $25k/year), we would NOT be able to put food on the table, we would be taking tzedakah. My earnings are vital. Unfortunately. I DREAM of being a SAHM...... oh well....

So basically, it is not necessarily accurate in my case. We do both need to work to put bread on the table.

amother

Jade

Sun, Aug 16 2020, 5:28 pm

FranticFrummie wrote:

I just posted this on the "newborn" thread, but I'll put it here, too:

Babysitter (teenager) or nanny (responsible adult) = one person per family.

10 babies all together = illegal, unlicensed day care.

Do you really want to take the risk?

Please hire a nanny who can take care of the baby in your home. If nothing else, your child won't be at risk for catching germs from all the other children. A nanny can do light house keeping and organizing while the baby is sleeping.

If your salary won't cover a person who you trust, who will treasure your child like their own, and is loyal to your family - then you really need to rethink whether it's worth it to go back to work.

BTW, my daughter's pediatrician said that no one should ever put a baby in a group setting until after they are 3 months old, and have had their first full set of immunizations. If you are anti-vax, then I guess that advice doesn't apply.

A frum family today can’t live on 1 salary unless one parent has a thriving business. We need my salary in order to pay rent, and if I hired a nanny instead of a group babysitter, I couldn’t pay rent. I think it’s healthier for my baby to have a bed to sleep in even if she needs to be taken care of by someone else and wait a few minutes to have a wet diaper changed sometimes. .
BH I’ve been fortunate to find great small groups for my kids that I’m confident with and they love.

amother

Gray

Sun, Aug 16 2020, 10:21 pm

amother [ Purple ] wrote:

What would happen if you moved to a less expensive area? Or if one of you wasn't working in chinuch?
There are always choices. And you have the right to make the choices you want. But that doesn't make them any less choices. For you, living where you do and working in chinuch are top priorities, so you find childcare. A family prioritizing not using childcare would make different choices.

amother [ Black ] wrote:

You are in chinuch, and you are paying an arm and a leg in tuition. Wouldn't it be cheaper to just homeschool until and including high school? There are also communities where vouchers are available, and that makes tuition more affordable.
There will always be a trade-off...each couple decides how they want to raise their children.

I really have no issue what your choices, truly.

But I do have an issue with people saying they have NO choice, when in fact they are living in line with the choices they wanted to make. Smile

There are tons of issues that I "don't have a choice" on because what's offered in my area is limited, but it was a choice to move here in the first place....I still have the choice to travel (difficult and expensive), or to move (difficult and expensive) or to suck it up, or to lobby for change, or to not use the services offered and just go without...the choices I have today are because of the choices we made several years ago. If I want to change the offering then I can do that, by making different choices. To say that I have no choice would be a lie, and also a victim mindset.

amother

Mustard

Sun, Aug 16 2020, 10:48 pm

amother [ Silver ] wrote:

For this reason we felt most comfortable sending to a licensed daycare center. They have drop in checks by the state and it just felt more accountable. We also found one with cameras that made us feel better, but of course things can happen off camera. The main thing is that there is accountability.

Government check ins mean nothing. I'm amother Ruby from the other thread. We had goverment check ins. We knew in as advance and everyone was on their best behavior. If you don't have access to the cameras then there is no accountability

amother

Mustard

Sun, Aug 16 2020, 10:54 pm

behappy2 wrote:

Generally you can tell on the babysitter if they are warm, loving, attentive. Red flags are: too many babies, not taking your concerns seriously, messy house and dirt and small objects on floor. You can ask what they will do if the child is crying. I had a few bad experiences but thry didnt last bec I took my baby out right away. I found that a small playgroup from age 1 and a half, 2 is better than a babysitter bec they spend more time with them, play with them. Keep your eyes wide open and follow your intuition.

There's plenty of peoole who put on a great show. Don't be fooled that there's always visible red flags. Most neglectful or mean people are aware they are doing things wrong and put up a front. They have everything clean and nice and are ready to hold and hug your baby. Until you leave and then he's ignored and neglected and eve. Yelled at