How do I get my 1 year old to fall asleep in a crib?

amother

Tue, Aug 18 2020, 12:09 am

Since he was born I have had him fall asleep while nursing and place him in his crib and then he comes into my bed by the next feeding if I’m too tired and can’t get him to stay sleeping.
I tried the Ferber method with controlled crying as with my other children and he just sits in his crib tired refusing to lay down after an hour and a half he got tired and then I helped him lay down and calmed him to sleep. He still wakes in the middle of the night and I refuse to let him cry again for so long so I gave up after a half hour and brought him into my bed
Anyone had success or any tips when they just won’t lay down and continuously cry? He already hates the whole bedtime routine and I’m sure his crib too. What can I do?
Also I strongly believe in the Ferber method it’s worked for my others please don’t make me feel bad about it I already had to get over that feeling

amother

Goldenrod

Tue, Aug 18 2020, 5:17 am

There’s two parts here, falling asleep and staying asleep, and they’re related. I’m sure you know a 1 year old doesn’t have to eat at night.
Your goal is to teach him to self soothe back to sleep. Try not letting him 100% fall asleep on you, or wake him a tiny bit so he’s still drowsy when you put him in the crib. You’re going to need to still nurse to calm him down, but don’t let it be how he falls asleep for the night.

avrahamama

Tue, Aug 18 2020, 8:02 am

Rachel Shira wrote:

If you’re calming him to go to sleep, he’s not going to sleep independently and will expect that soothing in the middle of the night too. As hard as it is, he needs to be falling asleep completely on his own without you in the room. Any bottle or nursing should end half an hour before bed, and the bedtime routine shouldn’t be too calming or drawn out - he should go into the crib wide awake.

So what about the crying?

FranticFrummie

Tue, Aug 18 2020, 8:07 am

Is he eating solids, or still exclusively nursing? If he's eating solids, he should have his heaviest meal right before bedtime. Starches like mashed potatoes, oatmeal, or pasta are a good sleep aid, because they take a long time to digest and will keep him full all night.

Your child may not be like your other children, so just because one method worked for all the others, doesn't mean it will work for him. He may need a week or two of "pat and shush", walk out, rinse,repeat. You'll be exhausted until he gets into his new routine, but it does work. Combined with a full meal, I think it's worth a try.

Remember that each growth spurt can bring a whole new sleep pattern, so if 3 months from now things change again, it's not anyone's fault. Some kids just have odd pattern shifts as they develop.

ETA: NO BOTTLES IN THE BED! It's a far worse habit than a pacifier. Even a bottle with water will make toilet training much harder for you down the road. You'll curse the day you ever started.

sky

Tue, Aug 18 2020, 8:11 am

DO you still nurse?
For me I find it very hard to get nursing babies to sleep through the night - just my experience - no matter how much they eat.
One thing I found that helped was getting them to go to sleep with a comfort other then nursing. So like a blanket and cup. The same one every night. This way these items comfort them as they go to sleep and they turn to these items for comfort at night.

I agree it’s super hard and takes time and patience. I don’t think there is any quick answer.

renslet

Tue, Aug 18 2020, 8:42 am

I just started with my 16 month old. I stopped all bottles in the middle of the night (she was drinking 2/3 each night. I put her in bed and stay in the room. She talks and giggles, sometimes cries and I just pat her and tell her that I'm here, sometimes I put on music very soft and calming.
She eventually falls asleep.
At the beginning she woke in the middle of the night and I would pat her, rub her back etc.
I give a bottle at 6/6:30 and then she sleeps till 9/9:30.
Only problem I have now is that if her diaper leaks, she wakes up wet and I have to change her. I haven't figured out how to keep her dry a whole night

FranticFrummie

Tue, Aug 18 2020, 8:42 am

Rachel Shira wrote:

Crying as they learn to fall asleep? Tears are really inevitable with any change. There are many methods to teaching independent sleep and whatever you’re comfortable with is fine, but usually the faster/less gradually you do it, the fewer tears there are overall.

I hope I'm not nit-picking, but this part bothers me. Babies usually "cry dry" if they are just overtired or hungry. Real, wet tears happen when a baby is truly distressed.

If you are seeing real tears, check the diaper, burp the baby, rub his back, and see if he can be soothed. Do as much trouble shooting as you can before you put him back down. If he's still crying, check again.

Once I found a very thin, nearly invisible hair wrapped around one of the baby's toes, and it was causing a lot of pain. Once I got the hair off, the baby went right down to sleep.

Please do not ignore wet tears!

Frumme

Tue, Aug 18 2020, 9:19 am

Like others have mentioned, falling asleep and staying asleep are two different skills.

Let's address the falling asleep. What helped me first of all was completely cutting nursing from the bedtime routine unless baby REALLY demanded it. Otherwise the bedtime routine was bath (on bath days), two books, shema, two songs, and hugs. That way there's no way they can nurse to sleep, because it's not an option anymore.

Secondly, I know you said you strongly believe in the Ferber method. This is fine and I'm glad it has worked for your other children! That being said, even if you strongly believe in the methodology, 1) you have to teach each child in a way that they will be receptive and 2) Ferber himself says his method does not work on every baby. If you reread his book he says that if by day 4, baby is still crying profusely or even potentially getting worse than how they had been beforehand, stop! By mid-week of Ferber you're supposed to see at least some sort of improvement or advancement. If you don't, something is not working. Either 1) try again later or 2) try another method. My first was NOT receptive at all to Ferber and it actually made her sleep worse. We ended up doing the consistent timing method, similar to Ferber but not quite the same (summary here https://sleepingchildsaneparen.....hecks ) and that worked for us. We started at 10 minutes and didn't increase the interval every day (maybe once a week), but baby didn't need more than a few days to adjust. She was much more comfortable with the fact we were coming in at regular intervals vs "random" (to her) intervals.

Addressing staying asleep: It's ok if they wake up once (or even twice depending on age) during the night as long as they either soothe themselves back or are easily soothed by you. You can transition from night nursing to replacing your milk with a water bottle. When they wake up, offer the bottle first (with cuddles). Don't push them to take it, just offer. If they still want to nurse, let them nurse (it won't help to get them riled up when you're trying to get them to fall back asleep). It is slow but generally starts to work. Or, have your DH start doing ALL night wakings, him offering water and cuddles. Will be faster, but hard on DH (but easier for you Wink

)

FranticFrummie

Tue, Aug 18 2020, 9:25 am

Frumme, I agree with most of what you said, but I still think bottles in bed are a bad habit.

I used to nanny for a family with 3 kids, aged 2, 4, and 7. They all STILL had to have bottles of formula in bed! They would cry like crazy if I didn't give it to them. I was so shocked, at first I thought they were joking with me when they said the needed them. I even had to call the mom to verify that they weren't pulling my leg.

Yep, sure enough, her "babies" needed their bottles. The two older ones were still wetting the bed, and the 2yo was refusing to give up diapers. Banging head

That was just the tip of the iceberg. I didn't stay long at that job.

amother

Tue, Aug 18 2020, 9:56 am

Thanks so much everyone. I hear the part about it not working for this one maybe that’s the issue he refuses to lay down he will just stay in the same spot on his bed crying and I come in on 10 minute intervals but nothing really helps and he still won’t lay down. I’m just feeling terrible that it’s taking close to two hours he keeps dozing off sitting up and then when he falls forward a little he wakes back up.
I am still nursing about 20 minutes before bedtime and once in middle of the night but now he can’t go back to sleep after that night nurse because he keeps waking back up when I put him in.
This is not the first time I tried this method on him it has worked before but then btwn a cold and teething over 3 weeks we dropped it and that’s when he came into my bed. Also then he wasn’t sitting yet so he would just lay there till he fell asleep and it worked

amother

Denim

Tue, Aug 18 2020, 9:57 am

renslet wrote:

I either put on a bigger size diaper for kids who leak, or I've evn put on 2 diapers. So that once the first is full, it just leaks over to the 2nd one and keeps the kid dry.

Rachel Shira

Tue, Aug 18 2020, 12:49 pm

Yes definitely recommend precious little sleep! It’s a book and there’s also a Facebook group where you can get advice. Here’s the advice I’d give you there - end the last nursing session half an hour before bed and don’t feed for 5 hours after bedtime. Also, stop doing checks - it makes it much harder for most babies, especially at one year old when he’s more like a toddler. You need to give him more space to figure it out. An appropriate daytime schedule is also important, if he’s napping too much, his night sleep will be affected.

Frumme

Tue, Aug 18 2020, 1:06 pm

FranticFrummie wrote:

That was just the tip of the iceberg. I didn't stay long at that job.

Oops I should have been clearer! Only water bottles by the bed, not formula, milk, juice etc. For sure not, that's how kids can get tooth decay unfortunately. I meant a sippy cup with water!

Personally I find water bottles to be fine because even adults take water bottles to bed... Wink

stillnewlywed

Tue, Aug 18 2020, 2:38 pm

Rachel Shira wrote:

Exactly this. But you really have to read the whole book.

FranticFrummie

Tue, Aug 18 2020, 10:30 pm

Frumme wrote:

What? I never heard of taking a water bottle to bed. Get a cup of water, drink it, and then go to sleep. Why do you need a bottle?

Drinking is for day time. Sleeping is for night time.