Naming after DH grandfather

amother

Fri, Aug 21 2020, 4:53 am

Expecting #6. I know I'm expected to name after DH grandfather. I'm a little upset by this because I already named 3 of my other children after his grandparents and I feel like I will get no input. Its kind of special to name a child and I'd love to use a name I like instead of what's expected...

amother

Fri, Aug 21 2020, 5:15 am

SuperWify wrote:

If you go by turns who’s turn is it?
Why can’t you name after your side or preference?

We dont officially take turns. It kind of went by who died when.
We have 2 boys already, one is named after my grandfather and the other is named after both our grandfathers because name was too similar.
So I assume this new boy should be his other grandfather. Which makes sense. But no choice....

amother

Green

Fri, Aug 21 2020, 9:19 am

If 3 kids are named for his family, then 2 are named for yours, no?

If his grandfather's name isn't horrible, use it. It will make his parent happy. If there are already 47 other cousins with that name already, you don't have to use it. But why not?

Blessing1

Fri, Aug 21 2020, 9:27 am

amother [ Green ] wrote:

We don't name our kids to make "his" or our parents happy. We name our kids a name that we like.

amother

Denim

Fri, Aug 21 2020, 9:34 am

Personally I really appreciate using family names over names "I like". I feel using a name from a relative holds so much spiritual power, and inherently connects the child to the person who passed away. It is such a special thing.

This is just my opinion but also a different way to look at using family names. It can be a special connection and doesn't have be a bad thing.

amother

Green

Fri, Aug 21 2020, 9:52 am

Blessing1 wrote:

We don't name our kids to make "his" or our parents happy. We name our kids a name that we like.

I completely understand. But if you don't dislike a name, and it can make your parents happy, then using it is just a nice thing to do.

I happen to have an ugly name that my parents gave me to please their parents. I've made clear to my own children that they are under no obligation to use it after 120, and whenever they name their kids now, I'm just thrilled with the the new baby. I don't want any input - I already gave names to my own children. But I have seen many times that when someone has died and a baby is born soon after, many people feel real comfort when the baby is named for the recently deceased.

tweety1

Fri, Aug 21 2020, 9:59 am

I have a cousin that was in a similar situation but the opposite way. Most of the names were after her side. It was in the yr of my grandfather and she did not give the name. Her dh grandfather wasn't alive and he knew him very well. He gave after his grandfather.

Tirza

Fri, Aug 21 2020, 10:09 am

OP, I think your feelings are very valid. Of course you want to be able to choose a name that you like for your child.
You said that naming after your husband's grandfather is "expected" of you. Don't assume that. Talk to your husband and explain to him how you feel. Maybe he will back you up.

amother

Oak

Fri, Aug 21 2020, 11:06 am

amother [ Denim ] wrote:

Agree with this so much. Exactly how I feel too. My kids don’t have trendy names but they are so meaningful to me as family names.

amother

Burlywood

Fri, Aug 21 2020, 11:20 am

Blessing1 wrote:

We don't name our kids to make "his" or our parents happy. We name our kids a name that we like.

You make it sound like it’s a bad thing to do something nice just to make someone else happy. I’m not talking about a name or person that’s particularly disliked, just neutral. There’s nothing WRONG with making someone happy.

amother

Powderblue

Fri, Aug 21 2020, 11:25 am

You are so lucky to be in this predicament! I would have loved to have named after my beloved grandparents who I adored, but due to SIF, I never had the opportunity. You need to be happy with your child's name and I wouldn't do it just to make his parents happy, but is it meaningful to your husband? Did he have a special relationship and or a tremendous amount of respect for his grandfather? Had I had a son, I would have fought tooth and nail for the baby to be named for my wonderful grandfather- yet for the other one, I wouldn't have cared. My DD had the zechus of meeting one grandmother (although my grandmother was in the advanced stages of dementia) and I cherish the picture I have of my grandmother holding her as an infant. DD is not named for my other grandmother with whom I had a strained relationship even though she had predeceased. The middot that she exemplified in my mind, were not ones I wished for my daughter. My parents accepted my thinly veiled excuse and I went with a name I loved.
My bracha to you is that you should have a healthy baby and Hashem should bless you with the family size of your choosing.

Blessing1

Fri, Aug 21 2020, 11:26 am

amother [ Burlywood ] wrote:

Right, but this can only be said if the parents are happy with the name. OP said she is a bit upset about it, she wants to give a name she likes and not what everyone expects her to give. So she shouldn't give a name just to make the grandparents happy. It's more important for parents to like the name than for grandparents to be happy. All my kids are named after grandparents, but we like the names. There's a name in the family that no one gives because that grandmother was a very bitter women and it's not such a nice/common name. My grandfather promised a lot of money for whoever will give the name but so far no one gave the name. We need to like the name we give and shouldn't name a child just to make our parents happy.

amother

Salmon

Fri, Aug 21 2020, 4:37 pm

There was a name I was “supposed” to pick for my last baby. It was the name of a relative who I think most of the family assumed I would name after. Meanwhile I wanted a different name very badly which was after a different relative and also the name felt right to me. I felt sick over it the whole pregnancy but DH kept telling me it’s our baby and we get to name the baby what we want. If anyone was disappointed about the name, at least they didn’t say so. If your DH wants to name after his grandfather that’s different than if his parent wants that name for your baby. I hope you find the right name and are able to make peace with it. It’s a big deal to like your baby’s name, even if you’ll come to love it anyway later. I hope you’re able to settle this soon and have peace of mind.

amother

Babypink

Fri, Aug 21 2020, 6:19 pm

I had so much drama with my first 2 kids names. My Inlaws bribed dh. I had enough. I refused to discuss my other kids names until after they were named.

Yes my Inlaws lost a parent not looky long before I gave birth. But it wasn't fair that they insisted on talking the names. My kids currently share their name with countless cousins.

I have told me kids that they are welcome to name their kids any Jewish name they want.

amother

Burgundy

Thu, Nov 12 2020, 11:24 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I HAD to come back to let u know, I'm due now, waiting for baby and that grandfather's yartzheit is today! I guess we will use the name!

In labor? Hatzlacha. Hopefully you’ll get to love the name.

I having the same predicament now. It’s expected that I’ll give a name that I dislike.

amother

Turquoise

Thu, Nov 12 2020, 11:45 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I HAD to come back to let u know, I'm due now, waiting for baby and that grandfather's yartzheit is today! I guess we will use the name!

I had such a similar experience! My child was born on a grandparents yartzeit so he “had to” use the name even though we had planned to name for someone else. Honestly, it wasn’t an easy decision and we almost used the other name we were planning on anyway. We call the child by a nickname so it feels more like we chose it. After the fact it is so clear that this child needed to have this name and we love it.

amother

Green

Fri, Nov 13 2020, 12:28 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I HAD to come back to let u know, I'm due now, waiting for baby and that grandfather's yartzheit is today! I guess we will use the name!

Beshaa tova, hope everything goes well.