Birthdays? | Imamother

silverlining3

Sun, Aug 23 2020, 9:43 pm

Family, if someone remembers (usually atleast one does) they text me. Sometime I call my mom saying, in more a humorous way, thank you for giving birth to me, May you see nachas from my kids Smile

Husband, sometimes just a card, other times a gift, other times just a special thing-to acknowledge. I think even once he forgot, and it was okay.

lucky14

Sun, Aug 23 2020, 9:46 pm

amother [ Magenta ] wrote:

I never thought about celebrating once I wasn’t a kid anymore... not sure exactly what to celebrate. That I made it another year around the sun? What exactly did I do to deserve a celebration?

it's fun to have a special day once a year.

amother

Brunette

Sun, Aug 23 2020, 10:58 pm

amother [ Magenta ] wrote:

I never thought about celebrating once I wasn’t a kid anymore... not sure exactly what to celebrate. That I made it another year around the sun? What exactly did I do to deserve a celebration?

I'm with you. So much pressure. Am I a loser if nobody celebrates? Should I feel bad? Am I a bad person if I don't go all out and spend a week making everyone birthday the best birthday ever to the exclusion of everyone and everything else? Wouldn't that make me a worse wife/mom/friend for everyone else multiple times a year?
I would much rather be thought of because someone saw or heard something (nice preferably) and thought of me, not because their phone beeped with an alert that it was my birthday so they called. I buy things for others when I see (and can afford) them and I think they will love it and it will make them happy. If I see it and buy it, I want to give it then so they can enjoy it, not hold it for 6 months until their birthday and they are no longer interested in it as either their taste changed or they already got one. I hate the frantic, let me spend hours in the mall to force myself to find a present when there is nothing specific you want, nothing I think you will love, but need to buy something and then you are disappointed because it speaks to you as much as it spoke to me when after many hours I needed to settle on something.
I hate birthdays. Mine and other people's.

amother

Magenta

Sun, Aug 23 2020, 11:01 pm

amother [ Brunette ] wrote:

Spot on, my friend

amother

Brunette

Sun, Aug 23 2020, 11:22 pm

Now the problem is that DD's 17th is coming up. She is not popular and doesn't have big group of friends. How do I make it special? BTW, we are SDing as are her 2 closest friends so it's not like they can come for Shabbos.
I often ask her what she wants for dinner and make her favorites for Shabbos as she is the only one left at home. Siblings cannot come due to COVID/too far away. I went school shopping for her and have always gone with the all of them and bought what was needed and she is not one to want a brand item that I would say no to otherwise and not buy for her fashionista sister. We are doing keritin and laser hair, not because she asked for it, but because I think she needs it. Expensive, but not a gift in her mind, a chore not so different than going to have your teeth cleaned at the dentist. She doesn't wear jewelry (she has) and doesn't carry a purse. Have gone out to eat, but it's expensive andshe doesn't feel like it is special for her because everyone gets to come. This year, even though there is nobody else, sshewill feel the same due to the precedent set. Made her a surprise party last year and more people declined than showed up, leaving her feeling like it was pathetic.

I think I am a pretty good mom year round but really bad at the Birthday thing.

Don't mean to be a downer, but looking for help.

camp123

Mon, Aug 24 2020, 1:06 am

I think thinking of a birthday as a special day is setting yourself up for disappointment. Unless you are actually making a party its unlikely you'll be happy. At the end of the day it's just a regular day for everyone else, and regular things have to happen. I always thought it a tad immature when adults have this childish need to celebrate a birthday. It's a great time to reflect on another year, daven for what you want. I told my husband never to feel pressure to buy me something for my bday and I don't buy him anything particularly for that day. We say happy birthday and there's no expectation or pressure. If we can we go out for a nice meal around our birthdays. He grew up in a house where there was so much pressure for everyones birthday so he's really relieved.

camp123

Mon, Aug 24 2020, 1:55 am

amother [ Brunette ] wrote:

Maybe write her a really meaningful card that tells her what a great person she is and all the good stuff about her. You could get siblings and friends to send their own messages, each one singing her praises.

Ruchel

Mon, Aug 24 2020, 8:17 am

It's very important to me. The day less, as long as I'm wished happy birthday I'm fine celebrating a month later. I want a cake. I want gifts. Why not? A nice card and kids drawing for me is fine if there's budget restriction. Homemade cake or a cheapo is also ok if there's a reason. Wishing is free so that's not fine.

zaq

Mon, Aug 24 2020, 8:26 am

While we shouldn't need an official excuse to celebrate our loved ones, it helps to have a formally recognized day that all can accept. Otherwise this one would say that date is no good and that one would say this date is no good and how would you decide for whom and when? And you might end up celebrating Yitzie twice in one year and Mitzie not at all.

The ideal would be for the birthday celebrants to make the party themselves as a sort of modern-day korban todah to thank the KBH for granting them another year of life.

amother

Aquamarine

Mon, Aug 24 2020, 9:09 am

If you don't much care about your own bday, consider yourself blessed and don't feel guilty. It's not a mitzvah to demand recognition or to observe the day. However, you should make an effort to recognize other people's bdays, since to many people they mean a lot. As celebrated in the Western world esp. in the US, it's an artificial construct, but one that is instilled from earliest childhood. Many bdays are social milestones: at 14 you can get working papers; at 15-18, depending on where you live, you can get a driver's license; at 18 you can vote; at 21 you can drink legally; at 55 you can join AARP; at 60-65, depending on vendor, you can claim a senior citizen's discount.