Just a vent ..... | Imamother

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Forum -> Relationships -> Manners & Etiquette

Just a vent .....

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amother

Tue, Aug 25 2020, 1:33 pm

This is just a vent. There's not much I could do at this point anyways.
This summer, DS 4 years old was in a backyard camp. It was a teacher who was making a camp in someone's house. For various legal reasons they had to change places in the middle from one day to the next. For a bunch of reasons, my house made sense. I wasn't so excited about it and I told her I wasn't but I gave in so the camp wouldn't shut down and 20 kids would not be left without a camp halfway through the summer. It was very hard for me, since I don't have space in my house for a camp. I emptied out my entire garage, (meaning actually storing my stuff and somebody else's house) and changed the lighting. My husband made a contraption so they had air conditioning. For various reasons, including using the bathroom they have to go upstairs to my house. They also ended up using my playroom after she begged me if she could use it part of the day. I was happy to do it, although it was hard for me. I did not give her any problems the entire time and I literally left my house open every day for a camp to be there.
The camp finished last Thursday, and on her way out the teacher told me she's going to come back with her husband to clear up, and put back my garage the way it should be. I also told her many times that my outdoor area has to be cleared. She used a lot of toys and left them scattered all over the place. She told me she's going to come back on Friday. She never came. On Sunday, my kids and my husband spent a couple hours clearing up the outside of my house and putting my garage back together since she didn't come. She did have a cleaning lady there on Thursday, so it wasn't left dirty. (she had a cleaning lady a total of three times the entire time, and I spent over an hour every morning clearing up so my house was decent enough for a camp. I was in my first trimester and not feeling well and didn't have strength at night to clean up, so I woke up every morning early and cleared up just so her camp could be there... Otherwise I would have left my house as is even if it was a flying mess. This cleaning up included cleaning a bathroom every morning that her camp used. I actually did not allow anyone in my family to use that bathroom and a time that the camp was there thinking she would take care of it and it would be her department)

Anyways when they were clearing up on Sunday they found a bunch of her toys scattered in the backyard. I sent her a picture now of all the stuff that I found and told her she should come get it. Her response was, I'll come at some point... I'll call you before)

I'm kind of upset over this, since it's not what I signed up for. I got no break on the camp. I paid her in cash right away and did not give her a problem. At the end of the day I feel very very used.

End of vent.

bsy

Tue, Aug 25 2020, 1:44 pm

Wow that is definitely using you. I would have expected her to pay for using your house etc. Not sure why she doesnt think she should pay....

amother

Mustard

Tue, Aug 25 2020, 1:46 pm

Problem is that half the world is that way...
Drives me mad as well...

Hugs op, you can’t change people.

Simple1

Tue, Aug 25 2020, 1:47 pm

She should have given you a break on the camp fee. Did you ask?

amother

Tue, Aug 25 2020, 1:51 pm

bsy wrote:

Wow that is definitely using you. I would have expected her to pay for using your house etc. Not sure why she doesnt think she should pay....

Since it was literally one day to the next I never made anything up. She mentioned she may give me back some of what I paid for the camp. She never said anything again. Honestly I had a lot going on, being pregnant and not feeling well and BH five family weddings this summer....it's been more than hectic and I literally didn't even speak to her about it.
The truth is I didn't have that many issues, except it took a lot on me. I was just very very hurt once you didn't show up again to at least help put my house back together after using it for 7 weeks straight. I didn't even get a thank you text from her either or anything. Not that I need it but I would have expected something after using it for so long. The first week she did buy me a chocolate platter.
If it would have been something I made up in the beginning of the summer, and not something so last minute, I probably would have spoke to her about different things. I wasn't going to make an issue over the little things which personally I thought you should have taken care of but this just really bothered me.

amother

Tue, Aug 25 2020, 1:52 pm

Simple1 wrote:

She should have given you a break on the camp fee. Did you ask?

I didn't really ask, but she did tell me she would give back some of the camp fee.... I didn't see any of it yet.

bsy

Tue, Aug 25 2020, 1:54 pm

I would say something. like "hi, I was wondering about when you're coming to clean up your things. I was able to let you use my house but I need it cleaned up asap. We also discussed getting a cheaper rate for daycamp, so please get back to me."

amother

Tue, Aug 25 2020, 1:56 pm

bsy wrote:

So at this point I don't need her to come clean up my house. My husband and kids did the whole thing since she didn't come back. I did text her today about getting her stuff and as I wrote above, the response was I'll come at some point I'll call you before. Regarding the camp fee, I probably should say something but honestly it wasn't really a discussion. She just mentioned to me she would give me some of the back but she didn't yet.

Chayalle

Tue, Aug 25 2020, 1:56 pm

I wonder if from a Halachic POV, you could tell her that if she doesn't pick up her stuff by a certain time, you will consider it hefker and throw it out.

I know they do that in yeshivas. There's no reason why you should be housing her stuff, rent-free, indefinitely.

And OP, if I were you, I'd let this be a lesson in boundaries. Next time, don't sign up for something that is likely to grow bigger than what you are prepared to give. And during pregnancy, no less. No way Jose.

amother

Red

Tue, Aug 25 2020, 2:00 pm

She will unlikely mention a break in tuition unless you ask, assertively.
You are going to need to bother her for anything you want/need-should be done.
Falls into the category of no good dead goes unpunished.

amother

Tue, Aug 25 2020, 2:00 pm

Chayalle wrote:

It's honestly not a lot of stuff, because she took a lot home with her on Thursday. It's just a pile of stuff, I'm not planning on holding it indefinitely. if it's not picked up by the end of the week I'm going to be telling her I'm throwing it out.
You are 100% right. I should have never agreed to it. The problem was because of the area the camp was in, and all the backyard camps that were going on the authorities were on everyone's case. My block is only one that is fully Jewish and didn't have anyone to say anything. The choice was either moving it to my house, or closing down the camp. Even though we weren't happy about it, I decided for the sake of all the kids to let them use my house so they are not left without a camp. Also, this was my son's teacher this year in school and he Loved her. And there was no way I could change him in the middle of the summer to another camp. (And I work and kind of needed a camp for him)

amother

Aubergine

Tue, Aug 25 2020, 2:02 pm

Wow Op so sorry this happened! You really went above and beyond at a time when everyone was scrambling to stay ahead of the curve just to make things work for our kids.

To say she really really dropped the ball is putting it too mildly Sad

You and your family really sound amazing. Wishing you all the brochos! as well as a hefty amount of cash back promptly on your camp payment....

and now that I see your latest post, all the more so.
At best she sounds overwhelmed...

You did what you had to do to make it work for your kid(s).

groovy1224

Tue, Aug 25 2020, 2:03 pm

I think you need to be more direct in asking her to come immediately to help clear up, and ask for a refund. I think you deserve more than a partial refund.At least one child should have been free for using your home in this way. She is taking advantage of your kindness and flexibility. Be polite but firm. I would say something like 'Hi ______, I know it's a very busy time for you but I feel that I have been very patient in waiting for you to help clean up from this summer, so please let me know ASAP when you can come by. In addition, I would like to discuss the refund of camp fees that you mentioned.'

ETA just read that you don't even need her help clearing up because your husband and son did it all. All the more reason why you are entitled to a complete refund, plus extra. I don't know if at this point I would push for more, since you didn't agree on a price at the time. I would ask for a full refund for my chil(ren) that attended her camp though, no question.

Last edited by groovy1224 on Tue, Aug 25 2020, 2:05 pm; edited 1 time in total

SixOfWands

Tue, Aug 25 2020, 2:05 pm

OP, you're a good person.

But as they say, no good deed goes unpunished.

Tell her that everything needs to be gone by DATE, and tell her if its not gone, you'll offer it all up on Freecycle.

amother

Tue, Aug 25 2020, 2:06 pm

groovy1224 wrote:

I only had one kid in this camp. Lucky me had three different camps this summer.

amother

Fuchsia

Tue, Aug 25 2020, 2:06 pm

As I was reading through the OP, I just kept thinking “Oh h-ll no!!” Over and over again. And that was with assuming that she had paid you or let you kid go totally for free.

You were majorly taken advantage of.

groovy1224

Tue, Aug 25 2020, 2:10 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I only had one kid in this camp. Lucky me had three different camps this summer.

So you are 100% justified in asking for a complete refund, plus extra. But like I said, asking for extra is a little tricky now because you didn't agree to a price at the time of the agreement. I understand life was super hectic, and you likely assumed she would be a mentsch about it and compensate you fairly, but it seems she is taking you for a bit of a ride here. She will not offer anything if you don't ask, so be confident and direct, and please please please don't take a measly $200 for all your trouble.

amother

Silver

Tue, Aug 25 2020, 2:16 pm

I don’t even understand how you allowed this situation to actually happen, OP. It sounds unbelievable to me. Sounds like you were really stepped on. You should receive a full refund for this summer and your child should attend camp for free for the next 10 summers. This lady would have had no camp if not for you, and would have had to issue refunds for every child!

amother

Tue, Aug 25 2020, 2:22 pm

amother [ Silver ] wrote:

I am a pretty easy-going person on general and kind of have a open house. I like ppl and generally am ok with most things. I did not expect at all to be stepped on this way though. I did not expect much at all but when she didn't come back at the end it really bothered me. I am someone who goes above and beyond usually. If it was me, I would have made sure every single thing was put back together before leaving. There are a number of small things which I would have made sure to do as well but not coming back really really irked me.

BetsyTacy

Tue, Aug 25 2020, 2:32 pm

I see that camp was important for you as a working mom, but I bet it was even more important for this morah to be able to keep all the tuition that she had already collected from all the campers.

For the sake of all the other people who she will use in the future, perhaps your husband can help you write a more strongly worded email.

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