My eight year old keeps eating. It makes me so nervous

amother

Sat, Aug 29 2020, 10:30 pm

DD likes to eat a lot. She's overweight (although not crazy overweight, but I can see her getting there). It really gets me nervous. I know that doesn't help much, and I try to hide it, but I wonder if she picks up on that and it makes things worse...

I've tried limiting what I buy, but it's hard. I have older kids to who like having some stuff around when they invite friends over, and I don't believe in limiting all nosh for kids I don't want them to feel deprived (like I like to give out one or two things shabbos afternoon. So I usually have at least 2-3 things in the cabinet).

I've tried making nosh off limits (having one locked cabinet for that stuff, but if I ever forget to lock it or she figures out where the key is, she goes through the stuff....If I ever hide anything for myself (chocolate...) shes sure to find it somehow and have some. I cant do anything about freezer stuff so she ends up eating a lot of what's in there (yeh I could lock that to, but I hate the idea of doing that to her to, like how controlling can I be, she is eight already...)

I also try to also have healthy stuff around, but I'm out of ideas of what to buy - I have lots of fruit which she does eat (but it doesnt stop her from trying to eat other stuff) she also enjoys string cheese (but can eat 5 + a day, and their expensive for me to buy all the time, yes I can limit those, but she'll sneak some extra...), rice cake and crackers. Any other ideas?

Today I let her have a certain cake she really liked for kidduish, then she went to a neighbors kiddush in shul and she had more cake. In the afternoon she asked for more and I let her have one more piece. Before bed I let her have again the same one she had in the morning that she really liked( since she begged me and I really do try to be easygoing with the food, I feel if I never let her have it will make things worse.) Anyways after there was one more piece left. A little while later she came for a drink. After she went back to bed I went to the kitchen, the last piece of cake was gone. I'm 99.9% sure she had it when she came in to the kitchen (and she knows I dont let) Do I say anything to her or leave it? (this type of situation happens all the time, she'll lie about it (not always but sometimes) to and I'd find wrappers in her pockets the next day...)

Am I to controlling over the food and is that making things worse? (I do let her eat as much fruit, yogurt, cheese, crackers... that she wants, its just the cake and candy. I do get nervous when she reaches for her 3rd or fourth sandwich, but I really try not to show it and let her have as much as she wants) Should I just have healthy food around and try to stay out of it? (I've tried that before, but it didnt last long - I had things I needed to save for certain events so had to lock those up, which she eventually got to anyways....) maybe I should try again?

Non of my other kids are like this.Any advice is appreciated. I just want to do the right thing and I dont want her to end up with an eating problem c'v...

Chana Miriam S

Sat, Aug 29 2020, 10:46 pm

If she is like me, the insulin reaction is causing her to have cravings that are almost impossible to refuse. E wry one is different. Your other kids may not have this ‘allergy’ if this is what it is.

The way to find out is to work as a team. Note that eating healthy does not mean eating so much cake or nosh or whatever, and you’ve noticed that it’s hard to her to stop.

I have very strong ideas about this since this was how I behaved. Everyone thought I was a glutton. I thought I was a glutton. I could not stop eating. Until I was 49. When I stopped eating the things that gave me that reaction.

I’m a strong believer that a team approach is important. Also that it’s very important to stop the reaction. You might not like what I’m saying, but it’s my truth. And I recognize me in the behaviour. There’s nothing you can say to her that she won’t say to her self.

amother

Black

Sat, Aug 29 2020, 10:53 pm

andrea levy wrote:

Can you explain the team approach? I have a child like this too.

amother

Sat, Aug 29 2020, 10:56 pm

andrea levy wrote:

Thanks.

So how to you think I should go about helping her? It's hard to imagine taking away all nosh from an 8yr old who loves it, it would be really hard for me (and her of course) (but I'd do it if that's what's best for her). Also Im not sure it's possible - they get in school somtimes, plus it's hard to have nothing in the house bec of my other children...
As a child how would you have liked your parents to handle it?

avrahamama

Sat, Aug 29 2020, 11:16 pm

My friend's husband came home and told her he has a failing liver and is morbidly obese. The prognosis was ugly. That very instant she emptied her entire house of sugar, starch, white bread, dairy, meat. She put her entire family on a vegan whole food diet. Her reasoning was that the entire family had to make a lifelong lifestyle change in order for it to be effective for her husband. He ended up needing a liver transplant. But BH he had lost 190 pounds in a year and half and it helped so much with his recovery.

He was very addicted to carbs. He would wake up middle of the night to eat bread and butter.

I don't know what foods are appropriate for your daughter. But I'm guessing the team response might be a general change in the food atmosphere of your house. For the good of your daughter and everyone else. Maybe it doesnt need to be as drastic as my friend who wont even let eggs in her house. But maybe make a smaller cake. And throw it out once everyone has a piece after shabbos lunch. I dont feel bad throwing out anything that has excessive amounts of sugar and not real nutritional value. I'll throw out all cookies, cakes, chocolates even of they aren't finished.

Anyway you will have to experiment on what works for you. It might be a few different things. But making the trigger foods truly not valued might be helpful.

amother

Ginger

Sat, Aug 29 2020, 11:21 pm

andrea levy wrote:

Can you explain what you mean by "insulin reaction"? Is this the same as reactive hypoglycemia?

Chana Miriam S

Sat, Aug 29 2020, 11:28 pm

The team approach is involving the whole family, absolutely. Here’s the thing. That stuff isn’t good for anyone. And if she was celiac, what would you do? If she was allergic to nuts, what would you do? You’d remove the food that had a bad effect. You’d remove what made her sick.

Yes, it’s hard to control what happens outside the house. But you can handle what happens inside your house.

Read ‘why we get sick’ by dr. Ben Bikman. It explains insulin resistance.

Or, ‘the big fat surprise’ by Nina teicholz. It also explains everything.

If you pm me, I can send you a PDF that explains a good, whole, unprocessed way of eating. Regular food you buy in your store. Ingredients.

amother

Yellow

Sat, Aug 29 2020, 11:46 pm

You’re definitely doing something right by not drawing attention to this problem. Generally speaking, kids who feel their parents’ disapproval will develop an unhealthy relationship with food, IME.
After reading your description of her habits, I wonder if it’s a good idea just to limit times for eating. Boundaries are usually good for kids. Eat at meal times and then a healthy snack or fruit/ vegetable as needed until the next meal.
It’s not about bringing attention to the food as to the structure and schedule that you implement.
(Also btw, thirst often feels like hunger. She should be drinking enough water as well.)
And last, make sure to be a good role model for her. Sit down for meals, with a plate and cutlery. Make good and appetizing healthy food choices. Don’t kids always want to eat whatever their mom is enjoying??

FranticFrummie

Sun, Aug 30 2020, 6:28 am

In addition to everything Andrea has said, you need to look into the psychological issues.

If your DD is mature enough to know not to mix meat and dairy, then she's mature enough to know that she's not supposed to be taking food that's not allowed. You talk about "stealing and sneaking food", taking from other people, even when she knows it's wrong. That sounds like the beginnings of an eating disorder, or at least emotional eating problems.

Diet isn't just about how we eat, or when we eat, or even how much we eat. If you don't address WHY we eat, then you will only have a couple pieces of the puzzle.

amother

Emerald

Sun, Aug 30 2020, 6:45 am

As mothers, most often we are the ones shopping and the nutritional gatekeepers in our home.Don’t bring the junk food into the house, even if it’s a few bags of treats for the older ones. As for the chocolate and the occasional treat make it special. Everyone can share together when appropriate.

Introduce delicious wholesome and whole grain snacks into your children’s diet like home made popcorn flavored with avocado oil, smoked paprika, Salt and a touch of honey. Chopped fruit and home baked muffins with less sugar for the weekdays are great and special home baked treats for shabbos.
Will be special and enjoyed by all.
Basically eat a diet that processed snacks are at a minimum.
Also, frozen banana pops are great and baked pears with crumb toppings wonderful too. Switch the breakfast cereal to Cheerios or low sugar and add a small touch of honey if needed.
Make this a healthy transformation for everyone!
Also, make sure your daughter is eating wholesome and balanced meals. Put veggies on the menu along with protein and complex carbs like kasha, brown rice and sweet potatoes.

amother

Emerald

Sun, Aug 30 2020, 7:03 am

I also wanted to add that at first your dd may not want to eat the veggies but she will probably be tempted by the popcorn and muffins... Add puréed butternut squash to Mac in cheese ( you can even use baby food jar) just don’t tell her it will make the cheese sauce more orange. Keep the fiber coming with baked potato fries with seasonings, breaded cauliflower also great. Experiment with new fun vegetable recipes! Also, try to wean everyone off the cheese sticks. Offer her 1 -2 a day but save the mozzarella cheese for home made pizza!
Op, I also was concerned about the junk intake in my home but thankfully I was able to reset the taste buds in my family! Hatzlacha!

amother

Emerald

Sun, Aug 30 2020, 7:11 am

amother [ Emerald ] wrote:

I also wanted to add that at first your dd may not want to eat the veggies but she will probably be tempted by the popcorn and muffins... Add puréed butternut squash to Mac in cheese ( you can even use baby food jar) just don’t tell her it will make the cheese sauce more orange. Keep the fiber coming with baked potato fries with seasonings, breaded cauliflower also great. Experiment with new fun vegetable recipes! Also, try to wean everyone off the cheese sticks. Offer her 1 -2 a day but save the mozzarella cheese for home made pizza!
Op, I also was concerned about the junk intake in my home and connection to weight gain but thankfully I was able to reset the taste buds in my family! Hatzlacha!

amother

Plum

Sun, Aug 30 2020, 9:19 am

I think this advice is good. Check whats really going on phys and emotionally.
I also want to add a word of chizuk. My dc were not eating healthy food enough and with some work we were able to change their habits. My daughter was stealing nosh even from siblings. They now enjoy a lot of healthy minimally processed food. But the first step was getting rid of the junk in the house. We do give shabbos party but all extra candy gets stored in my closet where noone can get it. And honestly they barely ask for candy anymore. I know it feels so hard but if you can handle it emotionally its worth a try.

I found it only worked as a family wide change for everyone.
The first month was hard but really paid off when they sit down to a plate of salmon and salad for dinner and are really excited about it! BH

amother

Beige

Sun, Aug 30 2020, 10:26 pm

It sounds more like a portion control issue. A 3rd or 4th sandwich? That's in one sitting? 5 string cheeses in a day? For a little girl? Even most healthy foods need some sort of limit after a couple of portions have been consumed.

I have a child who was always hungry as a young boy. (he's a teenager now) He loves food. Some kids eat just because they're hungry. Some eat because they love the taste of food. But after an appropriate portion plus a small second helping, I always insisted the meal was over and it was time to do something else. Kitchen closed. During a growth sport or just when his appetite was bigger, he would come back saying he was still hungry and of course I gave him more food. I could tell the difference between bored eating/eating because he just loved the taste versus true hunger. He's a thin teenager now and knows when to stop shoving my yummy food into his mouth Wink

But when he was younger, he truly did need to be taught healthy eating habits and portions whereas my other kids just had more regular appetites on their own.

Chana Miriam S

Sun, Aug 30 2020, 11:26 pm

amother [ Ginger ] wrote:

Can you explain what you mean by "insulin reaction"? Is this the same as reactive hypoglycemia?

I’ve never experienced this. I’m not e en sure what it’s called. I’ve been told by physicians and a dietician that in some people, when blood sugar falls, the body’s reaction is basically “ the sky is falling in! You’re going to die of low blood sugar!” And the compulsion to eat is as difficult to avoid as let’s say, putting off your period by self will.

I recently wore a blood sugar monitor and even when my blood glucose was very low, never experienced any symptoms of low blood sugar. Apparently if you’re a symptomatic, it’s not an issue.

Also, because my blood sugar only has a relatively small range, I don’t experience massive falls anymore, this my desire to eat compulsively is absent. I could still potentially overeat, but since I am aware now of how satiety feels, and don’t like the overfill feeling, I actively try to avoid that.