Overheard in the school supplies section...

FranticFrummie

Mon, Aug 31 2020, 2:19 am

Sometimes, even a couple dollars can make a difference in a child's whole year.

DD has social anxiety, and tends to freeze up if she feels panic coming on.

For her first day of 8th grade, I had bought her some backpack charms with a few of her favorite anime characters on them.

Several girls noticed them immediately, and came over to ask her about them. "You like 'Sword Art Online'? You like 'Attack of the Titans'? You like 'Totoro'? " "That is SO COOL!"

Within 5 minutes, the so called "Nerd Squad" was born, and they were fast friends for the year. DD has since moved, but she still keeps in touch with a couple of them.

champion

Mon, Aug 31 2020, 3:02 am

So bizzare that you feel the need to open a thread about this.
but whatever...
When I was a kid my grandmother would be the one preparing me for school many of the years.
She was practical and down to earth and also knew that there were some things she didn't 'get'
This conversation could have totally been her.
Hey honey we have all the stuff on the list now go pick something fancy that you and your buddies think is cool -
Translation: You millennials love things I can't fathom... But if it makes you happy, go choose one.

watergirl

Mon, Aug 31 2020, 3:52 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Not an idiot, but giving over the wrong message to her child.
What I found strange was 1)that she said it really loud for everyone to hear, I'd think one would be embarrassed to say this out loud, coming across as a "wannabe".
2) she couldve said "choose something cool", but she kept stressing "choose something everyone will think is cool" .

I also will buy some extras that my kids ask for, but I would never give over the message that I'm buying it in order to impress others .

1) Maybe her son his hearing deficiency and she needs to speak louder for him? Maybe she didn’t realize how loud she was? Maybe a million other things. I’m really not sure why you are finding the negative way to look at this.

2) I can totally imagine the scenario with my own boys. For two weeks leading up to the great event of school supply shopping, my son may say he wants some thing the other kids think is cool. For two weeks, he repeats this phrase. Maybe I do my best to help him with his self-confidence or whatever, but when we get to the eraser isle, are use the same phrase he has been using for two weeks. There could be again many reasons as other people have pointed out why this parent used this kind of wording. I wish somebody had explained it to my mother why I should have one thing the other kids would think is cool.

Is anybody else cringing, wondering what things they innocently said to their kids at target that will be misinterpreted and end up on a forum anonymously?

Raisin

Mon, Aug 31 2020, 3:56 am

Nothing wrong with buying cool stuff for your kid so that they fit in/enjoy going back to school, or just because, but I agree her wording was off. A kid should buy or do things because they enjoy it or like it, not solely based upon the opinions of others. A cool kid has self confidence.

Hashem_Yaazor

Mon, Aug 31 2020, 5:38 am

amother [ Orange ] wrote:

Merely excluding cool things isn't enough, parents should look at the supplies list with a frugal eye, do you really need TWO pencils? And such thick notebooks, can't you write smaller?

That's my husband. After dropping off my kids today with way too heavy backpacks and stuff, he said he's taking over school supplies next year. Every kid gets 2 binders and 2 pencils, v'zeh hu.

Hopefully he'll forget about that by next summer Wink

I'm a yekke. We follow the list to the best of our ability. Whether it makes sense to us or not.

EsG

Mon, Aug 31 2020, 8:20 am

OP, I would be taken aback overhearing that as well. I feel very strongly that it is wrong to teach children to base their opinions and feelings on what others will think of them. Even on something as small as school supplies. It sends a message that your worth is dependant on other people's thoughts and opinions.

If I overheard, "OK we got everything we need, what is something fun/cool you want to get?" , I would not think twice about it.

EsG

Mon, Aug 31 2020, 8:22 am

amother [ Denim ] wrote:

How many people hear ask what is the right knapsack for DD, the right shoes, coat....what extra and chair to send to camp.....
Make sure you have the right haircut, the right earrings,.....

Hey-how many mom's are looking for the "right" stroller or YT outfit for their infant?
Need I say more?

Couldn't agree more. Why so much emphasis on getting these nitty gritty MATERIALISTIC details just right? Why not form your own opinions?

SixOfWands

Mon, Aug 31 2020, 8:30 am

This is a total non-starter for me.

The kid told mom that "everyone" has certain types of notebooks and pens and whatever else, while mom was stocking up on the 25 cent notebooks, 10 cent Bic pens, and cheap folders, and that everyone would think he was a loser. Then she called to her kid, sulking a few feet away, OK now go pick out one thing that will make people think you're cool.

This is the LEAST thing I'd think about while buying school supplies.

SixOfWands

Mon, Aug 31 2020, 9:41 am

lilies wrote:

Though many of these posts may have been the true reality, it could have also been how OP has seen it. A parent who has not matured and is trying to live through the child.

Nope, because then the entire conversation would have been cool this, cool that. Not we got everything on the list, now one cool thing.

And even if it was, is this really something that merits condemnation on an international social media site?

Blessing1

Mon, Aug 31 2020, 9:45 am

SixOfWands wrote:

This. I don't think it's fair or nice to open a thread discussing what you overheard someone say.

ShishKabob

Mon, Aug 31 2020, 9:49 am

lilies wrote:

Though many of these posts may have been the true reality, it could have also been how OP has seen it. A parent who has not matured and is trying to live through the child.

For all you know, her son doesn't want anything cool and thinks the plainest things are great. Maybe he's a geek. To pacify his mom he told her before shopping, that one thing he'll agree to get that's cool, cuz by him all stuff are cool, so he'll get one thing that the other boys think is cool. That's my interpretation. Take it or leave it.

And for crying out loud, what is wrong that a mother that wants to get something for her son that everyone else has? So he should feel part of the in crowd? Is that also a crime these days?

lilies

Mon, Aug 31 2020, 10:46 am

SixOfWands wrote:

Maybe to the first part of the post, but there's a spectrum of immaturity..

Many things on this site don't have 'merit'. That doesn't mean it hasn't happened.

miami85

Mon, Aug 31 2020, 10:53 am

I grew up as an "only child" getting school supplies at the time so it was less of a financial ordeal if I wanted a more unique binder or pencil case and it's not a matter of "cool" but something to perhaps drum up excitement of going back to school. Now as a mother shopping with several children and on a tight budget I can't get each child a $10 pencil case. One kid insisted on it, but he got something similar before and l'maaseh it did last him, so I agreed to it, and my other kids were fine with a cheaper model so less of a fight all around. This year especially I wanted to not spend too much as I'm wary of how much they will have in-person classes, thus less comparing, and no sharing or really seeing each other's supplies being 6ft apart all the time but at the same time compassionate that they've been home for so long and being forced to wear masks most of the day is not really that exciting to go back so I allowed for some leeway.

lilies

Mon, Aug 31 2020, 10:54 am

Blessing1 wrote:

This. I don't think it's fair or nice to open a thread discussing what you overheard someone say.

Many times threads are opened due to how OP feels about something.
I'm not sure why this thread is being singled out. It isn't fair or nice to open a thread regarding many many things.

It's okay to post that this thread isn't fair, no comment.
I find many posters take pleasure in finding fault in an OP's perception of things, only due to their distaste of an OP's post. That isn't nice nor fair either. I don't mean you, just generally.

lilies

Mon, Aug 31 2020, 10:58 am

ShishKabob wrote:

Maybe.
Nothing is wrong.
There are still some mothers that pass on their own insecurities to their children. That's okay too. We are all human and we all have our things to work on.

See my previous posts for my point.

ShishKabob

Mon, Aug 31 2020, 10:59 am

lilies wrote:

Very true, I think we are all guilty of it at some point or another, although we may try very hard and be conscious not to. Smile

We are all a work in progress.

amother

Babyblue

Mon, Aug 31 2020, 11:04 am

I personally would never promote concept of needing others to think we are cool with my kids. Definitely way to mess with a childs heathy self worth. But I do think kids can have something they enjoy or feel good about. And definitely I hope I would not judge.

I used to help out a local dysfunctional family once a week. Dysfunctional as in the house reeked of an unknown pungent smell, both parents were unfortunately unwell and the kids went through neglect and second degree abuse. I can write a book about the extremely sad details... thank god with lots of help and intervention things are More stable At this point.

In any case there was one son who was gifted with good looks and charisma, and desperately held on to doing well socially at school. He was well liked but was extremely self conscious about his tattered plus often dirty clothes and belongings. He was young but did his own laundry (I Used to do it when I was there and otherwise made sure he had detergent For when he needed)

And to him, something that the kids at school would think is cool meant the world. I took him to Target around chanukah time and let him choose something he would be proud of in school. He chose a sports tee and a new baseball mit.

I wonder if moms were clicking their tongues at me on that trip....

You really never know.

Last edited by amother on Wed, Oct 25 2023, 8:18 pm; edited 2 times in total