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Can we please stop with the color schemes?
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israelimom




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Sep 01 2020, 3:44 pm
It's ridiculous already. And gowns. Who needs to be in a gown except for the bride?
A huge added expense. Dresses that get worn once. A fairly new custom entirely rooted in modern Western civilization's inclination towards pageantry and excess.
Can't we just have simple joy without needing to put on a show with elaborate costumes?
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Hashem_n_Farfel




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Sep 01 2020, 3:50 pm
I completely agree
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Success10




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Sep 01 2020, 3:55 pm
I don't think color schemes cost extra, and they really add a nice touch. Gowns, I hear your point, but the girls and ladies love them and how often do they get to wear them? There are much bigger things to gripe about with modern simchas, IMO.
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Rappel




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Sep 01 2020, 3:58 pm
Never. If my wedding is not a $100,000 gala affair completely bedecked in orchid pink, then it's just not worth having it at all.
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pizzapie




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Sep 01 2020, 3:59 pm
I agree 100%
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SuperWify




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Sep 01 2020, 4:00 pm
Nope. I love wearing gowns.
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SixOfWands




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Sep 01 2020, 4:00 pm
Success10 wrote:
I don't think color schemes cost extra, and they really add a nice touch. Gowns, I hear your point, but the girls and ladies love them and how often do they get to wear them? There are much bigger things to gripe about with modern simchas, IMO.


Of course they cost extra, because if your sister chooses gray, and your sister in law blue, you need 2 gowns you'll never wear again.

And I despise gowns.
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amother




Plum
 

Post  Tue, Sep 01 2020, 4:00 pm
Rappel wrote:
Never. If my wedding is not a $100,000 gala affair completely bedecked in orchid pink, then it's just not worth having it at all.


LOL
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amother




Maroon
 

Post  Tue, Sep 01 2020, 4:04 pm
israelimom wrote:
It's ridiculous already. And gowns. Who needs to be in a gown except for the bride?
A huge added expense. Dresses that get worn once. A fairly new custom entirely rooted in modern Western civilization's inclination towards pageantry and excess.
Can't we just have simple joy without needing to put on a show with elaborate costumes?

I disagree. Having a color scheme makes things easier as there is no guessing game on how to coordinate several different colors and its easier to get the same color gowns from a gemach as well. It eliminates competition between siblings/cousins whatever and just makes life easier. But no one is forcing you to pick a color for any of your kids wedding so no need to copy anyone else. You be you and let others be them. Live and let live.
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amother




Slateblue
 

Post  Tue, Sep 01 2020, 4:06 pm
Nothing wrong with a color scheme. It helps people identify the baalei hasimcha, looks attractive in pictures, and lends a cohesive look. It would look rather clownish to have blue tablecloths, red benchers, orange flowers, and purple dresses with pink shoes. However, even sensible things can be carried to an extreme. It's not necessary to have everyone wear identical shoes or identical dresses.

What you say about gowns can be said for bridal gowns as well. Why spend thousands on a gown you will wear once, even if it is the crowning achievement of your life thus far?
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israelimom




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Sep 01 2020, 4:07 pm
Color schemes cost extra if the color of the wedding isn't one you would ever wear outside of a color "obligation." Gowns have become this over-the-top socially-mandated but totally frivolous requirement -- it's time to roll back the clock and reconnect with the simple joy of celebrating a new marriage. I guess this was prompted by recent threads on the huge expenses that weddings entail beyond the cost of the venue/catering (like paying for gowns/makeup for the matching wedding party)
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amother




Cerulean
 

Post  Tue, Sep 01 2020, 4:10 pm
israelimom wrote:
Color schemes cost extra if the color of the wedding isn't one you would ever wear outside of a color "obligation." Gowns have become this over-the-top socially-mandated but totally frivolous requirement -- it's time to roll back the clock and reconnect with the simple joy of celebrating a new marriage. I guess this was prompted by recent threads on the huge expenses that weddings entail beyond the cost of the venue/catering (like paying for gowns/makeup for the matching wedding party)


They cost extra because you have to buy a new one at each occasion.
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israelimom




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Sep 01 2020, 4:14 pm
amother [ Slateblue ] wrote:
Nothing wrong with a color scheme. It helps people identify the baalei hasimcha, looks attractive in pictures, and lends a cohesive look. It would look rather clownish to have blue tablecloths, red benchers, orange flowers, and purple dresses with pink shoes. However, even sensible things can be carried to an extreme. It's not necessary to have everyone wear identical shoes or identical dresses.

What you say about gowns can be said for bridal gowns as well. Why spend thousands on a gown you will wear once, even if it is the crowning achievement of your life thus far?


I was talking about matching gowns, not about throwing away the concept of aesthetics entirely.

Bridal gowns are different (she is the one getting married, after all). Wish those weren't so expensive, but not much to be done in that department.

If never describe getting married as an "achievement" -- it's a bracha.
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amother




Slateblue
 

Post  Tue, Sep 01 2020, 4:15 pm
FYI, the lion's share of the cost of a wedding is the catering, not the clothing. And while you're ranting about gowns, how about videos? Who really needs a video of the wedding? Still shots aren't enough, you NEED to see Cousin Baila trip over her shoes again and again and again? how about the liquor? Do we NEED to provide Uncle Shikker and the Dipso twins the means with which to get smashed at the party and G-d forbid get smashed, literally, on the highway home? And does anyone NEED flowers that will wilt in a few hours and be thrown out after a few days? Does anyone NEED invitations in this age of email and whatsapp? Do we NEED a four-course meal preceded by a smorgasbord? Do we NEED a band? Why not hire a bunch of ladies with tambourines?

Can't we just have simple joy without needing to put on a show?
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pizzapie




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Sep 01 2020, 4:15 pm
amother [ Maroon ] wrote:
I disagree. Having a color scheme makes things easier as there is no guessing game on how to coordinate several different colors and its easier to get gowns from a gemach as well. It eliminates competition between siblings/cousins whatever and just makes life easier. But no one is forcing you to pick a color for any of your kids wedding so no need to copy anyone else. You be you and let others be them. Live and let live.

There is no way that having a color scheme makes things easier. It definitely makes things more expensive because you are limited (possibly very limited depending on the color chosen) in terms of what you can wear. And how in the world is it easier coordinate with a multitude of cousins? In my experience it's a lot more difficult. I feel bad for you that you feel a sense of competition within your own family that is the driving force behind the need to coordinate.
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israelimom




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Sep 01 2020, 4:17 pm
amother [ Slateblue ] wrote:
FYI, the lion's share of the cost of a wedding is the catering, not the clothing. And while you're ranting about gowns, how about videos? Who really needs a video of the wedding? Still shots aren't enough, you NEED to see Cousin Baila trip over her shoes again and again and again? how about the liquor? Do we NEED to provide Uncle Shikker and the Dipso twins the means with which to get smashed at the party and G-d forbid get smashed, literally, on the highway home? And does anyone NEED flowers that will wilt in a few hours and be thrown out after a few days? Does anyone NEED invitations in this age of email and whatsapp? Do we NEED a four-course meal preceded by a smorgasbord? Do we NEED a band? Why not hire a bunch of ladies with tambourines?

Can't we just have simple joy without needing to put on a show?


Exactly! Very Happy
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shanie5




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Sep 01 2020, 4:17 pm
I prefer color schemes. Pictures are much nicer with them. And I like wearing a different gown to each child's wedding. It makes each one different and special for me.
And we never spent a lot on gowns. The most expensive one ever was under $200. Most were under $100. Many came from gemachs. We also haven't chosen crazy colors. Navy, emerald, royal blue...
And no one is pressured into it. Its requested, and if you can't find one in that color, it's ok.
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pizzapie




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Sep 01 2020, 4:21 pm
amother [ Slateblue ] wrote:
FYI, the lion's share of the cost of a wedding is the catering, not the clothing. And while you're ranting about gowns, how about videos? Who really needs a video of the wedding? Still shots aren't enough, you NEED to see Cousin Baila trip over her shoes again and again and again? how about the liquor? Do we NEED to provide Uncle Shikker and the Dipso twins the means with which to get smashed at the party and G-d forbid get smashed, literally, on the highway home? And does anyone NEED flowers that will wilt in a few hours and be thrown out after a few days? Does anyone NEED invitations in this age of email and whatsapp? Do we NEED a four-course meal preceded by a smorgasbord? Do we NEED a band? Why not hire a bunch of ladies with tambourines?

Can't we just have simple joy without needing to put on a show?

I think that most of us agree that weddings in our communities are out of control in terms of extravagance. And while you are definitely correct that the biggest expenses are the hall and catering, fancy gowns are an unnecessary expense placed on the entire family.
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chanatron1000




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Sep 01 2020, 5:17 pm
I hate color schemes because it means that some people are stuck in a color they look terrible wearing. And it makes people buy or rent a dress for the occasion, when otherwise, they would be able to re-wear.
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amother




Oak
 

Post  Tue, Sep 01 2020, 5:32 pm
I hate that weddings are a show. People don't look like themselves - and not necessarily in a good way. Thankfully our recent kallah asked for black and white color scheme, which meant everyone was able to find something reusable for other simchos, if they chose to buy.

The gowns are ridiculously expensive. Buying costs a fortune, and who knows if/when you'll need such an over-the-top piece of clothing again while still a similar size? You'll be pregnant by the next chasuna and by the one after that you'll hate the out-of-fashion klutz in your closet. Rentals are ridiculous, too, starting close to 1k in Brooklyn!

I love my siblings dearly but I always joke that marrying them all off totals the equivalent of a down payment.
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