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Can we please stop with the color schemes?
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imorethanamother




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Sep 01 2020, 5:57 pm
amother [ Slateblue ] wrote:
FYI, the lion's share of the cost of a wedding is the catering, not the clothing. And while you're ranting about gowns, how about videos? Who really needs a video of the wedding? Still shots aren't enough, you NEED to see Cousin Baila trip over her shoes again and again and again? how about the liquor? Do we NEED to provide Uncle Shikker and the Dipso twins the means with which to get smashed at the party and G-d forbid get smashed, literally, on the highway home? And does anyone NEED flowers that will wilt in a few hours and be thrown out after a few days? Does anyone NEED invitations in this age of email and whatsapp? Do we NEED a four-course meal preceded by a smorgasbord? Do we NEED a band? Why not hire a bunch of ladies with tambourines?

Can't we just have simple joy without needing to put on a show?


This was super entertaining. I'd love to be a part of the Tambourine Band. We could call ourselves Miriam's Music Makers.

And we didn't have any liquor at my wedding, so Uncle Shikkur brought his own flask.
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amother




Tangerine
 

Post  Tue, Sep 01 2020, 7:06 pm
At my wedding, I did a color scheme called "pastels." So one sister wore pink, another lavender, and a few light blue. It looked gorgeous in pictures! Jewel tones, primary colors, metallics, would also be a really pretty color scheme.

We all got from Gemachs, $75 each. Everyone looked really nice!

I do enjoy dressing up in a gown for a wedding. It makes it feel so much more special, like putting on Shabbos clothes makes you feel Shabbosdik.

But I don't see any need to buy a gown, borrow or use a Gemach! If more people used Gemachs, there would be more gowns there and we'd all benefit.
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miami85




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Sep 01 2020, 7:14 pm
Im not really sure that it really makes such a big difference. I've been a young aunt at my nieces and nephews weddings and I'm not really going to friends' wedding at this stage of my life and between different seasons/pregnant/nursing/postpartum and my size going up and down, most of the time I've found it simplest to order something from LightintheBox or something like that because finding an "outfit" would cost me upwards of $200--that there's no guarantee that I'd be able to just "reuse the outfit" but I've gotten an-almost-gown from them for usually under that.

My siblings got married in the era of corsages and boutonnieres--that's how you identified the baalei simcha, but then came the era with "minimal flowers" so I'm guessing that's how gown gemachs got started.

I happen to like color schemes because it makes the picture more organized and pleasing to the eye. It definitely works better when there are fewer people, but yea I hear it can get complicated for like the bubby who wants to look good but finding a suitable gown that is comfortable when they can't schlep around its hard.
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amother




Chocolate
 

Post  Tue, Sep 01 2020, 7:22 pm
I'm curious- how much does it cost to get a gown from a gemach?
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Raw




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Sep 01 2020, 7:31 pm
When I’m forced to wear a gown I always feel like I’m just missing the curtain rod.
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Ema of 4




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Sep 01 2020, 7:33 pm
israelimom wrote:
It's ridiculous already. And gowns. Who needs to be in a gown except for the bride?
A huge added expense. Dresses that get worn once. A fairly new custom entirely rooted in modern Western civilization's inclination towards pageantry and excess.
Can't we just have simple joy without needing to put on a show with elaborate costumes?

I really dislike posts like this, dictating how OTHER people should spend their OWN money on THEIR Simcha. If you don’t like it, don’t do it. But I shouldn’t do it because you don’t like it? How does that make sense? I will celebrate my Simcha how I want to and you can celebrate yours how you want.
I happen to think it looks prettier when everyone involved in the Simcha (mom, siblings, in law sons, etc) coordinate colors. My kids are spread out, so they will be getting new for each Simcha anyway. Either we will rent or buy, depending on the Simcha, and the budget at that time. I am making a bar mitzvah on Sunday. I am wearing a black and white shirt with a white skirt. One daughter is wearing a black with gold splatter skirt, a white shirt, and a white with gold sequins sleeveless top. My other daughter is wearing a white with gold splatter skirt, and a black sparkly shirt. My husband and boys will be wearing suits.
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Ema of 4




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Sep 01 2020, 7:43 pm
amother [ Cerulean ] wrote:
They cost extra because you have to buy a new one at each occasion.

You don’t have to buy. You can rent from a gemach.
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amother




Oak
 

Post  Tue, Sep 01 2020, 7:47 pm
Ema of 4 wrote:
You don’t have to buy. You can rent from a gemach.


If you're lucky.

Somehow, anyone more than a size 8 needs a lot of mazel to find anything appropriate.

Rentals are crazy expensive.
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shabbatiscoming




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Sep 02 2020, 3:39 am
OP, by your screen name I want to assume you are in Israel. Is that the case?
If so, then color schemes and all of that is not done as much in the dati leumi world. It is dont way more in the charedi world.
My siblings are all married. I think one did a color scheme but let us all pick our shade of that color. We always got dresses from gemachs. Nobody has to spend trillions or dollars or shekels on gowns. And if the expense is too much, you let the bride know and see what can be done.

I do agree though that gowns for the family of the bride and groom have become over the top and what the heck does one do with these owns after they are worn to the wedding they are bought/made for? I have 3 dresses that sit in the back of my closet and I have nothing to do with them. Its actually insane.
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Raisin




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Sep 02 2020, 3:54 am
I agree rigid colour schemes are ridiculous unless the baal simcha is prepared to pay for all the dresses. Once people are paying for their own outfits I don't think it is fair to impose a colour scheme. Most of my family or inlaw weddings there have been no colour schemes. One niece asked that people wear blue, black or another colour I don't remember. I already had a blue dress so that was fine.

But as for gowns, I think it's pretty easy to find inexpensive gowns (tznius or easy to fix) nowadays on so many websites that ship internationally. In the last few years I have also found really cheap beautiful gowns in department stores or online. Often sleeveless and low necked but I wear with a bolero and shell and it's fine. I paid about €30 recently for one.

I actually get invited to a lot of weddings where the dress code is black tie for all the guests, so the dress I bought for my sister or nephews wedding gets used again.
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LovesHashem




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Sep 02 2020, 4:10 am
Gemachs for gowns.
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Ema of 4




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Sep 02 2020, 6:57 am
Raisin wrote:
I agree rigid colour schemes are ridiculous unless the baal simcha is prepared to pay for all the dresses. Once people are paying for their own outfits I don't think it is fair to impose a colour scheme. Most of my family or inlaw weddings there have been no colour schemes. One niece asked that people wear blue, black or another colour I don't remember. I already had a blue dress so that was fine.

But as for gowns, I think it's pretty easy to find inexpensive gowns (tznius or easy to fix) nowadays on so many websites that ship internationally. In the last few years I have also found really cheap beautiful gowns in department stores or online. Often sleeveless and low necked but I wear with a bolero and shell and it's fine. I paid about €30 recently for one.

I actually get invited to a lot of weddings where the dress code is black tie for all the guests, so the dress I bought for my sister or nephews wedding gets used again.

Is it a thing for non- immediate family to match the color scheme? That I’ve never seen. I’ve only seen moms, sisters, sisters in law, and nieces.
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amother




Natural
 

Post  Wed, Sep 02 2020, 7:26 am
israelimom wrote:
Color schemes cost extra if the color of the wedding isn't one you would ever wear outside of a color "obligation." Gowns have become this over-the-top socially-mandated but totally frivolous requirement -- it's time to roll back the clock and reconnect with the simple joy of celebrating a new marriage. I guess this was prompted by recent threads on the huge expenses that weddings entail beyond the cost of the venue/catering (like paying for gowns/makeup for the matching wedding party)

Personally I am short and petite and look ridiculous in gowns (honestly they are only really flattering on taller people, but I guess when that's the accepted look most people don't even think about whether or not that length is truly flattering).
I've worn lovely tea length or knee length very dressy dresses to sibs' weddings. Never once did anyone look askance and actually received many compliments. In regards to color schemes they can be nice but not if it puts a huge pressure to find something of a specific hue. That's aside from the cost!
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Raisin




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Sep 02 2020, 7:42 am
Ema of 4 wrote:
Is it a thing for non- immediate family to match the color scheme? That I’ve never seen. I’ve only seen moms, sisters, sisters in law, and nieces.


I dunno, she asked. My kids were also her bridesmaids (she is the oldest cousin and no little sisters and they are almost like sisters rather then cousins) and she also wanted them to match.
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amother




Honeydew
 

Post  Wed, Sep 02 2020, 7:45 am
Many people either choose a color to coordinate or choose a range of colors like "shades of pink" or two colors that blend well and the like. No one is making every one wear the same style as is typical in the secular world.
AS poster said upthread "live and let live".
If you do not want to do a color scheme for your own weddings then don't. Problem solved.

Agree with ema

Also bubbies and mommies do not have to match.
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Ruchel




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Sep 02 2020, 7:46 am
Gown except kalla and MAYBE closest family is a faux pas
Color schemes sure as long as you don't ask anyone to wear it
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amother




Forestgreen
 

Post  Wed, Sep 02 2020, 9:22 am
My wedding was tiny - immediate family and aunts and uncles, and I still wanted immediate family in gowns. It makes the event feel like more than an elaborate party. I agree that it's unnecessary for vorts, bar mitzvahs, etc.
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Good Friend




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Sep 02 2020, 9:33 am
shabbatiscoming wrote:
I have 3 dresses that sit in the back of my closet and I have nothing to do with them. Its actually insane.


Donate them to a gemach. Wink
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Chayalle




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Sep 02 2020, 9:34 am
shabbatiscoming wrote:
OP, by your screen name I want to assume you are in Israel. Is that the case?
If so, then color schemes and all of that is not done as much in the dati leumi world. It is dont way more in the charedi world.
My siblings are all married. I think one did a color scheme but let us all pick our shade of that color. We always got dresses from gemachs. Nobody has to spend trillions or dollars or shekels on gowns. And if the expense is too much, you let the bride know and see what can be done.

I do agree though that gowns for the family of the bride and groom have become over the top and what the heck does one do with these owns after they are worn to the wedding they are bought/made for? I have 3 dresses that sit in the back of my closet and I have nothing to do with them. Its actually insane.


they get donated to a g'mach of course.

I happen to have a beautiful gown that I bought (for under $100 at a fabulous sale) and wore to two siblings' weddings (it is a silvery color with black lace overlay, and worked well with whatever color schemes, etc.....) I am no longer that thin and likely won't ever be (not even in my dreams), so I took it in a bit more, and with a few minor alterations (that I did myself), it now fits my teen DD beautifully, and she wears it to cousins' weddings. Looks gorgeous on her, repurposed!

I bought a gown for my oldest DD off someone else who had it custom made. She wore it to several weddings, including my sister's, my nieces', etc....and feels she has outgrown it. I'm thinking that with a few alterations I will soon make it work for my youngest DD (I'll wait till she's in high school). It's wine colored, and a very classic, beautiful style.
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bigsis144




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Sep 02 2020, 9:36 am
The gown color schemes for me and my sisters (there are 4 of us, BH!) was “whatever you find in gemachs that would look nice together; whoever finds something first sets the tone for everyone else”.

So when I got married, it was “shades of autumn” - my sisters wore bronze, copper and burgundy. I wanted orange “sunset” roses for my bouquet anyway, so it worked great!

For sisters #2 and #3 who got married 8 months apart, we wore “metallics”. I found a great silver gown at a gemach in Chicago that I wore twice. My other sisters wore different gowns because the gemachs in Los Angeles were different than those in Israel, but silver/gray/pearl wasn’t too hard to find.

For sister #4, my other sister was trying on gowns at a gemach in Far Rockaway and found something she thought would look good on me
and matched the gowns she and another sister had found. The gemach owner kindly let me put a deposit on it and bring it to me in Maryland when my sister came to stay with me for Pesach. So for that wedding we wore pink/champagne.
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