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Can we please stop with the color schemes?
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naturalmom5




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Sep 02 2020, 9:38 am
SixOfWands wrote:
Of course they cost extra, because if your sister chooses gray, and your sister in law blue, you need 2 gowns you'll never wear again.

And I despise gowns.


So wear jeans and sneakers
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naturalmom5




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Sep 02 2020, 9:44 am
amother [ Slateblue ] wrote:
FYI, the lion's share of the cost of a wedding is the catering, not the clothing. And while you're ranting about gowns, how about videos? Who really needs a video of the wedding? Still shots aren't enough, you NEED to see Cousin Baila trip over her shoes again and again and again? how about the liquor? Do we NEED to provide Uncle Shikker and the Dipso twins the means with which to get smashed at the party and G-d forbid get smashed, literally, on the highway home? And does anyone NEED flowers that will wilt in a few hours and be thrown out after a few days? Does anyone NEED invitations in this age of email and whatsapp? Do we NEED a four-course meal preceded by a smorgasbord? Do we NEED a band? Why not hire a bunch of ladies with tambourines?

Can't we just have simple joy without needing to put on a show?


Precisely...lets just have the Rabbi and 10 people comprised mostly of poor people who need the meal or they will go hungry in some dilapidated restaurant on Delancey st.
The Rabbi performs the wedding and sheva brochos for the couple and a couple dances for an hour.
Then the happy couple moves into a room in their parents apt on Broome st until they can afford their own place..
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lamplighter




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Sep 02 2020, 10:03 am
Sibling weddings are expensive.
I find color schemes to look beautiful but it does limit the options.
I personally have only once worn a gown twice (weddings were 2 months apart) every other time I was a different size. For people who can rewear gowns a color scheme is more frustrating.
The one time I really was not happy with the color scheme was when it was changed on us. First it was a summer color (for a winter wedding) bc the kallah loved the color. Then it switched to navy bc the kallahs mother and sisters couldn't find anything they were happy with. I ended up switching because I looked ridiculous in the summer color and was doing it to do the "right thing" and the navy was way more flattering. But that was an annoying waste if time and money.

Dunno where y'all live but gemachs here cost you $150. Not including alterations. Or cleaning.
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Colorpop




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Sep 02 2020, 10:31 am
Color schemes add a lot to a Simcha, and give a certain sense of festivity and prestige to the Baalei Simcha.
However, it might be unfair to ask people to dress within the scheme is if many of those being asked live in communities without a Gemach.
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Ruchel




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Sep 02 2020, 10:38 am
I would never buy a new dress just for a simcha unless close family. And if the color is ugly or doesn't fit me I'm not wearing it.
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happinessseeker




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Sep 02 2020, 11:07 am
I never understand these kinds of threads (or thought processes). If you don’t want to, then don’t wear gowns or do a color Scheme for the weddings you make. Why do you need the rest of the world to stop first?
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amother




Purple
 

Post  Wed, Sep 02 2020, 11:46 am
I've only gotten gowns in gemachs - they were between $75 and $150 plus cleaning and alterations.

Then again, I've been in different size ranges for different chasunas so not sure how much reuse I would get anyway.
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happyone




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Sep 02 2020, 12:00 pm
I love gowns for close family members. Color schemes just make the event and pictures look better not necessarily add expense.
I have a bigger issue with over the top flowers that get tossed that night of the affair.
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ChossidMom




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Sep 02 2020, 12:37 pm
I agree wholeheartedly with the OP and others who find that wearing elaborate gowns is just plain wrong. No, I will not tell YOU how to make your simcha but I am allowed to complain against something which affects everyone by raising the bar and making it THE thing to do, causing my children to aspire to these levels as well. Don't pretend you don't know about peer pressure.

Here's my opinion: I think women should wear a pretty dress. Not necessarily a ball gown. And I don't care how much you paid for it at a gemach. If it looks like a ball gown - this is not what yiddishkeit is about. And it is true - the Charedi weddings (probably the Chassidish ones) go all out with this stuff. Dati Leumi often have much simpler and down to earth clothing at weddings. My husband once called it Avoda Zara and I have a tendency to agree. Oh, everyone in the western world is wearing ball gowns? Let's wear those. Oh, chiffon, flowy gowns are "in" now? Let's wear that.

I think it's ludicrous to expect people to wear the same color, and yeah - it does look nicer in pictures. But a wedding is about a Yiddishe couple getting married and not about good shots for the album. You don't have to agree with me, but it's not about posing for this and for that. Take studio pictures, if it's important to you but don't tell yourself that the wedding album is what it's all about. When too much emphasis gets placed on how everything looks - Jewish values are twisted.
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sky




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Sep 02 2020, 12:49 pm
Color schemes affects how much a gown costs.
If I can get any color I’ll pick a gown from a Gemach that fits and that’s it. There is no guarantee they will have a specific color.
If I need a specific color there are many less options and I may need to get from a rental that averages $150-300 more then a Gemach.
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SuperWify




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Sep 02 2020, 12:53 pm
We generally make or buy our own gown and then sell them after.
For my last wedding I bought a gorgeous gown from someone who had it custom made for $400 (it was worn once before). Alterations and cleaning cost $100.
I sold it immediately after for $400.
Total cost: $100
For my next wedding I’m borrowing a gown actually. Just need cleaning and alterations.
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byisrael




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Sep 02 2020, 1:08 pm
I have a lot of Dat Leumi Family and have attended many weddings for the and co workers in Israel. Most of the Dati Leumi Weddings I have been to where very fancy affairs in beautiful ganei iruim / halls - it is true that the clothing was simpler style but I don't think they spent less then the gmach gowns I used for 200 nis. There was one affair that was very simple in a hitnachalut - but that is not reflective of the majority of DL affairs

For charedi Israeli's who do very very simple affairs having the wedding party wear matching gowns make the event feel much more special for not much more then a regular dress. There are bigger expenses to gripe about.

My wedding cost breakdown (using the 3.5 nis to dollar exchange rate 5 years ago):
22$ pp x 300 guests (min. required) = 6,857 $
1,000$ for photographer and video
1,500$ music,
These costs where split down the middle so 4,678$ per side

Our sides additional clothing costs where
400$ hair + makeup for me, sis, mom (includes getting sheitals done)
1,500 $ for gowns, suits, hats, shirts, shoes - all the boy stuff was needed anyways.
100$ was spent on gowns for mom and sis. In the scheme of the wedding expenses it is marginal
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Rappel




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Sep 02 2020, 1:20 pm
byisrael wrote:
I have a lot of Dat Leumi Family and have attended many weddings for the and co workers in Israel. Most of the Dati Leumi Weddings I have been to where very fancy affairs in beautiful ganei iruim / halls - it is true that the clothing was simpler style but I don't think they spent less then the gmach gowns I used for 200 nis. There was one affair that was very simple in a hitnachalut - but that is not reflective of the majority of DL affairs



I'm willing to bet that the majority of those flashy weddings were by Americans/olim. True?

My experience of DL weddings is very different. Beautiful, because many were partially outdoors and you just can't beat a pretty garden, but by no means expensive.
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ChossidMom




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Sep 02 2020, 1:23 pm
Rappel wrote:
I'm willing to bet that the majority of those flashy weddings were by Americans/olim. True?

My experience of DL weddings is very different. Beautiful, because many were partially outdoors and you just can't beat a pretty garden, but by no means expensive.


Actually, no.
DL weddings are in very nice halls or "ganei Eruim" (beautiful and expensive halls with gardens), with alot of people and a really nice smorg. This is my experience. Not with American olim. The dresses are simpler but the vast amounts of money spent - whoa. But the way it works with them is that each guest is expected to bring a fat check, which usually covers the wedding.
At Charedi weddings either no gift or a very cheap one is usually given. In Israel, that is.
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Ruchel




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Sep 02 2020, 2:28 pm
My dati cousins are mostly simple with the exception of lite, posh dati
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naturalmom5




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Sep 02 2020, 2:47 pm
ChossidMom wrote:
Actually, no.
DL weddings are in very nice halls or "ganei Eruim" (beautiful and expensive halls with gardens), with alot of people and a really nice smorg. This is my experience. Not with American olim. The dresses are simpler but the vast amounts of money spent - whoa. But the way it works with them is that each guest is expected to bring a fat check, which usually covers the wedding.
At Charedi weddings either no gift or a very cheap one is usually given. In Israel, that is.


Oh yeah..
CM...do you remember the long hostile Freidasima
" cover your plate" threads
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rachel6543




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Sep 02 2020, 3:00 pm
At my wedding we did an “optional” color scheme. My side did more of a “blue” & and my husband’s side ended up with a different color scheme (more by chance What the final color worked out to be). My bridesmaids got dresses for free or practically for free from a local gemacht.

I was up front that colors were not mandatory, just use whatever you already have you in Your wardrobe or can borrow or get on sale. I didn’t want people to spend extra. Most of my family was able to find something they already owned to wear.

My wedding was beautiful, the pictures were lovely and everyone had a wonderful time. And no one had to spend crazy $ on clothing (unless they of course chose to).
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amother




Taupe
 

Post  Wed, Sep 02 2020, 3:08 pm
byisrael wrote:
I have a lot of Dat Leumi Family and have attended many weddings for the and co workers in Israel. Most of the Dati Leumi Weddings I have been to where very fancy affairs in beautiful ganei iruim / halls - it is true that the clothing was simpler style but I don't think they spent less then the gmach gowns I used for 200 nis. There was one affair that was very simple in a hitnachalut - but that is not reflective of the majority of DL affairs

For charedi Israeli's who do very very simple affairs having the wedding party wear matching gowns make the event feel much more special for not much more then a regular dress. There are bigger expenses to gripe about.

My wedding cost breakdown (using the 3.5 nis to dollar exchange rate 5 years ago):
22$ pp x 300 guests (min. required) = 6,857 $
1,000$ for photographer and video
1,500$ music,
These costs where split down the middle so 4,678$ per side

Our sides additional clothing costs where
400$ hair + makeup for me, sis, mom (includes getting sheitals done)
1,500 $ for gowns, suits, hats, shirts, shoes - all the boy stuff was needed anyways.
100$ was spent on gowns for mom and sis. In the scheme of the wedding expenses it is marginal


In America many ppl spend above $400 to rent a gown. (Rentals for sister and mother of bride range $250-600 and up). So if there are a few sisters and nieces that cost can balloon quickly.
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imanonymous




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Sep 02 2020, 9:20 pm
We did not have a color scheme at my wedding. My mother-in-law and sisters-in-law apparently got the message that there was a rough color scheme (3 different colors), but it wasn't really meant to be that way. We wanted everyone to get something affordable without too much hassle. B'H it worked out.

I think color schemes are fun and look nice in pictures, but it's not fair to foist that on someone who can't afford it or doesn't have the time or inclination (or has a difficult time finding something for one reason or another).
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amother




Oak
 

Post  Wed, Sep 02 2020, 11:29 pm
Okay, I need phone numbers to these gemachim.

Rentals started at close to $1000 in Brooklyn.

What is everyone TALKING about with $150 gemach rentals for adult women? That's how much it cost me to rent gowns for my 6 and 7 year old DDs.

And a department store or online dress rarely works for chassidish wedding tznius standards without intense alterations that cost more than the dress.
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