School separated twin, do I need to worry?

amother

Tue, Sep 01 2020, 10:50 pm

Just got class lists for my kids and my twins were put in two different classes. I'm so nervous for them as they are attached at the hip and have never been separated from one another. They literally refer to themselves as both their names combined, that's how much they're attached to each other. They just turned 3 and are in nursery. I'm freaking out how they'll handle this major change. Anyone have experience with this?

amother

Puce

Tue, Sep 01 2020, 10:53 pm

I mean I don't have twins so maybe I shouldn't be posting but my daughter is around the same age and in her last two year old class she was with two sets of twins, and my sibling in law also has a set of twins together . It seems that twins are together unless mother requests otherwise or it's discussed. Surprised they seperated without speaking to you about it first...it is a big deal to decide to seperated/not seperate. If you feel they aren't ready maybe call up school and tell them how you feel and see if they can be put in same class ?

amother

Indigo

Tue, Sep 01 2020, 10:55 pm

They might have done it on purpose, to help them become more independent and find their individuality.

I would be upset at the school doing it without consulting me, honestly. And I think that this is kind of young to be doing it.

My twins were together until midway through 4th grade, when one of them became too impatient with the class pace and switched to a parallel class (the other twin wanted to just stay with their friends).

I'd rather wait until they want to or are willing to be separate, not force it when they're still very much reliant on each other.

amother

Tue, Sep 01 2020, 11:00 pm

amother [ Indigo ] wrote:

I'm wondering if the fact that the school only has more than one class until 1st grade made a difference in the decision to separate them. Once they're in 1st grade theres only one boys class per grade. So there's really no option to wait till they're older unless they waited till next year which I would have preferred.

TwinsMommy

Tue, Sep 01 2020, 11:11 pm

what's interesting in my case is that past preschool if I wanted them separate (and I did) I had to put them in separate schools (so I did). They haven't been in the same school since preschool.

Both have special needs and the elementary schools each only have one class for the mainstreamable kids with special needs--- so my kids would have been together and I knew I DIDN'T want that.

Twin moms know--- either you WANT them together or you DON'T. In any case, school should listen to what you believe is best.

MiracleMama

Tue, Sep 01 2020, 11:14 pm

Best thing that ever happened to my twins was finally separating them for 2nd grade, when they switched to a school large enough to make it happen. So much healthier for their development.

amother

Bisque

Tue, Sep 01 2020, 11:14 pm

I had twins in my class and they were way too powerful. They controlled the class. It didn’t help that their sisters taught us for 3 years throughout elementary.
It was a disaster for the rest of the class.

amother

Tue, Sep 01 2020, 11:16 pm

MiracleMama wrote:

Best thing that ever happened to my twins was finally separating them for 2nd grade, when they switched to a school large enough to make it happen. So much healthier for their development.

So would you say looking back that separating them so young might be a good thing?

lucky14

Tue, Sep 01 2020, 11:16 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I'm confused- so they will be back together in first grade?

Anyway you should for sure call the school and ask their reasoning. Is there any harm in doing that?

amother

Tue, Sep 01 2020, 11:19 pm

lucky14 wrote:

I'm confused- so they will be back together in first grade?

Anyway you should for sure call the school and ask their reasoning. Is there any harm in doing that?

Yes back together in 1st thru 8th. The school has boys and girls together for nursery, pre k, and kindergarten. Then one boys class and one girls class per grade.

amother

Olive

Tue, Sep 01 2020, 11:27 pm

My twins are also starting nursery now. The principal is very against having them in the same class. Their playgroup teacher couldnt tell them apart. I also want them to be independent of each other. They will still be on the bus together and in the school building together.

I spoke to someone that is a twin that was separated going into elementary. She was resentful for a long time that she was taken out of social circle and put into the other class .at the end of the day ther is really no right or wrong.

amother

Mustard

Tue, Sep 01 2020, 11:36 pm

My kids' school separated my twins for kindergarten. It was the healthiest thing I could do for them although at that time I was basically forced to separate them due to school policy.

My kids were very dependent on each other and this gave them the opportunity to develop their individuality.

MiracleMama

Tue, Sep 01 2020, 11:45 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

So would you say looking back that separating them so young might be a good thing?

Yes, I wish I could have done it sooner. I see it's so hard for them, people always call them "the twins" and lump them together. There were so many times there were tears because they were sharing the same pool of friends and one twin would get very close to a classmate and the before you know it I hear, "she stole my friend!" Academically it's so competitive too. Always being compared to each other. They deserve to have their own identity, to be seen as singular and not part of a set. I really do think the sooner they are apart in school, the better.

amother

Copper

Tue, Sep 01 2020, 11:51 pm

I taught two identical girls (not twins, they were from a larger set of multiples).
Their mother wished they would be separated, but there was no other class.

They were both at the same academic level, so it felt like giving the same grades (almost identical), had similar personalities... But if they were in different classes they wouldn't have been subconsciously lumped together by teachers and peers. They would have been able to have their own friends and be their own people.

amother

Olive

Wed, Sep 02 2020, 12:01 am

MiracleMama wrote:

They will always be called "the twins" and u will always be the mother of the twins..but at least to their friends they will have a name and not always be like magnets to each other.

amother

Tan

Wed, Sep 02 2020, 12:12 am

My Twin brothers where separated for 1 to 3rd grade and then switched to a school with only one class.
They are identical in looks, very similar personality and interest, where called the twins by everyone and they had many friends.
Later they went to college for the same thing and had a few classes together. Teachers could not tell them apart.
They work in very similar fields and want to open a business together. They have a built in friend for life.
At the same time they are different and each made their lives, married very different girls and have their own outlook.
But through life they always had a close companion, I think nursery is young for close twins to be separated

Kiwi13

Wed, Sep 02 2020, 12:15 am

Twins usually do better in separate classes. Less competition, less potential for "twin speak" and other autonomy issues if one/both depend too much on the other. They get to be their own people and learn the ropes, shine in their own way.

Signed, sister of twins and mother of twins and cousin of twins, and so on.... ;-)

ETA: Usually the school discusses the pros/cons with the parents first. If you're concerned, speak up!

amother

Saddlebrown

Wed, Sep 02 2020, 1:00 am

Im a twin. If I ever have twins I would never put them together. Twins need to be treated as individuals and be given a chance to make their own friends, develop their own personalities, and establish their own identities. At some point it may be too late, so starting young, although it may be tough, can set the grounds for them to self discover and strengthen their identities. Speaking from experience.