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What can frum people do?
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amother
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Post Thu, Sep 10 2020, 12:49 pm
amother [ Aubergine ] wrote:
What's your point? Supposedly if you got married at 31 you should have all your finances in order.

What is *your* point? People have different things going on their lives and just because you assume someone in a certain stage has a certain financial reality doesn't mean it is so. Your post is rude and judgmental.
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#BestBubby




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 10 2020, 1:04 pm
LittleDucky wrote:
So you are stuck with your current circumstances. For now only. Take a good hard look at the full picture. What do you spend on? What is fixed, what can be decreased/flexible? What is mandatory and how much of it is mandatory? What is not literally required?
Then you see how much is required for those mandatory fixed needs. Then look at the flexible ones- food is required but how much? Lattes aren't needs but water and filling/nutritious food are. And no, you don't need chicken or meat at every dinner.
What is not mandatory- get rid of. Find a cheaper alternative if possible (get 1 week old magazines from a neighbor!). You don't need bottled water unless you lived in Flint Michigan. But if you must- buy a Brita filter water bottle and refill from the tap! Or get one of those generic "I love camp!" Or other giveaway bottle and fill at home!

Medications you need are mandatory but sometimes shopping around (generics, other pharmacies can have lower copays) can save you money. Companies sometimes have deals on the name brand one, ask your doctor if your med has a copay assistance program. Some have no income limits. Or if there is a less expensive option that will meet your needs.

Housing- you must live somewhere but do you need the 7br 4 bath house (plus office, playroom, pool, eat in gourmet kitchen...) ? I am generalizing here- if you have 10 kids you can't live in a 2BR apartment. But maybe you can live a few blocks over where housing is a bit less? Or move to another frum but smaller city (but take into account what you "lose"- do you have greater taxes, costs for a second car, have to pay lots for special Ed services you got for free in NY? Do you lose your free babysitter by moving away from parents?).

Clothing- do you need it or want it? How many pairs of shoes does your teenager really need? Will her friends stop liking her if she has 4 and not 5 pairs of shoes? Does your preschooler need shabbos shoes? Fancy shabbos outfits? Does the 4 year old need a suit? Yes it is so cute and it's good to teach kavod shabbos- but he will be on the playground and sneakers will do him much better and is safer. Or he will sit on floor playing with trucks in that expensive suit.

Only you can decide what is need vs want. And I don't mean to say that you have to drastically remove everything pleasurable. But expenses have to get down to levels where each day doesn't bring you more into debt. And once income goes up- start to save and add a few things back in as long as you aren't back in debt. And there are lots of free activities and items out there. People give away items all the time- barely used baby gear, toys, books, clothing....


One more thing: learn to coupon. It has saved us so much money over the years. Thousands each year. And not by using 50 cent coupons.ll but by stacking store coupons/sales with manufacturer ones you can get things for severe discounts or almost free. Or free- toothpaste is a classic one that there are deals about once a month or so at one or more national stores to get free toothpaste. Random but true! It is harder now during covid IME as chain stores aren't doing "stackable" deals, manufacturers aren't giving out as many coupons, online shopping makes it harder to use them (paper coupons aren't usually usable online and in the store we tend to just get what we need due to covid risk and leave instead of focusing on which coupon matches what item..). But once this is over and soap, toilet paper, cleaning supplies etc all go back to their normal sale cycle and coupons emerge again- learn how to do this! I don't pay for toothpaste, pay less than 50% on other toiletries, and save a lot at big box grocery stores. I can't decrease the price of a chicken so I work to save on other items.
we have had good time and worse times (may we get to the good times soon again!!) and keeping these things in mind has helped.


Thanks for sharing these tips!
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southernbubby




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 10 2020, 1:19 pm
Because for me, being frum was a choice, every time that I wanted something that I couldn't afford, I reminded myself that I chose this life with the larger family than I would have otherwise had and all of the religious expenses that went with it. Nobody forced me to buy an esrog or give mushloach manos to dozens of people or to buy my son's Rashi and Rabbeinu Tams tefillin. I could have remained non frum and had money for the fun stuff but I chose this instead.
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zaq




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 10 2020, 2:41 pm
southernbubby wrote:
Because for me, being frum was a choice, every time that I wanted something that I couldn't afford, I reminded myself that I chose this life with the larger family than I would have otherwise had and all of the religious expenses that went with it. Nobody forced me to buy an esrog or give mushloach manos to dozens of people or to buy my son's Rashi and Rabbeinu Tams tefillin. I could have remained non frum and had money for the fun stuff but I chose this instead.


For that matter, you could have chosen to send MM to only half a dozen people and to buy your ds only one set of tefillin, and you would still have fulfilled the mitzvah.
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banana123




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 10 2020, 2:49 pm
amother [ Bisque ] wrote:
I agree. I went to college (paid for it myself, thankyouverymuch) and have a well paying career. Thankfully I married someone likeminded. We also live in Israel where it's not that much more expensive to be frum. My kids go to public school, I don't have to use my vacation days for Jewish holidays. You can pretty much live anywhere in the country, there are shuls and mikvahs everywhere. Kosher food everywhere. My kids know they will have to support themselves once they finish college.
ETA: one of my kids went to an expensive private school - it was 18,000 shekel a year (less than 5500). Think: the type of school which would charge at least $25,000 a year in the US.
Pre school is a few hundred shekel a year plus 500 shekel a year for tzaharon which includes lunch.
HS is around 6000 shekel.

But you were living on an Israeli salary, in shekels, so presumably it was just as tough as it would have been had you been living on an American salary, in dollars.
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professor




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 10 2020, 2:56 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
The longer I'm married, older I get and the larger my family gets, the more shocking frum expenses are.
I am BT and it was so much easier to save money or cut things out when there weren't all these religious and cultural expenses.
We have to live in a frum community with schools, kosher, mikvah.
We have tuition to pay for each child.
We are encouraged to have large families.
Tznius clothing for myself and my girls are expensive (even if we shop sales and not in BP $150 dresses).
CY, PY, drive food prices up.
All the yomim tovim and their expenses.
Uniforms that are frum store specific.
Yeshiva, Seminary.

I keep hearing from friends oh but secular/non Jews spend on other things.

I don't agree.

I think we need to cut somewhere to survive. Where can frum people cut in their expenses to make up for all these additional costs?


Money comes, money goes. Just be healthy and trust Hashem
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PinkFridge




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 10 2020, 3:46 pm
zaq wrote:
For that matter, you could have chosen to send MM to only half a dozen people and to buy your ds only one set of tefillin, and you would still have fulfilled the mitzvah.


Not an option for Chabad.
I won't address mm obligations.
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