Is a useful item not a gift?

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> School age children

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amother

Wed, Sep 02 2020, 2:41 pm

I want to get my child a cute pair of character slippers as a gift. dh says something useful isn't a gift for a kid, it has to be a toy or game (yea, those are also useful but different).
what do you think?

FranticFrummie

Wed, Sep 02 2020, 2:45 pm

If your intention was to treat your child, then it was a gift. If your child is happy with them, then it's a gift.

Toys and games are useful too, because they provide entertainment.

Is your husband from a different culture? Some cultures have very specific ideas around gift giving. Japan has it down to an unbelievably complicated system, and everything has to be calculated very carefully.

In other cultures, if you didn't have something before, and now you do, then it's a gift! Smile and be grateful.

yiddishmom

Wed, Sep 02 2020, 2:45 pm

I think it's a gift!

Blessing1

Wed, Sep 02 2020, 2:46 pm

Any extra you're getting as a treat and you wouldn't normally buy, is a gift.

allthingsblue

Wed, Sep 02 2020, 2:52 pm

My kids would consider that a gift.

Amarante

Wed, Sep 02 2020, 3:08 pm

Clothing isn’t a gift except for teenage girls and even then, it’s only a gift if it is something they desperately want and would otherwise not get.

Slippers however cute are not a gift because you would have gotten the child slippers in the normal course of outfitting.

Of course it depends on circumstances. If you bring it home as a surprise and it’s a character they love, that’s a nice treat. If it’s for a birthday or other gift occasion, then It’s nit a gift that will be appreciated unless it’s one of several gifts.

drlshaffer

Wed, Sep 02 2020, 3:11 pm

For the most part, if there is something special about the gift (ie you mentioned the CHARACTER slippers - not just any old slippers) IMHO it counts as a gift

Blessing1

Wed, Sep 02 2020, 3:19 pm

Amarante wrote:

This depends on how spoiled the child is. My kids were begging me for a nightgown (they only had pj's.) We made a chart and they had to work towards it. They were so excited when they finally got it. For them it's a gift. Cute character slippers can definitely be a birthday gift.

amother

Red

Wed, Sep 02 2020, 3:30 pm

As above. It depends on how both how spoiled the child is and whether the child needs it. If they have ugly slippers that are absolutely fine and nobody else is getting slippers than it is a gift. If everyone is getting or theirs doesn't fit/one is missing, than no.

I have extremely spoiled children and gift giving is impossible. They are appreciative of everything that have and always say thank you and are menches, but I have a bday coming up and no ideas and nothing to give because anything I would give them I already gave. And any else I am not interested in them having or I think is a waste.
Trouble of my own making. I am well aware.

Now watch me get bashed for gifting my children.

amother

cornflower

Wed, Sep 02 2020, 3:35 pm

I agree with everyone that if the child will be happy, it's a gift.
But now you have some insight into how your dh thinks, so make sure that his birthday gift is totally frivolous.

chanatron1000

Wed, Sep 02 2020, 3:58 pm

It really depends. Something useful and boring isn't a gift, especially things like basic food and clothing that you are required to provide for your child. A special version of something boring can be a gift (within reason). It also depends on the recipient; few people would appreciate a specially engraved toilet brush, but that doesn't matter if you're giving it to someone who would.

Amarante

Wed, Sep 02 2020, 4:08 pm

Blessing1 wrote:

Obviously families are different but I don't think a child is spoiled if they don't think a nightgown is a gift. Very Happy

OP's husband seems to also think that gifts are something that would not ordinarily be given. A child needs slippers so - at least to me - I would get them the slippers they would want - within reason. A child needs something to sleep in - so I would not give them a nightgown in lieu of something else. Why wouldn't a parent - again within reason - supply clothing or other supplies that the child wants or has some special appeal.

What is the occasion - as I posted there is an expectation that birthdays and for many people Hanukah are occasions for gifts. This is different than bringing home something fun or special for a child (or anyone) just because you thought of them.

It reminds me of when my friend called and asked whether I thought RAM for her child's computer was a good gift. LOL

That became a standing joke among my friend, me and her kids.

dankbar

Wed, Sep 02 2020, 4:17 pm

Different kids have different expectations. My kid wants a cake smashed into his face for his birthday & nothing else, because he never experienced that.😅

amother

Red

Wed, Sep 02 2020, 4:22 pm

Amarante wrote:

It reminds me of when my friend called and asked whether I thought RAM for her child's computer was a good gift. LOL

That became a standing joke among my friend, me and her kids.

Reminding me of the thread about who should pay for the filter on the 19 yo's laptop.

Stars

Wed, Sep 02 2020, 4:23 pm

My kids get excited for new crocs but I don’t present it as a gift. A favorite character though might be a gift. It’s all about how you present it. Neither way is good or bad.

silverlining3

Wed, Sep 02 2020, 4:25 pm

Only something that's useful is a gift. What do I have of things I get as a gift and is a waste? Lol
Now, there's all types of useful gifts. IMO, a useful thing that you won't normally buy is a gift. A specific character, I guess the one the child loves, falls into that category.

Blessing1

Wed, Sep 02 2020, 4:25 pm

Amarante wrote:

Obviously families are different but I don't think a child is spoiled if they don't think a nightgown is a gift. Very Happy

That became a standing joke among my friend, me and her kids.

I didn't imply that. My point is that anything can be a gift, even if it's useful.
They have plenty of pj's and I didn't think they're old enough for a nightgown but they were begging for it, so for them it's a special treat. My MIL buys all grandchildren matching pj's for yom tov. For us it's a gift because it's nice pj's that I wouldn't spend that amount on.

gila-rina

Wed, Sep 02 2020, 4:25 pm

How old is the child? I think the younger the less of a gift it will be perceived as

Rachel Shira

Wed, Sep 02 2020, 4:28 pm

gila-rina wrote:

How old is the child? I think the younger the less of a gift it will be perceived as

And I think the opposite. Young kids are generally very excited for anything new. I definitely think slippers are a gift.

SixOfWands

Wed, Sep 02 2020, 4:31 pm

FranticFrummie wrote:

This.

If your child needs slippers, and doesn't care what they look like, then I wouldn't consider character slippers much of a gift.

If it is something that your child wants, appreciates, and will enjoy, its a gift. Or a treat. Or whatever you want to call it.

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