Is a useful item not a gift?

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> School age children

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iyar

Wed, Sep 02 2020, 4:40 pm

When I saw the title I thought of dh buying me a new mop or ironing board for my birthday and I came here to answer NO. But cute slippers can definitely be a gift. Why not? Sometimes something that's useful can also be a great gift. Like a new car!

amother

Red

Wed, Sep 02 2020, 4:42 pm

Any ideas for my 17 yo's b-day?
She is not fancy and doesn't have needs. I buy her brands and did keritin to fit in, not because she begs for it.
We were school shopping and when she couldn't decide on a sweater because she liked both and I offered the second as a birthday present, she responded that she doesn't need 2 so it would just be a waste. (after the others I already offered/agreed to)
Not into jewelry, has a coach bag still from her bat-Mitzvah which she never used, has a mini Steve Madden knapsack but rarely goes anywhere and isn't interested in a new bag of any brand/sort.
Need ideas. I want to make her birthday special.

amother

Blush

Wed, Sep 02 2020, 4:47 pm

amother [ Red ] wrote:

Does she not have any interests at all?

What about some kind of interesting or exceptional experience. The most obvious is dinner at an elegant restaurant but perhaps there are other experience that might be of interest to her. A hot air balloon flight? A weekend in an interesting city with you?

amother

Denim

Wed, Sep 02 2020, 4:49 pm

amother [ Red ] wrote:

Books
A cooking utensil/small appliance (Particularly thinking of the Betty Crocker pizza maker so she can make her own easy meals if she doesn’t like the dinner you made. Super convenient)
A cozy blanket
Traveling mug
A camera
Room decor
Earrings
MP3 player
Good headphones

Rappel

Wed, Sep 02 2020, 4:49 pm

Amarante wrote:

It reminds me of when my friend called and asked whether I thought RAM for her child's computer was a good gift. LOL

That became a standing joke among my friend, me and her kids.

You'd be surprised.

My mum gave me a USB stick for my Chanukah gift in 10th grade.

It wasn't something I could brag about in my very posh high school. (There, usb sticks were just something daddy brought home from his business expo; it would have been like telling my classmates that mum had given me a roll of toilet paper.) But for me, I appreciated the fact that she had tried to show me love, and had tried to find me something I could use. Until I lost that key chain, that little 4 gig chip was where I kept everything personal, because it represented her love to me.

Once again - gifts have everything to do with the recipient's perception, and nothing to do with the actual item.

amother

Red

Wed, Sep 02 2020, 5:20 pm

amother [ Denim ] wrote:

Thank you for taking the time to respond and they are great ideas. She is just really difficult (she might get it from me-I apologize)

Books-she is not a reader-I practically bribe her to read.

Kitchen appliance-she is a good eater and eats what we have. Additionally she is the only kid home, so we cook what she likes and, she does 30-40% of the cooking, so it would be like getting me a crockpot for my birthday-gee thanks.

Cozy blanket -she absconded with the free DSW one which is delicious-best blanket ever.

Mug-absolutely no need-only drinks water and from disposable bottles. (My thing too)

I would love to get her a good camera and classes- no intest even though she takes amazing pictures.

Room decor was last year

Earrings-doesn't wear the ones she has -doesn't like to wear jewelry.

MP3/headphones. Has an iPhone and Beats -the Beats was from my parents last year because she didn't get anything for 2 year (birthday or Chanukah)because she couldn't pick anything and didn't know what she wanted and my parents kept asking and waiting for an answer (giving a card with a to be determined gift)

Yeah, she is not easy. I am equally difficult and hate Birthdays. I just want her to be happy and feel celebrated. (Dinner doesn't work either, my parents take us out/get backyard COVID takeout for any occasion they can invent-kids ending semester, going back to school, home from sleepaway, anyone making a siyum-it's really nice, but not special)

singleagain

Wed, Sep 02 2020, 5:32 pm

amother [ Red ] wrote:

Maybe gifts are not her love language.

Figure out what is and so something along that line.
Words: write her a letter/poem
Acts: help her out with something large/looming
Time: do something just with her
Touch: maybe a massage

Amarante

Wed, Sep 02 2020, 5:37 pm

Blessing1 wrote:

I didn't imply that. My point is that anything can be a gift, even if it's useful.
They have plenty of pj's and I didn't think they're old enough for a nightgown but they were begging for it, so for them it's a special treat. My MIL buys all grandchildren matching pj's for yom tov. For us it's a gift because it's nice pj's that I wouldn't spend that amount on.

Of course there are wonderful gifts that also happen to be useful.

It depends on the gift and the circumstance.

However, in general I wouldn’t call something a gift if it were something that I would have purchased for a child anyway. A nightgown can be special or a nightgown can be something that is pretending to be a gift. Very Happy

Gneshe

Wed, Sep 02 2020, 5:38 pm

My kids favorite Chanukah gift was a pair of pajamas. I was gonna get them anyway, so I presented it as a gift and they loved it. Go figure.

singleagain

Wed, Sep 02 2020, 5:49 pm

My dad always said that a gift was something that someone wanted but would not buy for themselves.

The other good ways to figure out gifts are what someone needs
what someone wants
what someone likes
and of course hobbies

challahchallah

Wed, Sep 02 2020, 6:20 pm

amother [ Red ] wrote:

You say she has an iPhone and Beats headphones. What about AirPods? I was against them because if you have headphones why do you need AirPods, but once I got them (as a gift), I love them. They’re especially great for cooking or walking when you might want something less bulky on your head. It’s also nice if you want to chat on the phone with someone while you’re doing whatever without needing a cord.

But yeah, I think others have nailed it with the idea of quality time. She’s going to be out of the house in not that long, so it will be extra meaningful to spend time together now.

amother

Vermilion

Wed, Sep 02 2020, 6:24 pm

I bought the kids adorable monogrammed hooded bath towels (cost a pretty penny too) for Chanukah and the kids told us that they loved them but they didn't feel like a Chanukah present. They felt it was more appropriate as a gift when we come back from a trip. And they are good kids BH. LOL

amother

Vermilion

Wed, Sep 02 2020, 6:34 pm

Make it into a just because I love you gesture. Verbalize the love behind it.
"I saw these slippers and thought of you - I could already imagine you in them! I bought them because I love you!"
She'll feel your intention. And she'll always remember that when she puts them on.

amother

Wed, Sep 02 2020, 8:06 pm

thanks everyone for such well-written posts and thoughtful perspective. my (youngish) child has natives but this would be special character slipper, emphasis on the character part. that would be the gift. I think I'll give that in addition to something else and call it a gift package of useful but extra things that I would not have bought if not for the occasion.

when dh bought me a household appliance as a gift I was upset but I've thanked him countless times because it's such a useful item and I love it. I'd probably get it anyway eventually but that doesn't make it less of a gift.

shanie5

Wed, Sep 02 2020, 8:49 pm

Heres my take on this:
If my child needed slippers, I would buy them regular slippers. If my child wanted special slippers for a couple dollars extra, I would likely buy them-neither is a gift. If my child needed slippers and wanted ones that were more expensive than I would be comfortable spending on slippers-then I would consider it in the category of a gift.

Fabulous

Wed, Sep 02 2020, 8:57 pm

I think my son is pretty spoiled and getting a special slipper or sneaker that costs more than we would normally buy him and is what he wants is a small gift. It’s like for earning something or even afikoman if it’s much more money. It’s not for birthday or the like

dankbar

Wed, Sep 02 2020, 9:05 pm

For 17 yr old
Wristlet
messenger bag
Cosmetic bag
Jewelry roll
luggage set/duffle/garment bag etc
Musical instrument
digital photo frame
watch
perfume
Cape/wrap

outing
pottery/painting
Virtual reality/gullivers gate etc

Giftcard to ice cream store with friends

car

dvd

Fancy linen set/curtains/throw pillows/rug

Last edited by dankbar on Wed, Sep 02 2020, 9:08 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Wed, Sep 02 2020, 9:07 pm

I'm curious about all the mothers saying that slippers can't be a gift, what do you consider a gift?

amother

Cerulean

Wed, Sep 02 2020, 9:08 pm

singleagain wrote:

Agree with the above.
An escape room - hopefully it's opened.
Blueberry picking and a picnic.
Make her a surprise b-party party at home or otherwise

amother

Emerald

Wed, Sep 02 2020, 9:25 pm

usefull can be needed or not needed. if its needed and they know youll give it anyway then its not a gift ( grew out if clothes) . if its usefull but not needed like a personalized water bottle, then its a gift. different families/children have different needs. some need new slippers and knows mommy will buy and some can do without and just wear socks.

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