Monsey school | Imamother

amother

Fuchsia

Thu, Sep 10 2020, 8:54 pm

amother [ Purple ] wrote:

And they don't wanna do parallel classes because they wanna stay a small school.

Yup, after I moved I heard many suggest not to move before having a school. And I know plenty families who toka did that.

My kids started school arnd 1.5 years after moving. Didn't think I have to start then already lol
But anyway, I learnt, regardless of when you start nudging schools, whether when you child is 1.5 or almost 3, you get an answer latest possible. So why bother so early?

What's wrong with a school that wants to stay small? A small school is a great thing. It's not their problem that people that move out expect to easily be accepted into schools. They don't owe anyone anything.
Many schools don't have space or can't afford to do parallel, even if they want to.

amother

Purple

Thu, Sep 10 2020, 9:04 pm

amother [ Fuchsia ] wrote:

I didn't say it's wrong. I actually chose a small school over a bigger. Felt it's for my kids benefit.
And you're right They don't owe anyone. It's just one of the reasons kids are not accepted.
It's a tough situation

ETA-But when someone comes with money, suddenly there's place. I know, I know, money talks

amother

Ruby

Thu, Sep 10 2020, 9:19 pm

amother [ Slategray ] wrote:

There were always all kind of challenges, but the parents worked hard and tirelessly to instill the proper chinuch. Today, we don't want to parent much and eagerly hand over the chinuch to the schools. But the schools cannot do the individual parenting. So our generation created boxes and lines to form all kinds of standards and that's why we have the mess that we have today. Achdus, acceptance, loving guidance and individualized chinuch is gone. We have judgements, labeling, forced compliance and heavy-handedness in its place.

And then we wonder why we have the problems. The world has always been a tempting place. The main difference between now and then is that we stopped parenting.

THIS! Thank you for saying so eloquently what I was trying to say in my posts.

Its the parent job to be mechanech. Parents got lazy and want the schools to do their job. Hence, the parents demand their standards on their children's school.

amother

Fuchsia

Thu, Sep 10 2020, 9:37 pm

amother [ Ruby ] wrote:

Not exactly. I gladly and fully parent my kids properly, I still want them going to schools that are in line with our hashkafa. It's part of parenting to put kids in schools where they belong. It's part of parenting to help our kids not be exposed to things we don't want them exposed to. Schools don't parent in my opinion. Schools teach information and parents parent.

amother

Oak

Fri, Sep 11 2020, 5:31 am

amother [ Fuchsia ] wrote:

You are a very optimistic parent!

I did not parent on the premise that I could keep my children in a bubble. I tried to build up a relationship of trust where the children felt they could tell me even things I would not be happy about.

amother [ Fuchsia ] wrote:

Schools don't parent in my opinion. Schools teach information and parents parent.

I completely agree with you on this one.

That's why I don't understand why there are schools who think it is their duty to meddle with their students' or even with their students' parents' private life. To me, this is unacceptable. Every institution should know their place. The school is a forum where the children make their first steps towards independency. The school can have rules about what happens on their premises, but it is definitly not a school's duty to ask whether a mother drives or parents own a computer. And even less should it be a parents' body's duty to ask the school to ask the other parents whether they drive or own a computer.

amother

Oak

Fri, Sep 11 2020, 5:47 am

amother [ Purple ] wrote:

This whole corruption thing is a sad state of affairs.
And often, it permeates the school's everyday life. Children feel this. I ask myself what kind of value system it teaches them.

Is this really the value system we want them to learn?

amother

Sun, Sep 13 2020, 7:51 am

I'm still a believer that everything has to do how u educate your kids at home meaning hashkofa wise . My kids go to a very diverse type of school, I think I'm the parent from more of the Frumer ones in the school, we really have our guidlines . My kids dont feel they lack anything. They love where they learn, they get the warmth they really deserve. My kids grow up knowing and experienceing the difference between others and them . I think it makes them much stronger. The main thing is they learn toira and yiddishkiet on a very good level bh. Some kids dress differently then my kids , my kids bh are proud the way they show up . People dont realize the beauty of going to school with a mixed crowd. I feel their is something really special about that . I'm not here to convince people to send to such schools , but u can look at it with a good eye too, and respect the people that are sending to easier schools with not many restrictions, and I can reveal a very big secret. Why do people wait for the school to come out with big rules? I really really feel and believe that it should be parents job to raise ther kids and have their own guidlines . Why wait for schools to give out the rules ?! Ex. My kids go to a school where smartphones are not a big issue they make on the parents. U think that's why my smart phone is being exposed in my house ?? I put up my own filter because I have that want and I know for myself not to have schmitz on my phone . I dont need the school to remind that to me . I know for myself my guidlines what's appropriate, acceptable in a Jewish stable house to have and do. Meaning to say it should be a parents responsibility to educate and teach their kids yiddishkiet . The school is out there for academic education, of course ruchniyes too but the strong image how a Jewish child should look comes from the parents. Some adults tho dont have their guidelines themselves and that's where the sad part comes in is When they choose a less frum school and they dont have the strong chinch at home that's a different story. My point is just people should be more open minded and optimistic what's real in all this . Dont demand from the school or leave up on the school to give the right chinch to your child , yet that has to come from home and continue in the school . But chinich starts from home .

amother

Oak

Sun, Sep 13 2020, 8:01 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I wholeheartedly agree with you.
I can't understand parents who just give in to "peer pressure"...

In my class, I was one of 3 children who had no TV at home... So what? Yes, we told our parents we wanted one, and our parents said no, that's why they are called parents. They are there to parent, to take responsability and to make decisions, even some decisions the children don't like.

With hindsight, I am grateful to my parents that they raised me in a way that I became quite immune to peer pressure.

In my view, this in itself is a value parents should teach.

amother

Sun, Sep 13 2020, 9:46 am

Yes! And also depending the relationship at home between parents and kids the way parents bond with their kids so kids will wanna look up at you. My kids bh have a good connection (of course it came with work) with us and trust us but that can be done if parents are confident, strong, and loving , then the kids will be on the same page . We all need to pray for all that , but I dont think to rely all the way on the school to give it over and the kids should only see the restrictions coming from a school is the way . Atleast not the way our family takes it . And again I'm from the parents that do send to a lax school , tho they do have strong rules with other things but certain things they are more lax and it's working out beautifully bh for us . Were extremely happy and so are my kids and we raise them with boundaries , they know and accept the difference from our family and another and it's ok. Just saying all depending on how the parents show up to their kids . Of course parents without guidlines or boundaries equals unstable but that doesn't need to be the schools job. I think most normal parents set guidelines in their homes . Our society became so used to "picky schools equals top notch" doesn't have to be seen this way .

How about u try your home to be best rather then the school.

I'm actually extremely proud where my kids learn they get extremely what they need which I can hardly believe they would get in a school that belongs ... that is what's the case with my kids . I as a parent know whats good for them . So each individual should know what works for their family and STOP the comparison. Not relistic, and not a way to grow healthy families.

amother

Sun, Sep 13 2020, 10:47 am

amother [ Lemon ] wrote:

I also put several sons through a more lax school. I did that, not because I couldn't get in elsewhere, but rather because I couldn't see my precious little boys go into this big school with 30 kids in a class, I davka wanted the smaller warmer place. All of my boys are now (teens and preteens) solid ehrlich frum chassidish boys that any parent would be proud of. We have a strong solid home and that's what counts.

Exactly the reason why I did . I special wanted a smaller school and I was very honest with what matches to us . Was the best for my kids bh .

amother

Sun, Sep 13 2020, 11:13 am

amother [ Fuchsia ] wrote:

So true! My point: You know what works for your kids and I dont look down at the ones that choose a different hashkofua then I, just people please start seeing the picture differently. because someone sends to a more lenient school is not yet considered shallow. It doesnt mean down the drain because its different then what u chose for your kids . I dont feel that gets respected tho.

For ex. I know someone personally that changed herself since she got married. she grew up in a very ultra frum family. She got married, changed her entire dresscode, she doesn't speak yiddish to her kids (they only spoke Yiddish at home growing up) (I'm far from judging her) just a point I wanna bring out. Her daughter got accepted in a Frum extremely picky school. I spoke to one of my siblings discussing how she for ex. Got in and others are having hell of a time ... (my sister is having hell of a time she is simple as can be) anyway while discussing another sister claimed that probably this woman that got accepted "must be very stable and lead a frum lifestyle" now I'm not saying that shes not . Fact is she did change. She isnt like her parents would ask for . (I can tell since I know them very well) her whole derech is different. In the end her kids got accepted in schools that are giving hell . I'm very happy for her . It was just interesting to hear "must be she is more stable then the ones that send to lax schools" .
Look how her name got judged to the more stable side and she is looked up just for the name where she sends her child . I can compare her just to any lax school parent body (I know her personal) again my point is not judging her at all, my bother is how already someone can only think positive about her when she did change her whole derech. ONLY because she was accepted where she got accepted. If she would be accepted in BDY she would be on the black list just because she sends there eventhough her differences and change, she was viewed as the "must be she is more stable ".
I thought it was rediculous to view her this way because of a school deciding to accept her inspite her change of chassidus ect.

Could be she put down a huge amount of money or something, but I at no means look up at her more then a BDY parent because of the school she sends . And that's the society what became to judge "accordingschools". So sad!

amother

Cerulean

Sun, Sep 13 2020, 4:51 pm

I was thinking to send to kesser and all the parents I know proudly use flip phones. Honestly its the one thing the school takes a strong stand on for mothers and you would have to be an idiot to send and not abide. the school doesnt want to breathe down the parents backs but why would sommone send to a school your clearly not on the same page as? also you may get away with it in nursery. But do you want to be that mother in the class that other parents are hesitant to send their kids too beacause who knows what else your inconsistent about? If you sign on a dotted line not to have a smartphone and you do its a very bad reflection of your chinuch and morals if you ask me