Monsey school | Imamother

amother

Fuchsia

Thu, Sep 10 2020, 9:00 am

amother [ Floralwhite ] wrote:

BDY is officially only for ex chassidish not accepted elsewhere. I really hope Mumkatch will service neutral chassidjm and not all those running from their past. It would be a shame to have yet another of the same clientele.

Omg I don't think I've ever read such an un true and absurd comment. BDY is for nice chassidish families that don't belong to a specific chassidus or are looking for a neutral school. Ex chassidim do not send to BDY, nor do people that are running from their past.

amother

Sienna

Thu, Sep 10 2020, 9:17 am

amother [ Fuchsia ] wrote:

Really? Cuz from the few people that I know sending there, that is totally true.

No. Not all. But a lot. And when my kid comes home saying that on days off her friends wear short sleeves and short socks and she wants that too, and that’s in second grade, coming from a semi chasidish school, then yes. It’s a problem.
Maybe I should be a better roll model. But peer pressure is a thing.
And munkatch wasn’t better. It had the same parent body. And I am not the only one who would love to take my kid out. But find me a normal school that would take me. I will be gone in a heartbeat.

amother

Fuchsia

Thu, Sep 10 2020, 9:26 am

amother [ Sienna ] wrote:

In the beginning there were such type of families, but they've worked hard a made a huge clean up in the school and by now it's mostly neutral chasiddish families. They're getting rid of families every year, they want to build their name up. Every school will have families that will test their limits. But BDY is absolutely not "officially only" for ex chassidish. Ex chassidim are not interested in sending to chassidish yiddish speaking schools.
What do you mean Munkatch wasn't better and had the same parent body?

CiCi

Thu, Sep 10 2020, 11:36 am

amother [ Ruby ] wrote:

This is what the bal shem tov meant when he founded chassidus? All this judgement? That the more schools reject and are "picky" the better it is?

FOR SHAME!

My girls go to a community school. Some mothers wear leggings with short skirts, others don't. Some have tv's, others dont. Some eat chalav Yisrael, others dont.

And you know what? When my daughters are offered m&m's they politely decline. They know they put on tights or skirts that cover their knees at bas mitzva even though others don't. You know why? Because we give them chinuch. And we teach them our derech without being judgemental about others.

If you look down at other families for putting on knee Socks on SIX year olds, what are you teaching your kids? How do you think they will react when they see someone doing something "different " than them?

Sorry for this rant. I am so bothered by this thread.

Your kids won't take m&m's but many kids are influenced by peer presure and WILL change their standards of tznius and their hashkafas. Sorry to burst your bubble, but that is a fact of life, kids are most often influenced by their freinds.

It's not that I'm agreeing with mothers who are bothered that their 6 year old daughter won't be able to wear socks in school...Our family's Chassidus allows girls to wear socks until age 5 and I put my daughters in a school that does not let nursery/kindergarten students wear socks. It never occured to me that I have to take into consideration this "major issue" that they won't be able to wear socks anymore...

Tznius however, is a BASIC value that girls should be bought up with, acceptance of others is only secondary. Especially these days where women who consider themselves frum are totally lax with the basic halachas of tznius, not covering their knees or the shape of their knees, uncovered ankles, tight clothing, etc.. And because of lax of tznius and also because of the fact that immorality is so rampant these days, we need to be extra vigilant of the atmosphere our children grow up in.

Of course we need siyatta dishmaya and of course children over the age of 12-13 have bechira, however there's a reason for providing a chinuch and an environment for our kids that is conducive to their growth. If their freinds and their families wear short skirts and watch TV why can't they? They can just as well think that their parents are too frum because they don't have the TV or their mothers don't wear leggings. Kids won't necessarily agree with their parents way of life if they were exposed to others' lifestyles on a daily basis. I'm not saying it never happens that a child bought up in a more sheltered environment chooses a different path than what they were bought up with, but it definitely does happen much, much less than children growing up with others who don't share our values.

amother

Lilac

Thu, Sep 10 2020, 12:35 pm

As a born and bred Monseyite, I just want to give some clarity on the judgemental thing. It's ironic because the current state of affairs actually only occurred due to Monsey's Non-judgementalness. What happened was that many "lite" Chassidish people who found NYC stifling and pressuring came to Monsey sort of to "chill", since Monsey is known as a place where everyone minds their own business. We have all types here - from the most extremist sects of Chassidish (NK) to MO.
Then these newcomers sent their kids to Chassidish schools. And kids started coming home repeating ideas they learned from their peers, which doesn't end with knee socks. Think movies, TV shows, boyfriend/girlfriend... Knee socks are more of an indicator of where they stand in regards to Chassidish or even Chareidi norms; if an individual chooses to stray from the way they were brought up with, there's just no way of knowing what they choose to leave or keep.
Now You might argue that movies aren't inherently against Torah, and as long as we're Orthodox we could happily learn in the same environment, and you might be right. But the purpose of a chassidish school is to be exactly this - a school for Chasidish kids to be amongst fellow Chassidish kids with similar values. Parents who send to a Chassidish school, as opposed to any Orthodox school, are expected to respect this purpose.
Someone I know was on the Satmar MOnsey school board when they stopped allowing mothers to drive. He said their issue wasn't the driving so much; their school always had these few mothers who drove. It was just a "tangible" thing to pick on, just to keep the above-mentioned element out. Sad? Of course. But is there any other way to keep the school the way it was intended to be, for the people it was intended to be?

amother

Seagreen

Thu, Sep 10 2020, 12:58 pm

My husband learns full time.
My daughter's best friend's father gives a shiur every day.
We send to BDY because we do not belong to any Chassidus.
To proclaim on a public board that it's for ex Chassidish is false and sad and falls under the category of motzei Shem Ra in which case you'll have to ask forgiveness from those you hurt and spread false rumors about. My daughter is in high school. The quality of Middos and the ivdu es hashem bsimcha is beautifully ingrained in the girls within the school, plus she is very machshiv Torah.
Please be careful especially in Chodesh Elul.

amother

Slategray

Thu, Sep 10 2020, 1:23 pm

amother [ Fuchsia ] wrote:

You cannot compare that times to todays days. If chassidish or even yeshivish girls today would go to school with non religious girls, they'd probably become non religious as well. The world is way more tempting now, kids are exposed to more and we need to shelter our kids.

There were always all kind of challenges, but the parents worked hard and tirelessly to instill the proper chinuch. Today, we don't want to parent much and eagerly hand over the chinuch to the schools. But the schools cannot do the individual parenting. So our generation created boxes and lines to form all kinds of standards and that's why we have the mess that we have today. Achdus, acceptance, loving guidance and individualized chinuch is gone. We have judgements, labeling, forced compliance and heavy-handedness in its place.

And then we wonder why we have the problems. The world has always been a tempting place. The main difference between now and then is that we stopped parenting.

NotInNJMommy

Thu, Sep 10 2020, 1:24 pm

amother [ Fuchsia ] wrote:

I want to say that I completely understand wanting to have a school that supports raising one's children with their values.

I did also want to say that it pained me to see what I understood to mean getting rid of, for lack of a better term, "more modern" families, Jewish families, Jewish people, Jewish children....as a "clean up". I realize these matters aren't simple, but viewing families who are more meikel, etc. as something to clean up/get rid of is really heart breaking.

amother

Forestgreen

Thu, Sep 10 2020, 2:10 pm

amother [ Lilac ] wrote:

Very well said!!!! And very true! Born and bred monsey person also!

amother

Fuchsia

Thu, Sep 10 2020, 4:09 pm

amother [ Blue ] wrote:

So what do you call a typical chasidish school, wearing socks from 3 year?
Gur, bobov, vien, klausenburg not enough chasidish, probably satmar is too chasidish for you...
I guess you have it quite hard finding your TYPICAL crowd.

As a chasidish person, teaching chasidus for a long time in a chasidish school, you took the derech hachasidut to your own level.

Klausenberg does not allow socks above 3. Bobov is a typical chassidish school that allows socks till age 5. Bobov is the only typical chassidish school that allows socks above 3. Gur and Vien are more Bais Yakov type of schools, not typical chassidish like Pupa, skvere, viznitz, Belz, Satmer.....
I didn't take any derech to my own level, this how it is in chassidish schools. I don't make the rules.

amother

Ginger

Thu, Sep 10 2020, 4:54 pm

amother [ Fuchsia ] wrote:

But some that are in the midst of going to the left use this school to start out with and then they switch over to Ateres or ASHAR. Got to know a handful of these. Some are stable but don’t belong anywhere and the regular chasidish schools don’t accept anyone. Some want to change their lifestyle but are more stable. It’s a mixture of all types.

amother

Fuchsia

Thu, Sep 10 2020, 5:08 pm

amother [ Ginger ] wrote:

Right, this is why it's called a neutral school. There are no modern ex chassidim there though. By now they are way more picky with who they accept, they only take stable families. The poster claimed that the school is "officially only for ex chassidish" which is not true.