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amother

Thu, Sep 03 2020, 1:07 pm

banana123 wrote:

If Person A is single and close friends with Person B then maybe, depending on the relationship, I can see it happening. Even not super close I can see it happening. Depends on the dynamics.

Not close friends, more like friends for a long time who haven't kept up as much over the last few years. But I guess it isn't as weird as I thought.

amother

Thu, Sep 03 2020, 1:09 pm

GoodEnough wrote:

Sounds to me that Person A might be feeling awkward about being alone with Person B for the entire Shabbos.

I thought this is possible, but Person A has the option of declining the invitation, no?

GoodEnough

Thu, Sep 03 2020, 1:11 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I thought this is possible, but Person A has the option of declining the invitation, no?

Either she feels bad declining outright, or she wants to come but as I said she's just worried about the potential awkwardness.

amother

Thu, Sep 03 2020, 1:15 pm

GoodEnough wrote:

Either she feels bad declining outright, or she wants to come but as I said she's just worried about the potential awkwardness.

Person A requested an invitation twice before Person B was able to extend it, so I doubt it's the first option.

banana123

Thu, Sep 03 2020, 1:17 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Not close friends, more like friends for a long time who haven't kept up as much over the last few years. But I guess it isn't as weird as I thought.

If you're Person B and you're not comfortable, just say, "You know, I was really looking forward to spending some time just with you, we haven't seen each other in so long."

If you feel comfortable and want to, you can add, "I'd love for you to bring her a different time, but this time I'd really appreciate it if you just brought yourself so we can catch up."

Also it might just be that Person A doesn't want to feel like a third wheel when your kids scramble off to play during the meals. But you don't need to say yes if you're not comfortable with it.

Just like she felt comfortable asking, you can feel comfortable saying no. Smile

amother

Thu, Sep 03 2020, 1:20 pm

banana123 wrote:

Oh, no worries about how to handle it.

It was more wondering if Person A is considered socially off.

GoodEnough

Thu, Sep 03 2020, 1:25 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Person A requested an invitation twice before Person B was able to extend it, so I doubt it's the first option.

I'm assuming you're Person B. And I'm assuming there's something more that's bothering you here than you not knowing Person C. Especially if you didn't even initiate the invite to begin with.

amother

Periwinkle

Thu, Sep 03 2020, 1:29 pm

depends upon many factors

not so common

particularly now all the more so during covid

good you know how to handle it Op

amother

Indigo

Thu, Sep 03 2020, 1:30 pm

ShishKabob wrote:

This was my first thought as well. However, if guest A asks permission if she could bring along someone else, I don't think it means this. If guest A brings along guest B without permission, this is the meaning of the passuk.

This. nothing wrong with ASKING if he can invitea friend. not ok just to show up with a friend.

amother

Thu, Sep 03 2020, 1:34 pm

amother [ Indigo ] wrote:

This. nothing wrong with ASKING if he can invitea friend. not ok just to show up with a friend.

Sometimes even asking is considered rude or inappropriate which is what my question here is. I considered it not wrong but weird and was wondering if others would also see it that way or it's just me.

amother

Thu, Sep 03 2020, 1:34 pm

GoodEnough wrote:

I'm assuming you're Person B. And I'm assuming there's something more that's bothering you here than you not knowing Person C. Especially if you didn't even initiate the invite to begin with.

See my post above this one

amother

Cerulean

Thu, Sep 03 2020, 1:51 pm

It's weird - I totally don't mind that sort of situation. But what I do mind is when Person A (the guest) is staying in my basement for an extended period of time and invites family to come hang out or friends.

Like...no. Like I get that you need a place to stay, but this is still my house.

singleagain

Thu, Sep 03 2020, 1:53 pm

Did person A explain why they want to invite person C ... Like "I really want to come but C unexpectedly showed up and always stays with me?"

amother

Thu, Sep 03 2020, 1:57 pm

singleagain wrote:

Did person A explain why they want to invite person C ... Like "I really want to come but C unexpectedly showed up and always stays with me?"

No. "Can I bring along a friend?"

singleagain

Thu, Sep 03 2020, 2:04 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

No. "Can I bring along a friend?"

Then I would think that's a little weird.

Ema of 5

Thu, Sep 03 2020, 2:38 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I'm wondering if this is a strange thing to do or I just haven't encountered it at all.

Person A is invited for Shabbos to sleep over and eat meals at an acquaintance's (Person B) home. Person A asks if they can bring along a friend (Person C) who is unknown to the host, Person B. Essentially this means that Person A will have company when Person B is both available and unavailable, so I get why it's convenient, but isn't it weird? Person B is inviting you and does not know who Person C is and you ask them to bring a stranger into their home? Is it socially off or is it a "why not?" type of thing to do?

I think it depends on the hosts hosting situation. In our house, we have a “the more the merrier” mentality, so we don’t mind if people extras, even if they don’t tell us.
Someone mentions seminary girls and yeshiva boys often going in groups or pairs. While this is true, I want to point out that they are usually invited (or invite themselves) in groups. One person (it can be one of the students, or a teacher/rebbi, dorm counselor....) knows the host family and so either the host family reaches out or the person who knows them reaches out. Either the guest will say “can I and x number of my friends join you” or something like that, or the host will be asked “can you host x number of people.”

amother

Thu, Sep 03 2020, 3:54 pm

Ema of 4 wrote:

If someone wouldn't know this about you, would you think it's weird to assume that the host doesn't mind extras or is ok to ask and let the host say no if they want to.

amother

Thu, Sep 03 2020, 3:55 pm

singleagain wrote:

Then I would think that's a little weird.

That's what I thought.
Not totally strange but like, hey, where do you get the guts to ask that?

Cheiny

Thu, Sep 03 2020, 4:09 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Definitely inappropriate.

anonymous55

Thu, Sep 03 2020, 5:38 pm

Personally, if I was hosting an older single, I'd be happy for them to bring along a friend so it doesn't turn into a 3rd wheel type of thing with me, my husband, and the single friend.

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