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-> Chinuch, Education & Schooling
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amother
OP
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 Sat, Sep 05 2020, 11:24 pm
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My 11 year old boy is having trouble with his relationship with his 8 year old brother. The 11 year old wants independence, understandably, but he is often mean when his 8 year old brother also wants to play with the 11 year old's group of friends. The 11 year old is having trouble having the 8 year old even attend a kids' shul program together. I understand this is likely normal tween behavior, but any advice for keeping their relationship warm?
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amother
Firebrick
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Sun, Sep 06 2020, 1:15 am
1) Try to get the 8-year old to hang out with his own peers, so that he isn't trying to hang out with his brother's. Set them up for success! The 11yo understandably doesn't want a brother 3 years younger tagging along.
2) Make sure they have positive times together. Take them both out for ice cream together, get a new game they can play together at night.
3) Give it time.
I was the 11yo (okay not exactly, but I can relate). I have a good relationship with my sister now, but being pressured to have her around when I wanted to be with my friends did not help matters. I was somewhat embarrassed of her, and also a little threatened by her presence - she was always more self-assured than I was.
Our relationship would have been better in those years had my parents kept us apart when with friends, and given us more opportunities to spend positive time together alone.
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ChanieMommy
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Sun, Sep 06 2020, 2:34 am
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Sometimes parents, without wanting, set this kind of thing up for failure by asking the 11 year old to let their brother tag along. I think that if you consistently defend the older's right to be free of his brother, the relationship will improve automatically...
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