Does anyone actually ENJOY parenting?

Goldgold

Mon, Sep 07 2020, 2:48 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

or are you just doing your job and trying to get through it?

I LOVE my 'job' (aka parenting.) I love my kids. I find it a privilege. A special task given to me with love from Hashem. He entrusted me with these beautiful neshamos. He wants ME to love them, to raise them, to care for their every need.

And yes I love the whole package, the sleepless nights, working through the fighting, etc...

And no it is NOT easy. We need so much siata dishamaya, endless amount of patience, and sooo much unconditional love. I ask HIM to help me. to give me the tools, the chachma.

So yes I love parenting. I love this privilege.

Teomima

Mon, Sep 07 2020, 3:55 am

ITA with Goldgold. I grew up in a family of highly educated professional career women and the only thing I've found that I feel that passionate about is my children. I feel so lucky being able to be with them and taking care of them. Yes I value what little alone time I get but more than that I value the time we get to spend together. It's not that it's fun taking care of sick kids in the middle of the night, but I get so much fulfillment out of knowing that even in their most difficult hours, the happiest place on earth for them is in my arms. I feel privileged to be able to offer that to these beautiful souls that I brought to earth.

amother

Powderblue

Mon, Sep 07 2020, 3:58 am

Teomima wrote:

Yep. Yep yep.

I Love LOVE every second. I also came from society that values higher education and careers and felt no genuine satisfaction until I was blesses with the most fulfilling task of all - mothering!! Very Happy

amother

Ginger

Mon, Sep 07 2020, 4:27 am

I wish I loved parenting. I do my best to be a good parent, to provide all my kids' needs, and I to make them feel loved, safe and secure. But I really struggle to enjoy it or to find it fulfilling. Crying

I don't know if it's because of the way I was parented, which was almost opposite to what I myself try to do, or if it's just not my nature to enjoy parenting...

Just to clarify, I love my kids, but it's so hard for me to enjoy it overall.

amother

Mustard

Mon, Sep 07 2020, 4:36 am

No
I hate patenting bad behaviour. The rest I can do (night waking, vomit cleaning, spending time with older kids, chores for kids etc) but after trying courses and common sense I don't feel I have the tools to know how to deal with them.

behappy2

Mon, Sep 07 2020, 4:40 am

Sometimes I love it. Sometimes I hate it. In general I'm grateful to be a parent. It's a gift that fills my life with joy, love and meaning, right now it's 4:38 am and up with my little one for the last hour and a half. She woke up with an ear ache and is now playing with her toys.

mig100

Mon, Sep 07 2020, 4:42 am

behappy2 wrote:

Glad someone else is awake except me..

ChanieMommy

Mon, Sep 07 2020, 5:07 am

Funny you should ask...
all those cute little babies and toddlers are really only a sinister plot to trap us into having children, but nobody warns us about what comes afterwards... It's totally a bait and switch scheme...

By the way: same is true for marriage also... they show you a beautiful young, athletic, intelligent man and a few years down the road you end up with a bold-headed lump of fat who just grunts when you ask him something...

Studies show that children improve happiness for about 2 years, then it becomes worse than it was before...

And marriage is about the same...

ora_43

Mon, Sep 07 2020, 5:50 am

ChanieMommy wrote:

I would rather have 5 more teenagers than a single baby. No joke. I love babies and they are so cute, but it's even better to be a parent of kids who can express themselves and have interesting opinions.

Plus, the no diaper changes thing. The being able to shower whenever you want thing (OK, whenever you want and the bathroom is free, but that's still 3 whole hours a day, which is more than you get when they are toddlers). The being able to eat without holding a baby in one arm, assuming the rampaging teenage horde has left any food behind.

Bliss.

amother

Mistyrose

Mon, Sep 07 2020, 6:33 am

There is a whole bunch of retro "man on the street" videos on Youtube, and I saw one a while ago, from the 50s I think, where a TV personality was asking if housewives found their lives "fun," I think was the word he used.

One older woman said to him, "it's not a fun life, but its a very full life," and there was so much wisdom in that one, simple sentence.

I feel like we are a generation obsessed with enjoyment. Everything needs to be fun, or its not worth it. I feel like it used to be enough that what we did was important and fulfilling, and then a sense of satisfaction and even joy would spread from there.

If you only do things that you enjoy, this world will be a very hard place for you indeed. I am speaking to myself, too, of course. But I think you are asking yourself the wrong questions.

(Anon because I've mentioned that video clip IRL.)

yonabets

Mon, Sep 07 2020, 6:40 am

ora_43 wrote:

Me too!
I think being a GM will be cool .You only have the good part of the babies (and toddler)and at the end of the day ....you give them back to their parents. Smile

ora_43

Mon, Sep 07 2020, 6:41 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

or are you just doing your job and trying to get through it?

Does it have to be either/or?

Some parts I enjoy, some parts I tolerate.

Even very similar things can be in different categories. Heck, even the exact same thing can be in different categories on different days (one evening it's amazing to see how excited my kids are to hear a story, the next evening, I'm exhausted and wish they would stop commenting and let me finish already...).

Overall... overall, there is no one overall answer. At most given moments (definitely not all, though), I'd be experiencing more pure, simple relaxation if it was just me and a good book. But at no given moment would I trade in my kids for a better library.

I guess because it's a relationship, not just a job. The job of parenting is sometimes interesting and sometimes boring, sometimes enjoyable and sometimes less so, but ultimately it's a job. And it's always more fun to be off the clock. But the relationship of being someone's parent is a very special thing, always, even when you're reading them Curious George and the Firemen for the thousandth time and they are pointing out, for the thousandth time, that look, that is George on the firetruck.

amother

Jetblack

Mon, Sep 07 2020, 6:42 am

I love it.
But I realized that the only way to really enjoy it is to realize it’s a full time intensive and depleting esteemed career. More than being a doctor or a lawyer, bec it is.
Once I realized that I feel no guilt for just being a mom and not pursuing my other career abilities.
And I love it, regardless of how society views it.
I’m proud to be a Professional Mom.
And I do lots of self care for myself, for them, and for my home to keep things happy relaxed and fresh which really makes me enjoy it.

(My definition of self care: Anything that is not really important and one can do without but makes one feel good). - for me that’s a big tool.

amother

Ginger

Mon, Sep 07 2020, 7:05 am

ora_43 wrote:

Does it have to be either/or?

Some parts I enjoy, some parts I tolerate.

Overall... overall, there is no one overall answer. At most given moments (definitely not all, though), I'd be experiencing more pure, simple relaxation if it was just me and a good book. But at no given moment would I trade in my kids for a better library.

I love this line!! I loved your whole post too. You described exactly how I feel.

FranticFrummie

Mon, Sep 07 2020, 7:14 am

OP, I hear you.

Some people are not born with the "nurturing gene", yet out culture insists that if you're not having children, you are worthless. You could cure cancer, and people would still ask you how many kids you have. You could rescue 100 African orphans, and people would say "Chaval, she couldn't have kids of her own."

I have one delicious, adopted daughter. If you've read my posts for the past few years, you'll know that she has put me through the wringer and back!

I love her with every fiber of my being, but there have certainly been aspects of being her parent that I did not "enjoy".

You can be the world's best mom, be willing to throw yourself in front of a truck for any one of your kids, and still not like it when they defy you, throw tantrums, or sulk.

It's OK. You are human. The Supermom Myth needs to be tossed out with the garbage and yesterday's newspapers.

amother

Emerald

Mon, Sep 07 2020, 7:30 am

Some parts are easier than others. Infant-toddler stage comes easily to me, and I love watching them grow into little people. 6-11 years old is harder for me, figuring each one out and building an authentic emotional connection and teaching good midos- it's hard and not as enjoyable. Once they hit 12 and up, I enjoy it again because they really are little people, easy to talk to and we share so many exciting moments, growing up is all very exciting and interesting.