S/O enjoy parenting ?

amother

Babypink

Mon, Sep 07 2020, 7:56 pm

It's about perspective. Yes raising very young kids is hard. Torture sometimes honestly. But in the grand scheme of life, those years are short but the return on the investment is enormous. The blessing of children takes literal blood, sweat and tears. Poor comparison but med school is also pretty insane. But someone who has their heart set on a career in medicine will push through. There will likely be times of tears, resentment etc but the underlying motivation is what is to come.
That's how I see it but everyone is different of course. I have a two year old, a just turned one year old and I'm pregnant and I have a pretty demanding job.

amother

Floralwhite

Mon, Sep 07 2020, 9:43 pm

Rachel Shira wrote:

As a mother of young kids and hoping to have more soon, I don’t think what you’re saying is necessarily her reality. Maybe she is resentful, overextended, reactionary, and doesn’t like being a mother, but it’s equally possible that she chose this for herself and even though there are very difficult days, she’s in it for the end goal of having a large, beautiful family. I love my kids and love being a mother, but especially on solo days I’m exhausted and frustrated. It’s tiring, as you know. I hope my mother wouldn’t think I don’t love being a mother. You can love it and be overwhelmed at the same time. For me at this point in my life, being overwhelmed now (not to the point of dysfunction of course, just basic exhaustion and running around like a headless chicken) is not a good reason to not have more kids, or make certain other life choices.

This is me. I'm overwhelmed sometimes but overall okay.

Her kids are cared for. She's doing fine. Let her vent to you.

I can never talk to my motber cuz she starts criticizing any time I say anything about having a hard time. Don't be like that.

amother

Mon, Sep 07 2020, 9:49 pm

amother [ Floralwhite ] wrote:

I let her vent.
And I vent here.

& often I get criticized.
But that’s ok. I can handle it

zigi

Mon, Sep 07 2020, 10:19 pm

it is good to learn how to do trips on your own. but with little kids it can be very hard. once one of the kids get a bit older they can help more on trips. one less kid to worry that they will fall down into the subway tracks etc. or walk in the parking lot etc. do her friends have husbands that are around on sundays? if you are the only one it can seem harder if you are the only one doing it. but in truth another adult or teen does make a difference. I have a mix of teens down to 3. I was there with the 3-3 etc. trips are hard. I remember being by myself with the kid that didn't want to walk home etc.....
also if she works there is the guilt that I should be doing errands, cleaning etc and also wait this is a day that should be spent as a family. I have to go to the zoo, etc. I am kind of happy my kids are in school on sundays I don't have that pressure any more. trips are for the summer and chol hamoed etc.

I think if you have little kids in any walk of life the journey is similar- unless you have a nanny etc. little kids are hard work. each day can blur into each other. with dh and not being there on sundays it isn't only if you are in kollel ,dh working in a medical feild. or a teacher in yeshiva or working in a store.....

amother

Vermilion

Mon, Sep 07 2020, 10:33 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Your kids are 4,3,2 & 1??
You get the mother of the year award. I salute you!!
Salut

lol I have a 10 yr old also. And BAH he's a dream most of the time. I try my very best not to give him responsibilities that would feel like a burden and he's so big he has a life of his own. So it's mostly me and the littles.

One day he told us in the car. "Imma and abba either you get me a puppy or a baby" we had unexplained secondary infertility. Bchasdei Hashem that week I realized I was pregnant.

It's hard. I have moments of exhaustion, despair, resentment. I have moments of elation, clarity, gratitude. Its worth every hysterical adorable holy minute.

imorethanamother

Mon, Sep 07 2020, 10:34 pm

On the flip side...

I did everything "right". I spaced my children, I always worked full time and my husband full time, and so we had a lot of help. We had to have babysitters, and although it was more expensive, we had babysitters come to our house, where they also did light cleaning. We couldn't rely on a day care where if a child was sick, we couldn't bring them to day care and we would miss work.

I was a very relaxed mother, and I loved being with my kids. Especially because I had lots of help, and I spent much less time with them due to work.

And here I am, on the other side of 40, and I'm sad I didn't have more. Sure, I would have been more frazzled and things would have been more temporarily difficult. But sometimes I look at my kids and I think that I'm missing one, even though they're all with me.

amother

Ginger

Tue, Sep 08 2020, 2:13 am

imorethanamother wrote:

Since when is spacing kids called doing everything " right"?

amother

Ecru

Tue, Sep 08 2020, 6:25 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Her dh is great with the kids and very hands on Abba. In fact she relies on him so much during the week, & due to fact he’s in Kollel, he gets kids off in morning and she goes to work.
When he’s around it’s like having a second mom there.

No, it's like having 2 parents there, an involved mom and an involved dad. Mad

princessleah

Tue, Sep 08 2020, 4:00 pm

I didn't realize kollel was also on Sunday!!

OP can you go spend Sundays with her and help out? If not can she pay a mother's helper?

I've been reading All of a Kind Family with my daughter. I keep laughing to myself. There are 6 kids. Everyone gets along beautifully. The mother is slim and put together all the time, and cooks beautiful meals. The daughters sleep in the same beds in the same room, and they all go to sleep at the same time. Henny, eh, she sometimes has a stubborn streak but always ends up doing the right thing. The 6 and 8 year olds are shoveling coal and ironing. Halevai!

amother

Tue, Sep 08 2020, 4:49 pm

princessleah wrote:

Yes, kollel is on Sunday.
& if I lived in same city, I’d be more than happy to go and be with my dd and grandkids. But they live in Lakewood & I live in Canada.