Please explain gentle parenting.

mha3484

Wed, Sep 09 2020, 10:56 am

I practice gentle parenting mostly using the method in the book the explosive child. My oldest is 10 my youngest is 1 1/2. My oldest two kids (10/6) are both super challenging in the opposite ways so its hard! One is severely adhd and one is more timid/anxious/sensory. I feel like they are really enjoyable to be with now but it took a long time to get there. Please dont feel like its impossible its not at all.

For me, I find that 90% of parenting is offense and 10% defense. So if it were me in your scenarios this is what I would do:

1) Mornings. For me this is when I am lax on screen time. If my kids wake up before 6:30-7 I let them watch thomas the train or daniel tiger until I can pull myself together. If I did not want to do this I would get up and provide them with some sort of structured toy, game, coloring books etc. Kids under 6 really need direction or they run wild.

2) After school I find that this is when I need to really tune into their feelings and practice a TON of empathy. I take the mantra of if hes giving me a hard time hes having an even harder time really seriously because time and time again I have seen that its 1000000% true. When my kids are struggling with emotional regulation, they need me to show them empathy. School is hard for all ages. A 6 year old especially is going through a major transition. In some schools its prek to pre1a which is a longer day, less play time, Sundays. Others its pre1a-1st grade which is even more expectations and sitting in desks like big boys. They often find this really hard but they dont have the vocabulary to tell us that they are struggling so they show us with behavior instead.

3) Bed time is hard. I struggle too. Usually my oldest reads in his room while I deal with the 6/4 year olds. I find that my 6 year old has a lot of fears when it comes to sleep so for him melatonin makes a big difference. After dinner, we do showers or baths, pajamas and then a different jewish CD in bed. Once the middle two kids are asleep then I give my oldest attention he goes to sleep an hour later.

I hope that this can help you!

amother

Wed, Sep 09 2020, 11:39 am

mha3484 wrote:

Very helpful and validating

ChanieMommy

Wed, Sep 09 2020, 7:48 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I have it, and so many other books.
It's impossible for me to use these methods all the time. It's exhausting. Part of the problem is that I'm a very straight laced person and creativity is anathema to me. So being funny and creative is super difficult.
I do it when I can, but I can't do it 24/7.

Creativity and all those parenting techniques are like a foreign language: the more you practice, the easier it comes...
but also: in the beginning, you might feel a bit awkward or even ridiculous doing it. When you learn a foreign language, if you want to have good accent, you have to speak in a way that sounds strange, foreign, ridiculous to you. It's not "you". So you might want to act as if you were someone else, so that you do not have to identify with this you that is not "you"...

same here: maybe you could go to a workshop or get together with a few friends, to try those things out, laugh together, accept the silly & ridiculous aspect of it...

Also, you can rely on your children for creativity. You don't have to do all the work... you just need to give them a prod in the right direction at the right moment, but you can work with what they propose...

And you could package things you need to do anyway as an interesting activity, promoting team spirit... like: how long will it take us to clear the table? Could we do it faster than yesterday? or have children participate in daily tasks like folding laundry... those tasks can be attractive for children when a good conversation is going on at the same time... Like: you want to speak with them, and just let's keep our hands busy at the same time... Household tasks you can share, where you can talk at the same time are excellent bonding experiences... Peel veggies... make challa... fold laundry... knit, crochet, sew, quilt... and then you can have smooth transition towards crafts and drawing... It doesn't have to be "playing" all the time...

Last edited by ChanieMommy on Wed, Sep 09 2020, 7:52 pm; edited 1 time in total