Do I tell? | Imamother

amother

Thu, Sep 10 2020, 12:08 pm

I work in a school and one of the assistants is breaking one of the rules. The rule is the main teacher speaks to parents about issues with kids. Not assistants. She is also a bit mean to the kids. Do I say something or keep my mouth closed?

Last edited by amother on Thu, Sep 10 2020, 4:33 pm; edited 1 time in total

watergirl

Thu, Sep 10 2020, 12:19 pm

I was a teachers assistant for many years. One year, I had a major concern about a two year old in my class. He would crash (like fall asleep on the floor) shortly after eating, he was always thirsty, and his very frequent wet diapers had a strange odor. We had the same rule - only the lead teacher could speak to the parents. I told the lead my concerns (I suspected diabetes) and she said she thought the kid was fine. I told the director who thought the kid was fine. I decided to speak to the parents who BH a million times listened to me. They also noticed the same things. They called their pediatrician that day, the dr. also listened. He took some tests. This child missed 2 weeks of school... spent in the hospital. Guess what - he has diabetes. And his sugars that day when I decided to open my mouth were SCARY. I may have saved his life. Aaaaaaand I was reprimanded by the director and lead teacher.

Let it go, OP. Assistants are worth a lot and never get credit.

amother

Royalblue

Thu, Sep 10 2020, 12:27 pm

Beingreal wrote:

That is a very concerning problem!
What is your position in the school? Do you have enough time to observe her at lenghth?
Is it possible you caught her at a bad time and she's fine the rest of the time ?
Everything depends on how often and what does a "little bit mean" means??? Sad

Kiwi13

Thu, Sep 10 2020, 12:30 pm

watergirl wrote:

💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗

I agree.

OP, there’s a difference between not being great with the kids and being outright terrible or dangerous. Also, a lot depends on why/if/how she’s talking to the parents. Unless there’s a specific reason you’re worried (more than just “it’s against the rules”) I wouldn’t make a big deal about it. Maybe talk to the assistant herself first if you’re concerned?

tante_feige

Thu, Sep 10 2020, 12:31 pm

watergirl wrote:

I called it as soon as I read the symptoms... this is horrifying. BH you broke the rules.

shmosmom

Thu, Sep 10 2020, 12:34 pm

This is why I dislike the whole main teacher and assistant set up. I'd rather two equal teachers, just divided tasks like you do morning lessons, I do story time, you focus on Aleph Bais, I do ABCD, one morah davens with the kids, one does calendar and weather.
I wouldn't get involved if an assistant spoke to a parent. A mean assistant is something else, I'd bring it up with either her or the teacher though before reporting it.

amother

Thu, Sep 10 2020, 12:39 pm

I don't want to reveal my position just in case someone from school is on here. I observe a lot and see most things other teachers don't get to see. This person is very intimidating and I am a bit scared to approach her.

Last edited by amother on Thu, Sep 10 2020, 4:39 pm; edited 1 time in total

pizza4

Thu, Sep 10 2020, 12:44 pm

I think its normal for an assistant to talk to a mother, not in general but here and there its fine. About being a little mean, if you're the main teacher you can say I'd rather we deal with these kinds of things a different way, or something like that. I've worked with teachers who were pretty strict, that could sometimes look mean? And I just think it comes from needing to be the adult in control.

amother

Lemon

Thu, Sep 10 2020, 1:04 pm

Beingreal wrote:

This is something you should bring to the principal's attention, if it is adversely harming the students. If not, I would let it go. It is not your job to enforce the rules for other employees. It is the administration's job.

pizza4

Thu, Sep 10 2020, 2:33 pm

If you are seeing concerning things and are afraid to approach her than definitely try going to the principal. The principal can talk to her about it or change things (different jobs) so that she doesn't have to be with the kids so much, etc. I have done this in the past and though I don't think the teacher meant badly, they put a more experienced teacher with her and later did not rehire. (Not on my word alone dont worry)
You're doing it for the kids.

amother

Vermilion

Thu, Sep 10 2020, 8:27 pm

shmosmom wrote:

A bit off the original topic, but I had this once for one of my kids and it REALLY didn't work. It CAN work, but if the personalities don't play well off of each other there can be chaos in the classroom.

DrMom

Thu, Sep 10 2020, 10:48 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Are you the main teacher? Is her job to assist you? If so, then say something directly to her.

Otherwise, mention something to the main teacher she is supposed to be assisting.