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Is it inappropriate for a man to hold a door for a woman?
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Poll

Is it inappropriate for a man to hold open a door for a woman other than his wife?
It is inappropriate
 2%  [ 8 ]
It is the right thing to do
 97%  [ 271 ]
Total Votes : 279


amother




OP
 

Post  Mon, Sep 14 2020, 7:20 am
Is it inappropriate for a man to help a woman who is not his wife with little gestures like holding the door open so she can pass, helping her to board a bus with a buggy, picking up things that fell down, carrying loads?

Is what used to be considered gentlemen's manners really minhag ha [gentile] and not appropriate?
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Stars




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Sep 14 2020, 7:23 am
It’s inappropriate not to.
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Ruchel




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Sep 14 2020, 7:29 am
A rav who was already teaching prewar stood for me (to my shame as he was very old)
But, opening the door is one thing, and remaining around to help (unless she is "in need) another
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little neshamala




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Sep 14 2020, 7:30 am
Good grief. It is inappropriate not to hold the door for a woman.
Said by a yeshivish woman.
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amother




OP
 

Post  Mon, Sep 14 2020, 8:07 am
Ruchel wrote:
A rav who was already teaching prewar stood for me (to my shame as he was very old)
But, opening the door is one thing, and remaining around to help (unless she is "in need) another


So in your view, it would be appropriate to hold the door, but inappropriate to carry some of her shopping bags up the stairs, and rather let her go twice?
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amother




Amethyst
 

Post  Mon, Sep 14 2020, 8:28 am
It is a matter of custom. To 99% of the world it is extreme and crazy that kindergarten are separated by gender. To 99% of the world it is insane that some women aren't allowed to drive. To 99% of the world it is crazy that a 17 year old girl has never spoken to or looked a boy in the face.

If you ask me whether a man should hold the door open for a woman I would say of course. But I don't think that those who say a man shouldn't, are being any more extreme than those who hold by some of what I listed above which is considered perfectly normal and a matter of custom.
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silverlining3




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Sep 14 2020, 8:36 am
I'm not sure if it is or isn't appropriate, but when needed, I really appreciate it.
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nchr




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Sep 14 2020, 8:38 am
It's inappropriate to not hold a door for anyone regardless of gender.
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malki2




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Sep 14 2020, 8:39 am
In general the concept of “chivalry”, meaning “ladies first” is non-Jewish. There is no reason why ladies should go before men. But of course if a woman is holding packages or a baby carriage a man should hold the door for her. Just like he should hold the door for another man who is holding packages or a baby carriage.
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zohar




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Sep 14 2020, 8:43 am
I don't think this is a binary. I am teaching my children to hold open doors regardless of gender. I'm also teaching them not to get unnecessarily upset or insulted when someone doesn't. It doesn't mean that the person is ride or unkind.
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amother




Burgundy
 

Post  Mon, Sep 14 2020, 8:45 am
nchr wrote:
It's inappropriate to not hold a door for anyone regardless of gender.

This!
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nchr




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Sep 14 2020, 8:50 am
malki2 wrote:
In general the concept of “chivalry”, meaning “ladies first” is non-Jewish. There is no reason why ladies should go before men. But of course if a woman is holding packages or a baby carriage a man should hold the door for her. Just like he should hold the door for another man who is holding packages or a baby carriage.


Maybe not ladies first but there are plenty of exceptions for woman in Yiddishkeit- no zman grama, no fasting, birth control. I think chivalry compliments this. Although I do believe everyone should hold the door open for everyone regardless lf gender.
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NotInNJMommy




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Sep 14 2020, 9:00 am
A former member of my OOT community, a"h, who is not Chabad, told a story of his wife a"h, also not Chabad. Her parents lived in the same building as the Rebbe (not sure if he was Rebbe yet, but I don't think it would have affected this story) in CH decades ago. When she was engaged and also still living there, she took the trash outside to wherever it went outside the building. While doing so, the Rebbe followed by several bochurim entered the building, and the bochurim were closely following and the door closed behind them. As this young woman came back to the door to re-enter the building, the Rebbe turned around and went back to the door to hold it open for her. The woman and eventually her husband both described the Rebbe as being "a true gentleman".
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shaqued_almond




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Sep 14 2020, 9:35 am
I've heard of multiple rabbanim holding the door for women. If someone doesn't do this for halachic reasons then I really wonder what their sources are.
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SixOfWands




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Sep 14 2020, 9:40 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
So in your view, it would be appropriate to hold the door, but inappropriate to carry some of her shopping bags up the stairs, and rather let her go twice?


I'd be a little skeeved and a lot scared by a stranger who tried to carry groceries up the stairs inside my building.

Stroller up subway stairs is OK, though.
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amother




Royalblue
 

Post  Mon, Sep 14 2020, 9:45 am
I once slipped on the ice one my 9th month and a very chassidish man helped me up. I was so impressed and so grateful.
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shabbatiscoming




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Sep 14 2020, 9:57 am
If a yone needs help with a door, man or woman, whomever is near and can help should.
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essie14




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Sep 14 2020, 9:58 am
How in the world can being polite be considered "chukat hag0yim"?
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chanatron1000




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Sep 14 2020, 9:59 am
It used to be considered chivalrous for a man to open doors for a woman, but nowadays, it's considered polite to open doors for people when they are within a few feet of distance regardless of gender. It's also normal to help a stranger pick things up or carry things when they are having trouble, but it's rude to try to help someone if they don't look like they need help (even though it might have once been considered chivalrous).
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zaq




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Sep 14 2020, 9:59 am
First of all, one reaching a door first should hold it open for the next person regardless of age, race, gender, creed, taste in fashion or political affiliation. An exception would be if the person reaching the door first is encumbered by many packages or something like a wheelchair or crutches or stroller, in which case the other person should say "let me get the door for you." One need not ogle the person for whom one is holding the door, and physical contact is not involved. Those who claim religious grounds for their letting doors slam in people's faces are in the class of "boor (in both English and Hebrew senses of the word) ve'am haaaretz." It's not chivalry; it's derech eretz, which if I remember my lessons correctly, kadmah laTorah.
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