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Is it inappropriate for a man to hold a door for a woman?
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Poll

Is it inappropriate for a man to hold open a door for a woman other than his wife?
It is inappropriate
 3%  [ 10 ]
It is the right thing to do
 96%  [ 290 ]
Total Votes : 300


ExtraCredit




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Sep 15 2020, 12:32 am
malki2 wrote:
No extra credit for you tonight.

Surprised
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amother




Coffee
 

Post  Tue, Sep 15 2020, 2:53 am
NotInNJMommy wrote:
A former member of my OOT community, a"h, who is not Chabad, told a story of his wife a"h, also not Chabad. Her parents lived in the same building as the Rebbe (not sure if he was Rebbe yet, but I don't think it would have affected this story) in CH decades ago. When she was engaged and also still living there, she took the trash outside to wherever it went outside the building. While doing so, the Rebbe followed by several bochurim entered the building, and the bochurim were closely following and the door closed behind them. As this young woman came back to the door to re-enter the building, the Rebbe turned around and went back to the door to hold it open for her. The woman and eventually her husband both described the Rebbe as being "a true gentleman".


True story. This was my aunt, a"h.
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amother




OP
 

Post  Tue, Sep 15 2020, 3:34 am
ExtraCredit wrote:
You only listed 2. What about the other 8?

That's the joke...10 is 2, written in binary...
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amother




Beige
 

Post  Tue, Sep 15 2020, 10:35 am
I think they should, thats just part of being human
When I had once broken a bone in my foot and had a cast and a knee scooter to help me get around. While trying to get into my building, my very chassidish neighbor just went in w/o helping me, even though I was struggling to get in, I was horrified! !!
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unexpected




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Sep 15 2020, 10:21 pm
I voted inappropriate
The question is very vague
I agree that if you are struggling at the door or someone is literally a step ahead of you then they should be a mensch
But, in regular situations, where a random woman is walking and a man is walking next to her/behind her/right in front of her, then I think it’s inappropriate for him to open the door for her. I would hope that he doesn’t even notice her.
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amother




Oak
 

Post  Tue, Sep 15 2020, 10:26 pm
It seems that if a man holds a door open he is flirting inappropriately and if he doesn't hold the door he's an obnoxious human being. Summary: men should just stay away from doors.
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ChassidishMommy




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Sep 15 2020, 10:28 pm
I was pushing a double stroller up a flight of stairs when a Chassidish rebbish yungerman approached me. I noticed his obvious dilemma - he wanted to help but didn't really want to hold the stroller together with me. He then surprised me when he said, "put the stroller down (I was still at the bottom of the staircase). I'll take it up for you."
I politely declined but was really touched. It's been many years but his balance in both bein adam lamakom and lachaveiro is still an inspiration.
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Ruchel




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Sep 16 2020, 8:53 am
Yeah most charedi don't "don"t dirve, separate K or don't look in the face of a boy"

There are chassidic DOCTORS
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shaynala




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Oct 19 2020, 12:47 am
I totally agree about holding open a door, it's basic derech eretz, but personally I would never give a ride to a male; I just don't feel comfortable having a strange male in my car, personally I don't think it's safe. giving a ride to a known male is totally different; but to pick up a strange male off the street into your car? I dunno, doesn't feel safe to me....
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yksraya




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Oct 19 2020, 1:21 am
I would not put greating into same catagory as holding door open. I think greating everyone is nice, and there were many tzaddikim who did so. However, it is very cultural. In some circles it is just not done, and doing so would be considered flirtatious. It all depends on how things are done.

Holding the door tho, is polite, no matter the gender. I know some men would shy away from holding the door for a women as it makes them feel uncomfortable, but a mentch would still do it, especially if there is a stroller involved. I've also had men help me with my stroller. They asked me to put it down tho, and they took it up the stairs etc. I find that those (women too BTW) that don't hold doors are just not aware of how it comes across, or sometimes too absent-minded to notice.
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amother




OP
 

Post  Mon, Oct 19 2020, 5:07 am
ChassidishMommy wrote:
I was pushing a double stroller up a flight of stairs when a Chassidish rebbish yungerman approached me. I noticed his obvious dilemma - he wanted to help but didn't really want to hold the stroller together with me. He then surprised me when he said, "put the stroller down (I was still at the bottom of the staircase). I'll take it up for you."
I politely declined but was really touched. It's been many years but his balance in both bein adam lamakom and lachaveiro is still an inspiration.


What is the issue with holding the stroller together, you from top, he from bottom or vice-versa?

I had something like this where I helped a Yeshiva bocher take a huge suitcase out of the trunk of a car, I was on one side of the trunk, he on other (left/right), and he let go and just let me take his suitcase alone...

I found his behavior rather distressing....
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naturalmom5




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Oct 19 2020, 4:50 pm
https://www.sefaria.org/Eruvin
Gemara asks: And according to the one who says that Eve was a face or side of Adam, which one of them walked in front? Rav Naḥman bar Yitzḥak said: It is reasonable to say that the male walked in front, as this is proper behavior, as it was taught in a baraita: A man should not walk behind a woman on a path, even if she is his wife. If she happens upon him on a bridge, he should walk quickly in order to catch up to her and consequently move her to his side, so that she will not walk before him. And anyone who walks behind a woman in a river, where she has to lift up her skirt in order to cross, has no share in the World-to-Come.

See also Berachot 61b

Malki ..extra points if you can tell me the other 3 places in Shas where it says this
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naturalmom5




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Oct 19 2020, 4:57 pm
amother [ Oak ] wrote:
It seems that if a man holds a door open he is flirting inappropriately and if he doesn't hold the door he's an obnoxious human being. Summary: men should just stay away from doors.

No maybe women. should stay inside..
Kol Ha Cvuda
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