If your dh hasn’t been in shul since March, what’s the plan?

amother

Fuchsia

Mon, Sep 14 2020, 8:11 am

Is your question if the fact that it's RH and YK change anything about davening in shul?

DH hasn't been to shul since March because we have immunocompromised people in our family. So for RH and YK he feels most comfortable staying home, since RH and YK usually draw larger than normal crowds anyway.

A few organizations have released guidelines for those who choose to daven at home. For example, it's best to daven at the same time you know that the shul is davening.

amother

Mon, Sep 14 2020, 8:37 am

amother [ Mauve ] wrote:

home.
my dh doesn't want to go back to shul ever so as long as he doesn't have to he won't.

Mine, too.
Can you share how you feel about it? (If you don’t feel comfortable that’s ok.)

I know it’s none of my business. I haven’t said a word or indicated how I feel about it in anyway. That’s why I’m here to process my feelings.

amother

Mon, Sep 14 2020, 8:39 am

amother [ Fuchsia ] wrote:

I’m not sure what my question is exactly.
I’m just trying to process my feelings, but I don’t want to process it with him obviously. 😀

Can you please share which organizations have released guidelines and/or links?

Thank You So Much ♥️

amother

Firebrick

Mon, Sep 14 2020, 8:41 am

I also haven't been to shul, including on Purim. Am thinking of sitting outside a shul and listening that way. I just don't like taking unnecessary risks even though I am pretty sure I already had COVID19.

amother

Fuchsia

Mon, Sep 14 2020, 9:12 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Sure!

https://shulchanaruchharav.com.....anah/

I haven't listened to this but might be useful: https://www.yutorah.org/lectur.....home/

It can definitely be hard when your DH doesn't want to daven with a minyan (even more so when there's an easy excuse)... Been there, done that (DH's old shul was not a positive place). After a while I just chose not to nag him etc. about davening with a minyan because it's ultimately between him and Hashem and I need a happy husband more than an upset one. Shalom bayis can be difficult, so I have been learning to choose my battles....

amother

Sienna

Mon, Sep 14 2020, 9:17 am

amother [ Firebrick ] wrote:

DH says halacha speaks very negatively about those who stand outside the shul and do not come in. He refuses to stand outside.

amother

Mon, Sep 14 2020, 9:33 am

amother [ Fuchsia ] wrote:

Thank You!
I will check out the links!
I am proud to say I have never nagged him, I say the same, it’s between him and Hashem, and I think Hashem wants Shalom Bayis between husband & wife and I know for a fact that anything I say or do will not impact him in a positive manner but rather bring machlokes into my home. (Based on when he did go to minyan, and I used to encourage to learn something, anything, any time, and that didn’t go well. That I have stopped nagging about, too.)

Thanks for your support ♥️

amother

Mon, Sep 14 2020, 9:36 am

amother [ Sienna ] wrote:

DH says halacha speaks very negatively about those who stand outside the shul and do not come in. He refuses to stand outside.

Please don’t make this thread go off topic.

FWIW, there are shuls that are only open for women standing outside for the yomim noraim this year, (not in my neighborhood) so obviously there are Rabbanim that hold differently, so please don’t derail this thread to what you hold is Halacha. Shivim Panin Ltorah.

It’s Erev Rosh Hashana & I am here looking for support. ♥️

Shana Tova!! ♥️

amother

Goldenrod

Mon, Sep 14 2020, 11:04 am

amother [ Sienna ] wrote:

DH says halacha speaks very negatively about those who stand outside the shul and do not come in. He refuses to stand outside.

That is during a regular, normal time when there's no reason to stand outside.

This year, there are many good reasons to stand outside.
If your husband refuses to stand outside this year because of that Halacha, he needs to speak to a Rav and stop interpreting halachos on his own.

PinkFridge

Mon, Sep 14 2020, 11:20 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

OP, you and the other posters who still manage to telegraph love and respect and keep your home a place full of sholom are going into RH with a tremendous zechus. May it continue and blossom beautifully.

shabbatiscoming

Mon, Sep 14 2020, 11:43 am

amother [ Sienna ] wrote:

DH says halacha speaks very negatively about those who stand outside the shul and do not come in. He refuses to stand outside.

What could possibly be halachically wrong about someone sitting right outside shul, so that they can still hear everything but just not actually be inside????

amother

Mon, Sep 14 2020, 11:44 am

PinkFridge wrote:

PinkFridge, your posts have given me so much support, and opened my eyes, so you really get credit Up There, too ♥️
I try to show love and respect but he actually feels like I judge him anyways 🤷🏼‍♀️ And I’ve posted about it in the past. I’m still looking for the headlines video you once mentioned but I can’t find.

Amen to your Brochos, and I hope that Hashem looks at it the same way ♥️

amother

Mon, Sep 14 2020, 11:46 am

shabbatiscoming wrote:

What could possibly be halachically wrong about someone sitting right outside shul, so that they can still hear everything but just not actually be inside????

Can you post a spinoff?

Shana Tova ♥️

PinkFridge

Mon, Sep 14 2020, 11:48 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Thanks!
I'm sorry about the Headlines video. I've looked and not found, maybe I should look harder.
I wonder if Dr. Wikler is available via email or otherwise.

I'm going to try to do some more digging. Maybe it wasn't Dr. Wikler, but I was so sure it was.

ETA: I think this is it! headlines podcast Sept. 1, 2018
https://www.listennotes.com/de.....DaYI/
at 1:01
I can get headlines on my phone but I'm listening to something else, and don't want to lose the connection. This was the first link my pc filter would allow me to open. I'm sure you can go straight to the actual headlines home page.