At what age do people not make yom tov anymore?

ra_mom

Wed, Sep 16 2020, 7:43 pm

amother [ Salmon ] wrote:

My (stingy)parents don’t want to make yom tov any longer. They simply don’t want to hire cleaning help or someone to put up a sukkah. They are around 65. They can’t do all the work themselves.
We are struggling financially. If they would help with yom tov food bills, they would be invited. Since they don’t, and they CAN afford it, they ll spend another yt alone. Before someone throw stones at me, we are eating parve cholent and chicken wings for RH. My parents eat pastrami in the cholent, roast beef , fancy deserts etc

I'm so sorry for your suffering! Can you have a conversation with them? Tell them you'd love to have them - can they bring the main dish for all 4 meals?

amother

Salmon

Wed, Sep 16 2020, 8:51 pm

amother [ Pearl ] wrote:

I don’t really like your attitude. Do you know that your Yom Tov outlays are part of the “expense account” and get paid back within reason? Also, it sounds like you guys are the stingy ones and waiting to receive instead of dreaming about being givers.

In any case, I am 43. I have to make every yom tov because I have nowhere to go. I’m not geshickt enough to host families but I do host singles who ask me to host). I like to cook my own food but I know lots of people who just buy takeout. Or even Chas vShalom have their cleaning lady cook (said seriously because there are so many problems that come along with that). So there are many ways to skin the cat.

You are an anonymous nobody online. I simply don’t care what you think.
I’m geshikt, however I have $89 on my account. How exactly could I buy a nice roast to please my parents plus a full order of grocery for a family for the week? How could one outlay more money than they have? u didn’t take basic math in school?
Sorry, no.

amother

Salmon

Wed, Sep 16 2020, 8:55 pm

ra_mom wrote:

I'm so sorry for your suffering! Can you have a conversation with them? Tell them you'd love to have them - can they bring the main dish for all 4 meals?

I gave up... they are just too busy with themselves... it’s not with it.

allthingsblue

Wed, Sep 16 2020, 9:02 pm

amother [ Pearl ] wrote:

That's a bit harsh.
And organizations like Tomchei Shabbos and Kupas Yom Tov exist for a reason- it's not so simple.

amother

Goldenrod

Wed, Sep 16 2020, 11:15 pm

My mom just passed away at age 84. She cooked Yomtov till 83, then we cooked and still came to her to make Yomtov in her home. Others, don't like to cook and prepare, to each his own...

amother

Tangerine

Thu, Sep 17 2020, 7:50 am

Some people really don't like to cook and making Shabbos/Yom Tov for years really takes a toll, so they look forward to "retiring" as soon as they can.

Many years ago when my kids were young my in-laws would have us over a lot for Shabbos or Yom Tov meals. We would have them over too (although we stayed home evenings because of young children and often hosted our own company during the day), but we went to them much more often than we hosted them.

At that time they had a lot of single daughters living at home who did a most of the Shabbos and yt cooking, so my mil only had to make one or two dishes and the rest was divided out.

One by one the daughters moved out and when the last daughter (one who cooked - not all of them did) was about to move out, she basically informed us that her mom would not be able to host us for meals anymore because it was too much for her to do alone - so that was basically it as far as meals at my in-laws! 🥴
I am a BT, so meals with my family were never an option.

It makes me feel weird thinking that having us had been a burden and they had to plan out who would tell us that we could no longer come for any meals.

#BestBubby

Thu, Sep 17 2020, 12:49 pm

amother [ Tangerine ] wrote:

It makes me feel weird thinking that having us had been a burden and they had to plan out who would tell us that we could no longer come for any meals.

Tangerine, I am sure your in-laws genuinely enjoyed your company even if your MIL doesn't
have the strength to do all the preparations alone.

imaima

Thu, Sep 17 2020, 1:56 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Numbers please! What age do the people you know not make yom tov anymore?

I thought the question was "what age do people START to make yom tov", after they had been going away to parents when they were young...

amother

Puce

Thu, Sep 17 2020, 2:05 pm

I live in a small but burgeoning community so most families here are young. There are a few older couples in their 70s or maybe early 80s who are still cooking all meals for themselves as well as for children should they come visit.

My parents live alone with all their children far away. My mother loves to cook and bake and is always posting pics of her yummy-looking creations. What a shame that she has nobody to eat all of it, plus both my parents are obese with many health issues and really shouldn't be eating all that rich food. We're trying to get them to move closer to us. Tongue Out

Having other people to cook for would be a side benefit!

amother

Denim

Thu, Sep 17 2020, 2:20 pm

amother [ Salmon ] wrote:

Maybe they don't care about the roast so much as they care about being with family.

Ob the OP, my 90 year old father and is having meals on the socially distanced balcony of an 80-something friend, who is hosting several of the older people in their building.