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Asking children to pay for their own living expenses
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amother




Wheat
 

Post  Wed, Sep 16 2020, 2:12 pm
keym wrote:
True. But if she has any money of her own, he also has absolutely no halachic obligation to provide anything for her- not a roof, not bread, nothing. If she has no money, his halachic obligation is only the Halacha of tzedaka.

AFAIK there is no obligation to support any child over 6 or 7 but a father who does not is looked down upon.
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keym




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Sep 16 2020, 2:16 pm
amother [ Wheat ] wrote:
AFAIK there is no obligation to support any child over 6 or 7 but a father who does not is looked down upon.

I think after 6/7 until 12/13, the Bais Din of the city can and will shame him if he doesn't try.
Over 12/13, halachicly they're on their own.
Hence traditionally, father's marrying off their daughters at 12. A concerned father- it was his way to make sure his daughter was provided for.
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amother




Gold
 

Post  Wed, Sep 16 2020, 2:33 pm
amother [ Cerulean ] wrote:
It’s really uncommon to ask your child to pay for basic stuff. Rather they should save there money for when they get married. Extra stuff yes you can ask them to pay for.

My parents had no money I paid for everything I always resented it none of my friends had that . To this day I still resent that.


How can you resent them if they couldn’t afford your extras?
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amother




Gold
 

Post  Wed, Sep 16 2020, 2:45 pm
It depends on their finances. I come from a comfortable small family and my parents paid for everything until I finished graduate school. But it probably would have been good for me to learn about finances and budgeting a little.
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amother




Purple
 

Post  Wed, Sep 16 2020, 3:10 pm
Eating out with friends, if has car then gas and repairs and tolls (I have friends who still have their parents expass years after marrying), vacations, clothing splurges (extras), pampering (manicure), coffees

In my data we paid our own phone. But it’s become the norm to get a phone much younger and be on family Oma.
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gold21




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Sep 16 2020, 3:29 pm
At 19, I was responsible for my own bills, including my own college fees. (Most was covered by financial aid).

When I got married (at 19), I was in debt, which I paid off on my own. I got into debt because I was responsible for more than what I could handle financially at that point, despite working two jobs. How much can you really bring in at 19? It took my credit a while to recover.

I would say that you should pay for cell phone, car & gas, and college expenses.

She should cover clothes, toiletries, makeup, extras, etc.

I think that's fair. Good Luck.
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Chayalle




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Sep 16 2020, 3:33 pm
nchr wrote:
AFAIK the only time a money belongs to a woman is if she is a divorcee or has entered into an agremeent with her husband where he is no longer required to provide what he halachically should in exchange for her keeping her finances separate and her own.


Most Poskim don't pasken this way today.

I have a relative who is a Rav in NY and an expert in Choshen Mishpat and he told me that R' Dovid Feinstein paskens today that women and children have ownership of money they earn.

It is definitely not the norm in my community for girls to turn their paychecks over to their father. The only cases I know of where this is done is where it's going to a savings account for the girl after her marriage (and in my family, my girls do that themselves - they have their own accounts and are in charge of it and save it themselves, not in our name.) I know some people who do that and then tell Shadchanim that they will support x amount for x years, and the money is actually coming from their daughter's savings. (DH and I will not pretend to support our daughters with their own money so we don't do this.)
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amother




Indigo
 

Post  Wed, Sep 16 2020, 3:40 pm
Havent read through everything but I can give you my perspective. Im 24 and just got married so I was at home throughout college etc.

I think its kind of off to ask your kids to pay for things like groceries, rent, toiletries. But Im not American and I heard its common..

I babysat/subbed whatever I made pocket money so If I wanted to get myself makeup, or clothing I paid for it. My amazon account was always connected to my dads card, if I wanted to order something I just asked. I liked using my own money though.

Gas my dad would give me money each week, sometimes he forgot, then I would pay. Its not really a big deal

If I went out with friends for dinner, I paid for it. When I went to Italy with friends, I paid for my flight, and my dad paid for train fare.
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#BestBubby




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Sep 16 2020, 8:06 pm
amother [ Slateblue ] wrote:
Ok this is horrible misconception. Wrong wrong wrong.

No, her money does NOT halachically belong to her father once she is past the age of 12. It belongs to her.

He can tell her, if you don't give me your paycheck, I'm kicking you out of the house.
But it is not automatically his.


I think if you are getting full support from parents, then they have a right to your paycheck.

Non-Jewish Law is the same.

The Jackie Coogan Law mandated that a portion of the child's earnings be put aside for when the child is 18.
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mommyX2




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Sep 16 2020, 8:55 pm
I think I would have my child pay for eating out with friends and entertainment. I would pay for clothing basics, perhaps an allowance and have her foot the extras.
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