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Do husbands usually side with their mother or their wife?
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amother




OP
 

Post  Wed, Sep 16 2020, 12:50 am
If there are ever issues between a mother and a wife who does a husband usually side with?
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amother




Navy
 

Post  Wed, Sep 16 2020, 12:54 am
A smart man sides with his wife.
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amother




Green
 

Post  Wed, Sep 16 2020, 12:54 am
He should be one with his wife. And try to help them make peace if at all possible.
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amother




Honeydew
 

Post  Wed, Sep 16 2020, 1:12 am
Mine chooses his parents over me. Crying
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amother




Seashell
 

Post  Wed, Sep 16 2020, 1:25 am
I'm so happy we are separated by the ocean. On the surface my husband tends to stick up for mother. But I understand and I'd like to think he's really just trying to explain her behavior in order to soothe me while struggling to properly validate. I'm extremely close with my mother and can barely tolerate any criticism I don't know how I can expect any different from him.

I also try to avoid sharing complaints in the first place but I haven't been very successful with that yet. I'm used to sharing everything with him but I know it hurts so I for sure avoid making jokes about his family because they can easily be taken the wrong way. We constantly joke about my family but I don't mind that at all.
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amother




Maroon
 

Post  Wed, Sep 16 2020, 1:42 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
If there are ever issues between a mother and a wife who does a husband usually side with?

That depends on the husband.
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Mommyg8




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Sep 16 2020, 1:45 am
Hes supposed to side with his wife. Just like a wife should side with her husband.
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chicco




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Sep 16 2020, 1:50 am
I think it is natural for a husband to side with his mother. I also think he needs to work to understand that though his mom has been his number one lady for so many years, it is important that his allegiance shifts to his wife. Obviously, it shouldn't be wife against mom, but we all know there are times when it feels like that. Dynamics need to change big time and everyone needs to understand that. The mom needs to understand that her relationship with her son has changed and she needs to take a backseat. The husband needs to understand that his loyalties need to lay with his wife first and foremost. And the wife needs to appreciate that years of loyalty and love and conditioning don't change overnight. She needs to appreciate where her husband is coming from, try and not take it personally, and remind her husband that their partnership comes before any other relationship.
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amother




OP
 

Post  Wed, Sep 16 2020, 1:50 am
It’s true that they are supposed to side with their wife but who do they usually side with?
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amother




Wheat
 

Post  Wed, Sep 16 2020, 1:52 am
Wouldn't they side with whoever is right in that particular situation?
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nchr




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Sep 16 2020, 2:20 am
Mother. Don't fool yourself
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Success10




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Sep 16 2020, 2:24 am
I can't give you percentages. All I can say is don't feel bad if he sides with mom. It's definitely normal.
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Rappel




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Sep 16 2020, 2:32 am
A husband is supposed to "leave his mother and father and cleave to his wife." That seems pretty clear.
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amother




Hotpink
 

Post  Wed, Sep 16 2020, 10:26 am
My husband told me that his mother started saying criticism about me and he told her, I'm happily married now and if you keep this up then I will have to choose my wife over you and I will not talk to you anymore. That stopped her and Bh things are fine between us. We live in different continents so don't need to have much with each other anyway.
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Mommyg8




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Sep 16 2020, 10:42 am
nchr wrote:
Mother. Don't fool yourself


Why do you think so? My husband has always sided with me and from what I hear from my friends, that's actually pretty common.

(Maybe if hes 18 and just got married its different).
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malki2




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Sep 16 2020, 10:49 am
על כן יעזוב את אביו ואת אמו ודבק באשתו
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amother




Slategray
 

Post  Wed, Sep 16 2020, 10:51 am
My DH has my back with his parents but to me will always support and argue on behalf of his parents. If they want us to come, good luck to me not going. He will leave me to take care of things so that he can help them and will protect them to the point of disregard of anything else. But, he will never throw me under a bus, agree to go unilaterally, or criticize/accept criticism of me from them.

Honestly, while I think in his heart his mother comes first (and second and third - I am 4th, his dad 5 and our kids next then him, and then his siblings) he will always present as us being a team.

If we were all dying in a desert, he would not give me the water, nor would he just give the water to his mom, he would run it by me first (in private) and tell me all the reasons why giving it to his mom is the only decision to make.
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nchr




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Sep 16 2020, 11:11 am
Mommyg8 wrote:
Why do you think so? My husband has always sided with me and from what I hear from my friends, that's actually pretty common.

(Maybe if hes 18 and just got married its different).


Because most men love their mothers more than their wives. And that's fine. Most men also like their mothers more than their wives. And that's understandable. That's just life.
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pause




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Sep 16 2020, 11:17 am
nchr wrote:
Because most men love their mothers more than their wives. And that's fine. Most men also like their mothers more than their wives. And that's understandable. That's just life.

And because men were raised by their mothers, in a healthy mother-son relationship, they usually have similar values, thought processes, and preferences.
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amother




Blush
 

Post  Wed, Sep 16 2020, 11:34 am
nchr wrote:
Because most men love their mothers more than their wives. And that's fine. Most men also like their mothers more than their wives. And that's understandable. That's just life.


This is patently false.
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