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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Toddlers
How to deal with fear of pottying?? Desperate for help!!!



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womanwithaplan




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 16 2020, 8:50 pm
My adorable, mature, smart almost 3 yr old is truly suffering and I'm at my wits end!!

We started the potty training process Sunday. This is my oldest boy, I've had very successful experiences bh training my girls beforehand.

We were making good progress, he stopped making accidents midway through the first day. He knows when he needs to go and runs to tell me. He loves sitting on the potty reading books with me or doing other activities. But he just can't release!!!!

He literally holds in (#1 and 2) for hours, shifting and jumping around and obviously in pain but just too scared to let it go!
Each time when he finally does let go, he feels much better and so proud and relieved, but it unfortunately has no impact on the next time....

Some more info:

We tried training him a couple months ago but he didn't appear ready at all, so I let him go back into diapers after a day or two.

Now there is no way I can give him more time since he needs to start cheder and cant till he's fully trained. Also, I'm due in a month.

I try to use very positive training techniques. There is no punishment/ screaming, we focus on constantly praising him for keeping himself dry and going like a big boy. The entire family is giving him tons of positive reinforcement for his achievements. Plus, he gets tons of incentives and rewards.

The typical ideas for encouraging flow do not work with him (worked wonders with my girls)... running water, playing with water, tickling him and getting him to laugh have no effect on him.

I even gave him a laxative to help him release #2 but he was still stronger and fighting it for hours....

Yesterday he got a terrible headache from holding in for hours, and I'm so nervous about him ch"v developing a uti or kidney infection!!! When I put him into a pull up for the night, he still does not urinate until he's deep asleep (his instinct to keep himself dry is working overtime).

Experienced moms, please help!! I am desperate to help him break through his anxiety. Any advice and tips are truly appreciated. TIA!!
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#BestBubby




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 16 2020, 10:19 pm
Are you using a big toilet with a seat insert?

Try using a potty on the floor instead. DS may feel more secure.
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amother
Cyan


 

Post Wed, Sep 16 2020, 10:22 pm
Having the same issue with my dd.
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#BestBubby




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 16 2020, 10:23 pm
amother [ Cyan ] wrote:
Having the same issue with my dd.


Are you using the big toilet or a potty?
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Mommy1:)




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 16 2020, 11:02 pm
put the potty in the tub with half an inch of warm water. watch that it doesn't float or slip! warm water encourages relaxation. supervise 1:1!
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amother
Cerulean


 

Post Wed, Sep 16 2020, 11:24 pm
Some kids are that stubborn!
BTDT! It will pass, just don’t give up.

Try to have him drink while sitting on the toilet
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womanwithaplan




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 16 2020, 11:25 pm
#BestBubby wrote:
Are you using a big toilet with a seat insert?

Try using a potty on the floor instead. DS may feel more secure.


I use a seat on the big toilet because he does not fit on potties, he is quite tall and built for his age. He is comfortable sitting there, just doesn't want to go!
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#BestBubby




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 17 2020, 12:24 am
womanwithaplan wrote:
I use a seat on the big toilet because he does not fit on potties, he is quite tall and built for his age. He is comfortable sitting there, just doesn't want to go!


Is there a stool for his feet? Do his feet rest firmly on the stool? (no pun intended)
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womanwithaplan




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 17 2020, 1:19 am
#BestBubby wrote:
Is there a stool for his feet? Do his feet rest firmly on the stool? (no pun intended)


There is a stool but his feet do not rest firmly, come to think of it... the stool is too low.
Now that you made me aware of this, it makes so much sense for a child to not have a secure feeling when his feet aren't "planted on the ground!"
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Iymnok




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 17 2020, 4:03 am
I bought some chocolate lentils. I told dd (she’ll be 3 in a few months) that when she makes in the toilet by herself she gets one. When she does o give her list of praise as well as the candy. She had made in gan a few times, so I decided to strengthen her pottying ability.
Would he like a sticker chart?
A sticker on his shirt?
A chocolate chip?
Lots of big praise?
All of the above?
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womanwithaplan




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 17 2020, 9:12 am
Iymnok wrote:
I bought some chocolate lentils. I told dd (she’ll be 3 in a few months) that when she makes in the toilet by herself she gets one. When she does o give her list of praise as well as the candy. She had made in gan a few times, so I decided to strengthen her pottying ability.
Would he like a sticker chart?
A sticker on his shirt?
A chocolate chip?
Lots of big praise?
All of the above?


He gets TONS of rewards, praise, prizes, nosh....
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FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 17 2020, 9:20 am
He may be constipated, and need an enema. That's going to be fun (NOT!)

Try putting a tablespoon of Sunkist prune juice in his juice cup every morning. If you see improvement, add some at night before bed as well. If he starts to have loose bowels, cut back on the prune juice a bit.

Make sure he's eating foods with lots of fiber, and less simple or processed carbs. Apples are good. Bamba is not.

Eating a lot of watermelon every day keeps the bowel full of fiber, and adds liquid to keep things from drying out in there. Any sort of melon will work, but watermelon is the best.

If he's really resisting, it might not be fear in general, but pain in pushing. Have you asked him if it hurts when he pushes? A trip to a gastroenterologist could be in order.

Poor little guy. I'm sure he'd love to be a big boy, and not have these problems. Sad
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keym




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 17 2020, 9:50 am
I heard a great idea.
Put the kids in a diaper and for a day encourage him to go in the diaper only while he's sitting on the potty.
He seems to be tense and holding on and in so tight that he needs to learn to relax.
After he's mastered going while sitting, you cut the bottom part of the diaper off. He has the security of the diaper by his waist.
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amother
Cyan


 

Post Thu, Sep 17 2020, 10:20 am
#BestBubby wrote:
Are you using the big toilet or a potty?


A potty. She can do it, but she got scared when she saw her poop in it, and now refuses to make on it.
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#BestBubby




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 17 2020, 10:53 am
amother [ Cyan ] wrote:
A potty. She can do it, but she got scared when she saw her poop in it, and now refuses to make on it.


Maybe get a different potty - let her choose one, or on the big toilet.

And don't let her see her poop!

Or Let her watch another little kid (who doesn't mind) make and go "Hurray! See what I made"!

Hatzlochah!
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