Aliyah with Teenagers??

LovesHashem

Mon, Sep 21 2020, 5:39 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I don't know how that works. They would probably marry people who at least want to live there. I would imagine Americans may not for sure want to stay there long term. Or there are less of them to date as they often come to learn and aren't dating at that time. Not sure really.

There are less of them to date but again Hashem makes shidduchim. Almost everyone I know married a fellow english speaker. Some lived her and some made aliyah by themselves.

LovesHashem

Mon, Sep 21 2020, 5:43 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Generally speaking though I was told that Americans who come to Israel are moser nefesh. Can we expect our teens to be moser nefesh when they didn't have a choice. And how realistic is it to make aliyah and have daughters marry someone while living in Israel that will likely be able to support them where they don't have to work vs. in America.

Yes - THE road to aliyah is filled with hardships. If you older children are NOT on board this may not be a good idea.

If you daughters want someone who is working then even in the USA thats not exactly typical yeshivish. I dated many boys here before I met my DH and I was very clear about the fact that I may be working now but once I have children I may stop. At the end of the day according the ketubah a man is the one to support the family.

I didn't have a shortage of suggestions, honestly. I went out with people working/learning part time, learners who were in college in the evening, people full time learning who understood in the coming years they would need to support the family.

Success10

Mon, Sep 21 2020, 6:22 am

shabbatiscoming wrote:

OP are your kids on board with the idea of aliyah? Thats almost more important than anything else.

I kind of get the feeling that even the OP is not on board, but she feels she doesn't have a choice. It sounds like a really complicated situation, and I think she needs to speak to a counselor in real life. At face value, I don't really see it going well.

essie14

Mon, Sep 21 2020, 6:30 am

In general, kids who are not on board find ways to get back to America very quickly.
OP, that means that you will be living in Israel and your children and future grandchildren could be living in the US.
Obviously, that can happen if you make aliyah when they are all over 18 as well, but just something to think about.

chanchy123

Mon, Sep 21 2020, 6:33 am

I also get feeling there isn’t much choice involving here. OP, I guess what you need to do is to get your kids on board, because this is happening whether they want it or not, so they’re better off getting excited about it. The idea should be how to create the softest landing and best conditions for success.

Rappel

Mon, Sep 21 2020, 6:44 am

Success10 wrote:

Truly. A "forced" Aliyah bodes ill for the family in general.

Again, OP - I know people for whom Aliyah was a terrible idea. All of them had problems before they crossed the ocean, and those problems were magnified when they were under the stress of post Aliyah. You carry your baggage with you, and that is true wherever you live.

chanchy123

Mon, Sep 21 2020, 9:22 am

Rappel wrote:

OP has circumstances that are forcing Aliyah, the last thing she needs to hear is that her Aliyah is destined to fail and that her children are going to be miserable and go OTD and engage in risky behavior.
Fact is that Aliyah is going to happen for OPs family. She needs to hear how she can do this in the best way possible. It doesn’t matter that for other people this was a disaster, this is OP’s reality and if doesn’t necessarily have to be a disaster. Our job is to help her make lemonade so to speak and do this the best way possible.

Chayalle

Mon, Sep 21 2020, 10:22 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I know families that made Aliyah, and their children ended up marrying and settling in chu'l.

Success10

Mon, Sep 21 2020, 10:27 am

chanchy123 wrote:

You're making an excellent point. I think the point we're all trying to make is for the OP to just rethink if she really, really has no other options.

amother

Cerulean

Mon, Sep 21 2020, 10:56 am

It's very important to find the most suitable educational framework you can. This seems to be a make or break factor for older kids. Israeli chareidi can be a much narrower box than American schools.