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Mothers saying 'my insert child's name'
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ShishKabob




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Sep 21 2020, 11:05 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I was talking about women who know each other well, no need to say 'my' at all. Mordechai alone should be enough, the other person knows it's her son she's talking about.
Maybe she's so used to saying it because there are so many Mordechai's in the extended family. So she's talking about 'her' Mordechai, and not her sisters or sister in laws or uncle Mordechai or whatever.
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amother




Green
 

Post  Mon, Sep 21 2020, 12:02 pm
It drives me bonkers when my talking to friends and they're telling me something their kid did and they say my ______ (child's name). You don't have to say my, I know which kid you're talking about. I know he's yours. At the same time, this same person will also say my son. Lady, you have 5 sons, which one?? And if I ask which one, she gets annoyed with me. Banging head
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amother




Denim
 

Post  Mon, Sep 21 2020, 12:08 pm
salt wrote:
It's an annoying way of talking, but I can't put my finger on why.

Either say "my son" or "my son, Yossi" or "Yossi, my son" or "Yossi" - if I know who you're talking about.

it's just annoying. It's kind of coddling.
It annoys me even when people say it about their 3 year old, not just about their adult child.


I think people say it when they're not quite talking with a close family member, so they can't just say "Yossi", but on the other hand, they're not talking so formally that they would just say "my son" - so it kind of comes out that way.
Like when you're talking to another mother in the park, or a colleague.

But it grates, I agree with OP.



Omg this literally one of my pet peeves!!
I cant stand when people say My Malka or My Yossi...it shows this level of possessiveness that is unhealthy and also is just an annoying way of speaking.
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amother




Denim
 

Post  Mon, Sep 21 2020, 12:12 pm
amother [ Green ] wrote:
It drives me bonkers when my talking to friends and they're telling me something their kid did and they say my ______ (child's name). You don't have to say my, I know which kid you're talking about. I know he's yours. At the same time, this same person will also say my son. Lady, you have 5 sons, which one?? And if I ask which one, she gets annoyed with me. Banging head


This. Its when people are talking to close friends who KNOW that Motty is yours. No need to say "my" it shows this level of possessiveness that is annoying.
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ExtraCredit




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Sep 21 2020, 12:15 pm
Yes it’s annoying. It irks me too. But not enough to remember 3 minutes later or open a thread about it. But now that you mention it I can totally relate.
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amother




Denim
 

Post  Mon, Sep 21 2020, 12:15 pm
I also hate it when people so this in terms of objects.
What kind of mixer do you have and do you like it?
Well I love My Bosch. Its great.

You only love YOUR bosch?. Not all Bosch mixers in general?
Just say I love THE Bosch.
When people say MY it sounds like major bragging and possessiveness. Its also extremely rude when speaking to someone who is single or poor or any category where they dont own those things.
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Ema of 4




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Sep 21 2020, 12:16 pm
amother [ Khaki ] wrote:
So... my extended family is quiet large and a lot of the kids and aunts and cousins have the same name.
So I would say "my mordechai" when talking about my son. Meaning: my son, not my brother or uncle or cousin or nephew. Its just an easy way to reference without using last names (which doesn't always work) or getting confusing.
Since I do this a lot I end up doing it when I'm with other people also.

This is why my kids who have names that other family members have, all have different nicknames (or are called differently) than those with the same name. For example, let’s say there are a lot of Sara’s, and mine is called sari or sarala
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Hashem_n_Farfel




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Sep 21 2020, 12:16 pm
I’m soo guilty of this haha.

I sometimes refer to my son “my Tzali”.
Before he was named I called him “my tzadikel”
For my son I use that because I guess I’m very very attached to my baby and I find it hard to have him away from me. He’s also my first baby and I guess I’m proud of him for being my baby haha. He’s also my first baby after a miscarriage and I had a scary pregnancy and he was also in the NICU for a few days.

I’m proud to call him my Tzali.
I have a friend who’s husband has the same name as my husband so I refer to “my (husbands name)” so we can tell who we are talking about.


Last edited by Hashem_n_Farfel on Mon, Sep 21 2020, 12:20 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Sake




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Sep 21 2020, 12:19 pm
I laughed at this thread because in my phone contacts people are listed as who they belong to and not who the are lol. I have “My David and Hannah’s David etc lol
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amother




OP
 

Post  Mon, Sep 21 2020, 12:35 pm
Haha not much clarity from this thread whether it's healthy to do or not. I guess it depends.
Thanks.
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amother




Silver
 

Post  Mon, Sep 21 2020, 12:39 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I was talking about women who know each other well, no need to say 'my' at all. Mordechai alone should be enough, the other person knows it's her son she's talking about.


I have one sister in law that always says that . My (child name ) I get annoyed cuz I know who she's talking about . I would never tell her anything but it does irk me
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gamanit




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Sep 21 2020, 1:00 pm
amother [ Denim ] wrote:
I also hate it when people so this in terms of objects.
What kind of mixer do you have and do you like it?
Well I love My Bosch. Its great.

You only love YOUR bosch?. Not all Bosch mixers in general?
Just say I love THE Bosch.
When people say MY it sounds like major bragging and possessiveness. Its also extremely rude when speaking to someone who is single or poor or any category where they dont own those things.


I actually always say that I like my Kitchenaid. Are you aware that there are many different models and there is variation? If I would know my model number by heart I guess I could say I like the Kitchenaid XYZ1234 or whatever but I think it sounds more normal to say that I like my Kitchenaid. If someone then asks which I have I then look it up online.
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amother




Amethyst
 

Post  Mon, Sep 21 2020, 3:44 pm
I hated it when my mother did this. You don’t own me, I’m not yours.
Yes she had unhealthy enmeshment and possessiveness and entitlement. If it came from a loving healthy mother who respected me and my boundaries I think it would have felt loving, that I belong to people who love me.
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Shuly




 
 
 
 

Post  Mon, Sep 21 2020, 3:56 pm
I only say "my ______" if I'm talking about 2 of my children to someone in my family because there are a lot of cousins with those names.

For example, my Chaim got a new bike would mean that my Chaim got a bike, not my sister or my brother's Chaim.
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amother




Black
 

Post  Mon, Sep 21 2020, 4:37 pm
amother [ Coffee ] wrote:
To someone who knows the family, just say Mordechai. To someone who doesn't, then say my son (or son-in-law or brother or husband or nephew) Mordechai.

ETA, edited out an emoji that just appeared out of nowhere.

What if there are cousins named Mordechai and an uncle Mordechai as well, plus a neighbor Mordechai and a neighbor who also has a son named Mordechai?
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amother




Cobalt
 

Post  Mon, Sep 21 2020, 4:41 pm
not sure if its healthy or not but it drives my husband NUTS when I do this, not sure why, I think it really bothers some people though!
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amother




Crimson
 

Post  Mon, Sep 21 2020, 4:48 pm
My mother, who is very distant and never had a relationship with me, did not say "my _____"

My mother-in-law, who is very close with her kids, does say "my _____". (Healthy close relationship, not enmeshed at all.)

Perhaps this is why I view the word "my" as a term of endearment, and sometimes use it, especially when I'm saying something positive about them.
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amother




Magenta
 

Post  Mon, Sep 21 2020, 10:28 pm
I do it occasionally to avoid confusion, and so do some of my friends - if we both have kids with the same names, or my friends talking about her husband who has the same name as my son, who happens to be out in the yard at the same time.
It just clarifies a bit. If you think about it for more than a second it would be obvious I'm talking abut my son and not hers, but it saves a momentary confusion.
I'd never think of it as overly possessive!
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amother




Slateblue
 

Post  Mon, Sep 21 2020, 10:50 pm
I say it (about my 3 yr old) when I'm unsure if the person I'm talking to knows my daughter's name. I'd feel weird saying "my daughter" cuz the person might be like I know your kid's name... But also don't want to say "Sara" cuz what if she doesn't know her name so I'll say (usually only in text and an answer to something) yeah Im not sure where im sending my Sara this summer either....
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amother




Linen
 

Post  Mon, Sep 21 2020, 10:55 pm
amother [ Magenta ] wrote:
I do it occasionally to avoid confusion, and so do some of my friends - if we both have kids with the same names, or my friends talking about her husband who has the same name as my son, who happens to be out in the yard at the same time.
It just clarifies a bit. If you think about it for more than a second it would be obvious I'm talking abut my son and not hers, but it saves a momentary confusion.
I'd never think of it as overly possessive!

This
Same
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