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My daughter is not behaving in nursery

 
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amother




OP
 

Post  Wed, Sep 23 2020, 12:45 am
I am having a very hard time with my daughter and I would like to hear if anyone has any advice.
She just started school, and already I'm getting daily phone calls from her teachers.
They claim that she is not listening to them, and she does dangerous things.
For example, she can run out of the classroom, or take a scissors from her teachers desk.
I am willing to get her therapy, but they claim that she is too smart to get approved.
what should I do?
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987gold




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Sep 23 2020, 12:52 am
No advice.....just a kid like this usually needs tons of positive reinforcement and attention. Teacher should catch her doing what is right and praise her for small things.

Do you feel she has a problem with safety awareness??

Is the teacher willing to work with her, some sort of behavioral type plan?.

Any chance she could change classes?
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amother




OP
 

Post  Wed, Sep 23 2020, 12:59 am
The problem really starts with the fact that she is the youngest in her class.
I tried asking the school if she could go down to Pre-nursery but they are not willing to do that.
the teachers are feeling overwhelmed, and they want help ASAP.
I do not know what to do about it.
I feel like I must take her out of this classroom, but I dont have where to put her.
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amother




Amber
 

Post  Wed, Sep 23 2020, 1:00 am
Some more questions to ask:

Does she exhibit the same kinds of behaviors at home? How do you get her to cooperate?

Is she smart enough to discuss this with?
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trixx




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Sep 23 2020, 1:04 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
The problem really starts with the fact that she is the youngest in her class.
I tried asking the school if she could go down to Pre-nursery but they are not willing to do that.
the teachers are feeling overwhelmed, and they want help ASAP.
I do not know what to do about it.
I feel like I must take her out of this classroom, but I dont have where to put her.


Sorry but there's your answer.

She's probably overwhelmed. Maybe scared of the big kids. Not able to control her impulses. Lashing out to get attention or feel in control. If so she doesn't need therapy, she needs an environment better suited to her needs.

Can you put the teachers on the admin case and let them tell them that it's not working and she is too young for this classroom.
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amother




Emerald
 

Post  Wed, Sep 23 2020, 3:17 am
Oh, that's hard.

I found this kind of thing hardest, because it is out of your control...

Now there is a certain margin between teachers... some have more authority and can handle those kinds of situations, others have a harder time...

So it's difficult to say whether your daughter is still within the norm, but the teacher is low on authority and resources, or your daughter is out of the norm, so that any teacher would say it's impossible...

In any case, you should talk to her, tell her she should listen to the teacher, and tell the teacher you told her...

I think this is more or less what the teacher expects from you at that stage...

If she does not improve, there might be a risk that she could be thrown out of school, but I suppose this is still a long way away...
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imasinger




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Sep 23 2020, 5:39 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I am having a very hard time with my daughter and I would like to hear if anyone has any advice.
She just started school, and already I'm getting daily phone calls from her teachers.
They claim that she is not listening to them, and she does dangerous things.
For example, she can run out of the classroom, or take a scissors from her teachers desk.
I am willing to get her therapy, but they claim that she is too smart to get approved.
what should I do?


The bolded is ridiculous. How experienced are these teachers? Plenty of very bright children need and get therapy.

What you're describing would stem from issues of impulse control, and possibly from difficulty with social norms. And possibly anxiety, or possibly attention seeking.

Maturity can be a factor, but it's probably combined with at least one of the above.

Which, if any, of those do you notice at home or in other situations?

Do you have information about where to turn to get a professional to observe her in the classroom and give you an evaluation? DOE? Or, if she's under 3, EI?
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FranticFrummie




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Sep 23 2020, 5:46 am
How old is "nursery"? In my day, that meant babies, but I know that in this context it means an older child.

The age is really important, as well as the ages of the other kids.

Teachers should know better than to leave scissors in their desk! Her desk should be completely child proof. Kids are kids! Banging head

This teacher sounds really inexperienced, or she only wants kids that are in the box, and "easy". You may need to switch schools if you can. If you can't, you need to talk to the principle and insist that she try out being in the lower class.

A child can be extremely intelligent, and still be emotionally much younger than her peers. DD was exactly like that. Her immaturity made her a target for bullies, and her lack of emotional regulation meant that she gave the bullies some very satisfying meltdowns. She ended up becoming a very anxious kid, and started having serious problems with school refusal. It was always a never ending fight just to get her on the bus in the morning, and teachers didn't know what to do with her.
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yidisheh mama




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Sep 23 2020, 8:06 am
FranticFrummie wrote:
How old is "nursery"? In my day, that meant babies, but I know that in this context it means an older child.


Nursery is usually age 3-4. (In Brooklyn and Lakewood, at least.)
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FranticFrummie




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Sep 23 2020, 8:11 am
yidisheh mama wrote:
Nursery is usually age 3-4. (In Brooklyn and Lakewood, at least.)


OK, thanks. I learned something new today! Very Happy

Nursery is where they keep the newborn infants in the hospital, so I was super confused.

In my day, age 3-4 was called "preschool" in the US, and it's "gan" in Israel. By Chabad, age 3 is "cheder". So many terms to keep straight!
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silverlining3




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Sep 23 2020, 8:25 am
I would be skeptical about the teachers experience.

It's your daughters first year in school, that means she's still getting used to a new and different setting/system, and the teachers are calling you on a regular basis??? And it's all of 3-4 weeks since school school started.

Perhaps leave the teachers aside and have a talk with the principal regarding your daughter.

Much hatzlacha
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amother




Dodgerblue
 

Post  Wed, Sep 23 2020, 9:46 am
OP, if your daughter is the youngest in her class, perhaps she should be in playgroup and not nursery this year. Even if she is smart, maturity is also an issue.

If it's not a maturity thing, then Nurtured Heart-style reinforcement can work wonders.
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amother




Scarlet
 

Post  Wed, Sep 23 2020, 9:51 am
Why is everyone assuming the teachers are inexperienced?
Teachers are not magicins. Sometimes kids are simply plain difficult. If they are calling you it means they want to work with you.
Your job as a mother rigjt now is to work with them. Be cooperative. Say that you are willing to do whatever they say whatever it takes..once they see you are agreeable they usually are also a lot more invested and happy to work with your daughter. Rather than feeling like they are ganged up on. Chances are you'll actually get somewhere.
And then also your job is to talk to uour daughter at home. Ask her about her behaviors.. have calm discussions about it.. and in between Shower her with attention and love .
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Mama Bear




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Sep 23 2020, 10:08 am
Get her evaluated at least. then you'll know if she has a real issue or it's just behavioral.
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amother




Pewter
 

Post  Wed, Sep 23 2020, 10:11 am
If this is her first year in school I think this is normal. The teachers need to work with her and not recommend therapy because they can’t control her.
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mha3484




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Sep 23 2020, 10:32 am
My oldest child was very much like this but he was the oldest in his class. At the urging of the early childhood director, we sent him for weekly therapy to learn to be more socially appropriate and learn better impulse control. We worked with the EC director, the morahs and the therapists very carefully and he made sooooo much progress. He just started 4th grade and is doing great!!!

I think for some kids its a maturity issue but for many others its really not something they outgrow on their own and your best off trying to get to the bottom of what her challenges are.
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amother




Pewter
 

Post  Wed, Sep 23 2020, 10:57 am
Quote:
My oldest child was very much like this but he was the oldest in his class. At the urging of the early childhood director, we sent him for weekly therapy to learn to be more socially appropriate and learn better impulse control. We worked with the EC director, the morahs and the therapists very carefully and he made sooooo much progress. He just started 4th grade and is doing great!!!

I think for some kids its a maturity issue but for many others its really not something they outgrow on their own and your best off trying to get to the bottom of what her challenges are.


Don't you think that maybe a 3 year old, as her first classroom experience, in a class of 4 year olds is more likely just trying to figure out her new space, peers, authorities, rules etc. I think its a little early to jump to a systematic behavioral problem if she has no issues at him. Just my opinion...
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