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Please introduce yourself when leaving a voicemail
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clowny




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Sep 24 2020, 2:52 pm
Voicemails that really annoy me:

“Kranishofsky. 123-456-7890”

The end. I got your name and number. Now what? You really expect me to call you back?
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zaq




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Sep 24 2020, 3:05 pm
ExtraCredit wrote:
If she’d say “hello, can I please speak to mrs Zaq” would it be rude too?


yes. The polite formula is "Hello, this is Kayla Kochleffel (if personal) or Kayla Kochleffel from Kochleffel Associates (if business), may I speak to Mrs. Zaq?"

You identify yourself first. You already know whom you're calling, even if you don't know who's answering the phone. The party you call has a right to know who's calling. You could be Jack the Ripper or the creep who's been stalking her. You could be her mentally unstable sister-in-law's sister who has called her twelve times in the past 48 hours. She has a right to decide to whom she does and does not want to talk. By failing to ID yourself, you withhold that right.

No, I'm NOT going to say "this is she." If I don't know who you are, I sure as shootin' ain't tellin' you who I am. Nor am I gonna give the phone over to any member of my household. You already have the unfair advantage of knowing our phone number; I'm not going to give you any extra information till you tell me who YOU are.
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ExtraCredit




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Sep 24 2020, 3:10 pm
zaq wrote:
yes. The polite formula is "Hello, this is Kayla Kochleffel (if personal) or Kayla Kochleffel from Kochleffel Associates (if business), may I speak to Mrs. Zaq?"

You identify yourself first. You already know whom you're calling, even if you don't know who's answering the phone. The party you call has a right to know who's calling. You could be Jack the Ripper or the creep who's been stalking her. You could be her mentally unstable sister-in-law's sister who has called her twelve times in the past 48 hours. She has a right to decide to whom she does and does not want to talk. By failing to ID yourself, you withhold that right.

No, I'm NOT going to say "this is she." If I don't know who you are, I sure as shootin' ain't tellin' you who I am. Nor am I gonna give the phone over to any member of my household. You already have the unfair advantage of knowing our phone number; I'm not going to give you any extra information till you tell me who YOU are.

Alright, I’ll be signing up to your phone etiquette class!
I actually do start the phone call with “hello, can I please speak to...” And only introduce myself once I speak to the intended party. I get the same when people call me. All these decades passed and I wasn’t even aware it was rude!


Last edited by ExtraCredit on Thu, Sep 24 2020, 3:15 pm; edited 1 time in total
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zaq




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Sep 24 2020, 3:10 pm
amother [ Silver ] wrote:
Perhaps the anti-voicemail folk can start ensuring that their answering machine message reflects that?

"Hi, you've reached Mrs. Socialite. The best way to reach me is via text, I don't always get to check my voicemails regularly. Have a wonderful day!"

"This is the answering machine of Mrs. Socialite. Please text me, I am unlikely to receive your voicemail in a timely manner. Take care."


best imamother idea of the day!
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BH Yom Yom




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Sep 24 2020, 3:21 pm
ExtraCredit wrote:
If you’d only say “speaking” they’d anyway go ahead and say who’s calling.


Heh heh. In theory, yes, they would introduce themselves after I say “speaking,” but very often they’ve just launched in to whatever topic they’re calling about. So I ask who’s calling...especially because I’ve gotten calls from blocked numbers or vm messages where the person’s number doesn’t show up and they say, “Hi BH Yom Yom, call me back” - hello, your number is blocked (unknown, withheld, etc), anonymous, how in the world am I supposed to reach you?

I get anonymous shidduch information calls - “Hi, BH Yom Yom? I’m calling for some shidduch information”...

I stop them and ask who they are: “Speaking, may I ask who’s calling, please?” or, “Hi, sure, I didn’t catch your name...”

“Oh, um, I didn’t give it” or “I want to stay anonymous, what do you need my name for?”

Halachically I was told it’s assur to give any negative information (even le’toeles) if the caller won’t identify themselves, because there’s no accountability and if something is misunderstood or misconstrued you have no recourse to set the person straight. So I respond - “I’d love to help you; I only give shidduch information if I know the name and number of the person I’m speaking with.”

ExtraCredit wrote:
People calling from companies usually do introduce themselves before asking for the right party, and I appreciate that.
“Hiiiiiiii, we’re calling from We-Have-Nothing-Better-To-Do-Than-Hand-Out-Free-Tickets-To-Exotic-Locations to let you know that you actually won a free trip for 7 to Sambatyan Island...”
At that point I long hung up. Spares me the few extra seconds of my day it would waste if they’d first make sure they’re speaking to me.


Shooting Arrow Rolling Laughter Yes!!!! Most annoying is when it’s actually a recording that’s pretending to sound like a human. I say hello, there’s a few seconds of silence, then I hear a perky female voice: “Hi! Oh, sorry about that - I had to fix my headset! I’m so excited to tell you that you won a free cruise to the Bahamas!” etc. I interrupt - “Oh, I’m not interested, please take me off your list” - and the recording keeps blabbing - “Enjoy bright sunshine, blue waves and...” etc. Click. At this point I just assume that it’s a recording and hang up.
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chanchy123




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Sep 24 2020, 3:23 pm
I think the last time I had a voicemail from someone other than my kids was my mother and that was at least a decade ago and even then weird. I didn’t realize those were still a thing. Edit to add that I had no idea people actually record messages, I’m not so young anymore (I’m 40) but that is something I vaguely remember from the late 90s to very early 2000s. I don’t even know how to access my voicemail on my phone.
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amother




Seafoam
 

Post  Thu, Sep 24 2020, 3:36 pm
chanchy123 wrote:
I think the last time I had a voicemail from someone other than my kids was my mother and that was at least a decade ago and even then weird. I didn’t realize those were still a thing. Edit to add that I had no idea people actually record messages, I’m not so young anymore (I’m 40) but that is something I vaguely remember from the late 90s to very early 2000s. I don’t even know how to access my voicemail on my phone.


Same. Who on earth sends voice messages? To where? Your home phone? Your cell phone?

I am so glad voice messages have disappeared from the face of the earth where I live. It's so much easier to get whatsapp messages (that's how everyone I know leaves messages. Or the occasional text message).
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chanchy123




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Sep 24 2020, 3:42 pm
amother [ Seafoam ] wrote:
Same. Who on earth sends voice messages? To where? Your home phone? Your cell phone?

I am so glad voice messages have disappeared from the face of the earth where I live. It's so much easier to get whatsapp messages (that's how everyone I know leaves messages. Or the occasional text message).

Same here. That is one thing I am not nostalgic about.
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zaq




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Sep 24 2020, 3:43 pm
chanchy123 wrote:
I think the last time I had a voicemail from someone other than my kids was my mother and that was at least a decade ago and even then weird. I didn’t realize those were still a thing. Edit to add that I had no idea people actually record messages, I’m not so young anymore (I’m 40) but that is something I vaguely remember from the late 90s to very early 2000s. I don’t even know how to access my voicemail on my phone.


Some of us don't have "voicemail" on our phone. some of us use landlines to which we attach an appliance called an "answering machine". if we like, we can record an outgoing message like 'hi, you've reached the Zaqarias household. (Stoopid! don't give out your name) We're sorry we can't come to the phone right now blablabla." or we can use the default prerecorded outgoing message.

One of my favorite Designing Women scenes was the one where Sugarbakers acquires an answering machine. Charlene gets on to record an outgoing message along the lines of "Haaa...you've reached Suuuugarbakers. We're just DAIVastated that we missed your call, so DO please leave a message and we'll call you raaaght back just as soon as we can." Julia grabs the mike and barks "This is a machine. You know what to do."
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amother




Seafoam
 

Post  Thu, Sep 24 2020, 4:32 pm
zaq wrote:
Some of us don't have "voicemail" on our phone. some of us use landlines to which we attach an appliance called an "answering machine". if we like, we can record an outgoing message like 'hi, you've reached the Zaqarias household. (Stoopid! don't give out your name) We're sorry we can't come to the phone right now blablabla." or we can use the default prerecorded outgoing message.

One of my favorite Designing Women scenes was the one where Sugarbakers acquires an answering machine. Charlene gets on to record an outgoing message along the lines of "Haaa...you've reached Suuuugarbakers. We're just DAIVastated that we missed your call, so DO please leave a message and we'll call you raaaght back just as soon as we can." Julia grabs the mike and barks "This is a machine. You know what to do."


I haven't reached an answering machine in at least one decade, if not two. Could be fun, in a vintage kind of way, to leave a message. I would not want to receive any though!

Truth is people barely use our home phone at all. Everything is done by mobile these days. When my kids were under 12, they used the home phone to contact friends. Now they are older the only calls we get are pretty much recorded robo-calls.
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amother




Denim
 

Post  Thu, Sep 24 2020, 4:50 pm
amother [ Seafoam ] wrote:
Same. Who on earth sends voice messages? To where? Your home phone? Your cell phone?

I am so glad voice messages have disappeared from the face of the earth where I live. It's so much easier to get whatsapp messages (that's how everyone I know leaves messages. Or the occasional text message).


Your doctor and dentist leave you whatsapp messages? Your professional contacts text you?
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chanchy123




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Sep 24 2020, 4:51 pm
zaq wrote:
Some of us don't have "voicemail" on our phone. some of us use landlines to which we attach an appliance called an "answering machine". if we like, we can record an outgoing message like 'hi, you've reached the Zaqarias household. (Stoopid! don't give out your name) We're sorry we can't come to the phone right now blablabla." or we can use the default prerecorded outgoing message.

One of my favorite Designing Women scenes was the one where Sugarbakers acquires an answering machine. Charlene gets on to record an outgoing message along the lines of "Haaa...you've reached Suuuugarbakers. We're just DAIVastated that we missed your call, so DO please leave a message and we'll call you raaaght back just as soon as we can." Julia grabs the mike and barks "This is a machine. You know what to do."

There is a huge cultural gap between us here. Answering machines were never really a thing in Israel, by the time they were readily available here, technology had developed call-in voice boxes. Physical answering machines were largely things we would see on TV or in the movies. Sure, in the nineties, we had voicemail boxes on our landlines and later on our cell phone lines. I vaguely remember recording an outgoing message when I was 19 or 20 (we’re talking turn of the century here, I’m 40), but I don’t think self recorded messages were ever really a thing (this is something I’ve seen a lot on TV, just don’t remember much from my real life). But once texting came around it just died out. Either people send a text message (or WhatsApp now) or try again later. There is no culture here of leaving voice messages (except for annoying voice messages on WhatsApp - see I’m old - I detest them).
The only place I’ve really heard about this being a thing is here. Up until 12 years ago or so I used to check my voicemail box on my phone every few months and I’d find a bunch of messages from my mother. Fast forward a few years every so often I’d see I have a voice message from one of my kids (who tried to reach me from the house phone - again I’m old, we have a landline). It must be years since even that. I think the default now for phone lines in Israel not to have voicemail, because no one uses it.
Someone mentioned that not everyone has caller ID and I remember the days in the 80s when you had to pay extra for caller ID, literally every cell phone has caller ID and most house phones do to (fun fact one of ours doesn’t I think), but people very rarely use landlines, it’s not an issue. Of course it’s a generational thing, we’re older we have a landline, my kids sometimes use it and we get calls for polls and surveys on it. Even tzedaka collectors transferred to calling cellphones.
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chanchy123




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Sep 24 2020, 5:00 pm
amother [ Denim ] wrote:
Your doctor and dentist leave you whatsapp messages? Your professional contacts text you?

My doctor reaches me through the insurance provider system. I get the message on the app, by email and usually also by text. It’s an automated system. Sometimes the office or the actual doctor calls me - depends on the situation of course.

Otherwise people call you and there is a system where you might get a text that the bank or dentist were trying to reach and you please call back at this number. That’s also the polite way to contact people. You call, if they don’t answer - you ‎WhatsApp or text if they’re dinosaurs - and say, hi my name is so and so, I tried to reach you regarding such and such, please call me back when you’re available.
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amother




Seafoam
 

Post  Thu, Sep 24 2020, 5:05 pm
amother [ Denim ] wrote:
Your doctor and dentist leave you whatsapp messages? Your professional contacts text you?


Like chancy, I'm from Israel, so there is a cultural difference here I guess.

My doctor and dentist don't leave me messages. If their secretary needs me, she calls my mobile. Why would she call my home phone when she has my mobile? It's so much more efficient to call me directly than to call a land line where who knows who will answer or if I am home at all.
If my clinic/kuppat cholim needs to call me, they call with an automated message (reminding me of my appointment) to my mobile phone. Only if I don't respond to their automated messages do they resort to calling the house (with another automated message).

My professional contacts? You must be kidding. I have whatsapp groups with all my professional contacts. A million times more efficient than leaving a voice message on my landline! I can't think of anything less efficient than having to sift through voice messages every time I need to recall what a professional contact said.
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amother




Pewter
 

Post  Thu, Sep 24 2020, 5:33 pm
I grew up in a sort of isolated family (very few friends, very little contact with extended family) and my parents had caller ID and creditors. Needless to say, the only phone etiquette we were taught was how to screen calls. (And how to lie and say our parents weren't home.)

I discovered Emily Post as an adult and it was incredibly helpful to me. Etiquette is a wonderful tool to help me communicate clearly with very little offense. I'm constantly in awe of the tidy solutions they come up with for every day awkward situations. And I hope it's helped me improve my hachnasat orchim. But I always remember that etiquette is there for me to use, but not something I can realistically expect from others. I came upon Emily Post completely by chance - before I wouldn't have noticed that there was a pattern to the way people answer the phone. I would have thought that everyone answers the phone differently, and just said whatever came to mind. It's not that people who don't follow etiquette are being willfully rude (most of the time), they honestly just don't know. If your parents don't teach you how to act other than "be nice," social interactions can be confusing, anxiety producing, sometimes even painful.

It's like thank you notes. My parents never sent thank you notes, and they never taught us how to or helped us do it (though once in a while they would guilt us about not sending them for some specific thing-I suspect because the gift giver had nudged them about it). Even as a young adult, I would have NEVER thought that I was being rude by not sending a thank you note to someone. It makes me uncomfortable to think about all of the adults who were probably resentful of me for not sending a thank you note. Although I now, as an aunt whose neices and nephews of course have also not learned to send thank you notes, understand the frustration of being an adult whose gift goes unacknowledged (did they like it? Did they even get it? Should I keep sending gifts, or do they not even notice my gift among all the other family presents?) it's good to remember that etiquette is quite rarely taught to children these days, and even adults have to work very hard to learn it on their own. It's much more frustrating, in my experience, to focus on all the things that other people aren't doing than to just try to do your best yourself.

But OP, one definite silver lining--I'm sure that you and all the other posters in this thread are teaching your children how to leave a voicemail or place a call in a respectful way, and I can definitely say (as someone who wasn't lucky enough to recieve that particular bit of education) that you're giving them a real gift.
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zaq




 
 
 
 

Post  Thu, Sep 24 2020, 6:37 pm
When I call back people who have left me clear, complete and coherent phone messages that I don't have to replay 14 times to make sense of, I always thank them for so doing. Positive feedback, you know.

Many businesses in the US depend on voice messages. I work for one of the largest employers in my state and we use voicemail. So do most of our clients.
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Ruchel




 
 
 
 

Post  Fri, Sep 25 2020, 4:34 am
Ignore
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yidisheh mama




 
 
 
 

Post  Fri, Sep 25 2020, 7:04 am
zaq wrote:
Years ago I said that after I retire I'm going to set up a business teaching people telephone etiquette.

A proper telephone message goes something like this: Hello, this is Louella Parsons. I'd like to speak to Hedda Hopper about a joint journalism project. I can be reached at 123-456-7890 any weekday between 3:00 and 9:00 pm. Again, this is Louella Parsons, spelled L-O-U-E-L-L-A , P-as-in- Peter--A-R-S-as- in- sandwich-O-N-as- in -November-S-as in sandwich, 123-456-7890.

Notice: the caller identifies herself by full name. identifies the person sought, the reason for the call, and provides a callback number. She repeats the name with the spelling, specifying "B as in Bravo" where letter names sound similar (B-D, F-S-X, M-N, P-T, V-Z). Really makpid people will specify every letter (L as in Lima, O as in Oscar, U as in Uniform, E as in Echo...)but that's not necessary.Oh, and the caller speaks slowly and distinctly. NOT hellothisisouelllaparsonsidliketospeak toheddahoppermynumberis1234567890.

Not everyone has caller ID, you know. And many people still use plain basic landline phones with answering machines which do not log calls and record the numbers from which they originated.


I would get really annoyed if I'd get long, drawn out voicemails like that. Why do I need the spelling of someone's name in order to give them a call back?!?!
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shanie5




 
 
 
 

Post  Fri, Sep 25 2020, 5:30 pm
If a kid calls and says, "Is dd there?" I respond, "and HELLO to you to, who is calling?" They eventually learn.

Our home phne message basically says "we don't check this voicemail, call my cell phone". I don't leave my cell number-if they don't have it, there is a reason for it.

My cell voicemail is an app. no dialing in, no code to remember. Just press 'play'.

And if you leave a voicemail, text, or whattsapp that says "call me back" I'm likely to ignore it. Tell me why or what you need and I'll respond. Probably.
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BH Yom Yom




 
 
 
 

Post  Fri, Sep 25 2020, 5:41 pm
yidisheh mama wrote:
I would get really annoyed if I'd get long, drawn out voicemails like that. Why do I need the spelling of someone's name in order to give them a call back?!?!


I also hate long, drawn out voicemails. I don’t mind if they repeat their telephone number twice in case they didn’t say it clearly the first time, but anything else doesn’t need to be repeated. I was taught to keep voicemail messages to 60 seconds or ideally less.
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